I Want to Strangle Franklin The Turtle and Elliot Moose too
I am sick of Franklin, that sniveling little reptile featured in books published by Kids Can Press. OK, so the books had good reviews at the beginning, but I think this turtle's time has come. After all, the books are no longer written by the originating authors, and I think they might have run out of ideas. Since it is unlikely that anyone will listen to me and make turtle soup out of Franklin, I will offer two suggestions.
1) rename all of the books "Franklin Learns a Lesson" since that is what happens in most stories.
2) make Franklin a teenager, so that they can move of to new story ideas, like "Franklin Gets Laid" or "Franklin Gets an STD."
Of course, since there seems only to be one family of each species in that crazy village, it would mean either incest or bestiality (or maybe that would interspecies sex, since they are already beasts).
Oh, and one other thing would make me happy, and that is a new book about Elliot called "Elliot's Funeral." Then, they could change the insipid theme song from "Elliot Moose is on the Loose" to this far more interesting and satisfying lyric:
"Elliot Moose is in a Noose."
Technorati Tags: Franklin the Turtle, Elliot Moose
11 comments:
I write for kids, but never write another word rather than put out crap like that. Feh!
Franklin gets an STD - pretty funny! Are turtles reptiles?
I love YOUR ideas for childrens stories...You could market them as Books for Kids on the Edge, or something.
I was rather fond of the Berenstain Bears as a kid. I don't remember how original they were, but since things are only getting worse and worse over the years, I assume that they kick Franklin's little green ass.
I would like to read the elliot on a noose book! That woule be big in england since they used to love to hang people and animals!
I think the worst kid's show has to be Babar. It's inane and vacuous garbage.
G, I almost hate to admit it, but I like Arthur, if only because it has a plot. It's one of the few shows I can sit through. Maybe that says more about me than the show.
Poor Franklin. He's probably sick of you too you know.
Jay, I hope you are wrong, but I wouldn't blame him.
I just stumbled across this and I'm laughing my ass off. Needed to see that today.
Never liked Franklin, or the overused cliche of the "Talking Animal" as a way to teach morals. Sure, it works for a while, but eventually one has to wonder - how many kids will this animal make codependent before he's whacked Sopranos-style?
Love the title suggestions, too! How 'bout "Franklin and Bear's Trip to Prison" or "Franklin Meets Badger the Meth Addict?" How about "Franklin Comes Out" or "Franklin Discovers Ludes?"
It would be a waste to ruin a good turtle soup on Franklin. The amount of cheese added by Franklin's dialogue to the recipe by the story lines would create such a mess.
Ha! Ha!
My Mom's actually a friend/aquaintance of Paulette Bourgeois (The woman who writes the Franklin Books).
I think if Franklin would have to get an STD from a Turtle who came in from out of town. Maybe a sea turtle. I could run the idea by her.
I happily just found you, via Kill the Goat. Am a library school dropout - timing wasn't right, loved the classes - and love reading the exploits of those who made it through.
Thanks and good luck when you return to the workforce!
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