Friday, March 09, 2007

Today, I Killed a Mouse (warning: contains some cruelty to animals)

It was nearing death anyway, I was certain of that. Judging from my past experience, I can tell you that a healthy mouse will scurry away from you and not let you pick it up and stroke its fur, tickle its tummy, or feed it peanuts. They just run away, usually around baseboards and under things, like big furry cockroaches. I've tried to catch a live mouse sprinting away, and it's almost an impossibility, almost.

The mouse was loitering right near my bicycle in the basement. He did not look healthy and just waited there for me to come up to it. Sure, his legs were moving, but he was going nowhere. He had no joie de vivre. I immediately started to look for some implement so that I could put it out of it's misery.

I was reminded that a mouse once came up to me in the kitchen, looked right at me, and seemed to be begging me to send him on to the next world. I used a frying pan. Years ago, in my small room in a shared house on Bathurst Street, I trapped a mouse, but the poor rodent got pinned by the legs, and so his neck did not snap. I grabbed my adjustable wrench and clipped him on the head.

Just so you think I am not some sort of psychopath who enjoys killing animals, I felt so bad about killing the poor mouse, that I removed all of the traps from my room and just let the mice be free to eat my food and crap on my floors.

A few years ago, I had to resort to traps in a house that had way too many mice. One day, a poor little mouse ended up backwards in a trap. Oh, and by the way, I tried those so-called humane traps and they do not work. The cheese mysteriously disappeared, but there was no mouse in the trap. Anyway, unless you release them in the wilds of Ontario, they are just going to find their way back into your house or the house next to the park where you released them.

So, I had a crippled mouse and needed to send it to the mouse afterlife. I decided that hitting it over the head was a bit too brutal, so I decided to drown it. Apparently, drowning is a pleasant way to die. I am not sure if this holds true for a mouse, but it has got to be better that dying in the jaws of a cat. I used a pair of pliers and held the trap with the dangling mouse under the running water, until I realized that I was simply giving the mouse a cold shower.

I put the plug in the sink, and dropped the trap in the accumulating water. I had no idea that mice could swim. Well, this one sort of could, even with a heavy trap attached. He might have died, eventually, after treading water for hours and hours, but that seemed too cruel. I pushed down on the trap with my pliers, forcing the mouse underwater, until I saw a few bubbles escape his mouth. Yes, I felt mean.

A few days later, I did almost the impossible. I saw a mouse on the basement floor. I grabbed a broom and managed to throw him off balance. I whacked again, but the little bastard kept on going. I had him cornered but there was a large wardrobe just ahead, a place of refuge for the beast. I struck again, and the mouse got tangled in the bristles of the broom. When I raised my broom, the mouse tumbled end over end - much like the bone in 2001 A Space Odyssey - until it landed several feet away. I pounced like a cat and made sure his days of pestilence had ended.

You know, mice are very destructive. They will chew through anything, eat your food, leave droppings all over the place, make noise. They are pests and you don't want any mice in your house. Trust me.

Today, I killed a mouse by dropping my toolbox on it.

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8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh. Dude. Death by Toolbox.

I can sympathize though. A while back, I had a couple of boxes of Smarties sitting on the desk here, which is in the basement. Came down to find a hole nibbled in one and droppings on the desk. Ick.

Seems it came in through the sump drain, and fortunately, we figured that out and put a heavy casserole dish over the drain so it couldn't get back in.

Freaked me out for a while, I have to tell you. Now we have those sonic mouse things installed underneath the crawl space.

ShellyS said...

What a heartwarming nature story.

I have enough trouble killing bugs. I'm too squeamish. I remember a giant water bug in the basement of one library, in front of the lockers. My boss was with me and he was as bad as me. He dropped a book on the thing, then we were afraid to lift the book, so we had to find the custodian to remove the carcass.

Anonymous said...

I once picked up a mouse when I THOUGHT IT WAS A LEAF! It was in a dark hallway!

Anonymous said...

Um squish? Poor little destructive mouse..

tweetey30 said...

I am afraid of them when there alive. Why would I want to chance picking up a dead one. LOL.. No thank you. I have a hard time getting into the shower when there are spiders around. Yuckie.

mister anchovy said...

the other day, my cat shadow killed a mouse in the yard, gulped it down whole, then chucked it up along with his breakfast right beside my car door to give me the maximum opportunity to step in it.

Critical Darling said...

We had this problem in our house a few months ago. Little bastards. I just thought I should take this opportunity to remind you of the beginning of Camus' The Plague. Remember how it starts? That's right, with a bunch of rodents getting ill and dying. Watch yourself.

zydeco fish said...

Yes, I do remember the begining of The Plague. That's something to keep in mind.

mister anchovy: I never would have guess that a cat could take down a mouse whole. what a cat.