Monday, January 30, 2006

The End of an Era

There was a time, I famously told many people, when I could go an entire semester without doing laundry. That time was when I was a grad student at the University of Toronto shortly after I moved from Laundromat heaven to Laundromat hell. Suddenly, there was no Laundromat within a reasonable distance. And, the slumlord reneged on his promise to install machines in the basement.

I hit a laundry crisis. I lived too far from a Laundromat for it to be even remotely useful. So, I came up with a radical plan. Instead of doing laundry, I bought new clothes. The dirty laundry piled up in the closet while I took detours home along Spadina Avenue to Chocky's (which, sadly, no longer exists, at least not in it's original form). Mostly, I bought socks and underwear and, my were they fine underwear.

Most of them lasted this long. And so, I say goodbye to my last pair of special underwear. They'll hit the trash can this week. The material is still in good shape, but the waistband is shot. I considered replacing the elastic, but that seems like an extreme measure.

I wish I could tell you more about them (I will avoid posting a picture of them), but all I know is that they were made in India with some really nice cotton. My plan, then, is to sell them on eBay. After all, they are the age of some really fine wine, and I'm sure they'll go for big bucks.

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Friday, January 27, 2006

Adult Diapers Sales in China are up, way up

In that meme a couple of posts back, I listed diapers under the category "five things you would never wear again. " Good thing I don't live in China. It turns out that, next to food and firecrackers, the most popular commodity being purchased during the holiday season is adult diapers!

Apparently, many people have to travel such long distances in overcrowded trains, where even the bathrooms are jammed with people, that they feel they need an alternative to a bathroom. Added to that is the fact that people are forced to wait in queues for hours to purchase tickets. So, some people have decided to buy adult diapers rather than loose their place in line or struggle through a crowded train to do #2 in front of strangers. Given the choice of soiling myself or doing my business in front of crowd, I'd choose the latter.

Who knows, this could lead to the spreading of infantilism throughout China.

I'd still like to visit China, but only if I never have to take the train.

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Thursday, January 26, 2006

The Word is Spreading

A mystery colleague, who has obviously heard me preach about the evils of dairy products, put a Bizarro comic in my mailbox today. I'd post it here, but, as a good librarian, I know I would be breaking copyright laws. I'll just post the text, even though that probably also breaks copyright laws.

The strip is subtitled: "BUZZKILL the LUNCHLADY"

"And remember, kids - not only is milk a fattening health hazard, but when you're drinking milk, it means a sad & lonely calf somewhere isn't!"

So true. The breast milk of hairy 2000 pound cows is for baby cows, not people. In other words, when you drink milk, you are drinking the breast milk of a cow. Got it?

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Wednesday, January 25, 2006


Finally, I am getting to this meme. I was tagged by Shelly, and, being the lazy blogger that I am, it took me something like a month to do it. Here goes:

Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

1. eddy
2. sara
3. kirk
4. shelly
5. zydeco fish

Then you get to select five people to pass the love on to so they can do this meme, like so:

I think everyone I know has already done this. But, here goes. If you have already done it, that just means I wasn't paying attention and I missed your post.

1. Supper Happy Jen
2. Luanne
3. Liz
4. Sugar (drizzlenightsky)
5. KTS

What were you doing 10 years ago?

I was teaching an internet course (it's a good thing I kept my old daytimers). Other than that, I was working in a hospital and feeling very poor. Sounds boring, huh?

What were you doing 1 year ago?

I was sitting in my office doing Virtual Reference. Boring again, right?

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Chocolate
2. Chips
3. Fruit
4. Sorbet (dairy-free)
5. Chocolate

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:

1. Happy Birthday to You
2. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
3. This is the Song that Never Ends
4. Big Iron
5. The Alphabet of Nations

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Retire
2. Buy a condo/apartment near Central Park in NYC
3. Buy a car (or two)
4. Buy a new stereo/TV etc.
5. Give everyone who has ever commented here $20

Five bad habits (sorry, only 3):
1. I'm lazy
2. I procrastinate
3. I never clean up my office at work

Five things you like doing:
1. Eating chocolate
2. Listening to music
3. Writing
4. Cycling
5. Sleeping

Five things you would never wear again:
1. Diapers
2. Velour
3. Speedos
4. Leather ties
5. Anything with paisley

Five favorite toys:
1. Laptop
2. Digital camera
3. DVD player
4. Palm pilot
5. Photoshop

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Tuesday, January 24, 2006

It Could have Been Worse

It could have been a majority government, and that would have forced me to move to a liberal country somewhere in the world, but I am not sure if there are any left. Cuba looks good right now.

I am amazed that Canadians have such ridiculously short memories. The Conservative Party (once known as the Progressive Conservative Party, and are now better described as the Regressive Conservative Party) brought in the GST. And now we elect them on a promise to reduce the tax? They should not be elected for undoing part of a stupid tax that they created.

The Conservative party is homophobic and wants to trample on the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. The Conservative party supports big business and wants private health care. The Conservative Party likes George Bush and his missile defense plan. Let us not forget that Harper wanted Canada to send our troops to Iraq. The Conservative Party likes pollution and, given any chance, will kill Kyoto.

I am not happy about this, but I hope that Canadians will see the error in our ways by the time the next election rolls around.

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Wednesday, January 18, 2006

My Shirt

Today was one of those days where I ran out of time in the morning, and so I grabbed a shirt of almost last resort. It's not such a bad shirt; it is black with long sleeves. It does have a fine cut. It's warm, solid, and feels nice. I gave it the sniff test and pulled it over my head.

The problem is that is has some sort of padding on the front. It's not a serious padding, but it is noticeable. In fact, a colleague said to me today: "Is that padding on your shirt?" I couldn't say that it wasn't padding. If anyone touched it, they would know. It's like there is extra material bunched up in there.

Of course, I was reminded of my step mother, a woman with some sort of serious quilting fetish. She will quilt on top on anything. Hand her a perfectly fine jean jacket and she will layout a patchwork quilt that would be the envy of all of the Mennonites in Waterloo County. That's what my shirt is like. It feels almost quilted. I may have to take this garment out of rotation.

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Monday, January 16, 2006

I'm Back

I disappeared from the Blogosphere for so long because:

a) The police finally caught up with me and put me in jail
b) I went to Sweden for a sex change operation
c) I was a contestant on Survivor
d) A talent agent "discovered" me and flew me out to Hollywood where I starred in my first feature (you can reserve your copy at your favourite adult video store soon)
e) Aliens abducted me
f) I forgot my password
g) I needed a hair cut
h) I was meditating and lost track of the time
i) I was in the studio, recording an album of Neil Diamond songs
j) I joined a cult and narrowly avoided a mass suicide