Social Etiquette
Caution: this is a boring post, but here it is anyway:
I think that if there's anything that I have perfected, it is standing in a line (or a queue, if you like). There is a delicate balance to be achieved. A socially-appropriate distance must be maintained between you and the person in front. One must be aware of the line as it moves, so as not to leave gaps that are too big, lest someone join the line in the middle. In summary, after so many years on this planet, I know how to stand in a line.
When making purchases, the job is somewhat easier, because one generally has a burden, be it a bunch of bananas, sausages, caviar, or champagne. And yet, when I was in line recently with a container of Baba Ghanouj and two bananas, waiting patiently to pay, an old shriveled woman came up and yelled "are you in line!" at me. She sounded like a pissed off drill sergeant.
I was startled at the volume of the question and because I was clearly in line. I am not sure if it was possible for me to be any more in line. I was as in line as I could be. Any more in line, and I would be in danger of sodomizing the person in front of me. My hands were full, and I had my wallet out, ready to pay. I was in line.
Despite all of the visual clues, this woman had no idea, or perhaps she was trying to force me out of line, maybe make me feel sorry for her and let her in. But, shortly thereafter, I realized that she was a mean old cow.
I was mid way through my transaction when I heard her yell "do you have a smaller bag!" like it was an accusation, that the clerk was holding back the small bags or that she deliberately placed her produce in an over sized bag, just for gags. She probably imagined that the clerks would all laugh at her as she left, and mutter things like, "wow, you really gave her a big bag" and "you win: that's the biggest bag I've ever seen for such a small purchase."
For some reason, the cashier missed the question and the woman let her have it with "did you hear me! I asked if you have a smaller bag ..." She then went on about the size of the bag compared with the size of her purchase.
I hope I don't end up like that.
Technorati Tags: etiquette, shopping, elderly
13 comments:
Any post with the word sodomizing in it is immediately exempt from being boring.
wow, two bananas...must have been a special day.
i second toryssa. and as nicole richie would say, "that's hot."
Let me tell ya, I am an expert queuer. Okay, I just like the way that looks. But I did live in the Soviet Union, back in the day. Maybe that's where this lady is from originally. I once felt the pelvic bones of the woman behind me. I wish I was kidding.
One thing that I wish that we did like them is to ask "who's last?" To me, that's a much more productive question than "are you in line" when all you really want to know is where you need to stand. You don't really want to engage that person in a conversation.
Oh, and I was at the grocery store recently and I was standing at the little raised counter paying and the woman in line after me actually had her arms up on the same (2 ft long) counter. Back. Off.
I am of English heritage. Queuing is genetically imprinted.
Funny how many Americans don't understand How to keep a line tight without violating the "bubble of the person in front of them.
What a lovely story.
I know we were in the store one time and this lady had her food stamp card and she was paying for her purchases. No big deal but this person in front of us was only a child and he got too close to her and she threatened to kick his A** when they left the store so hubby was the valiant knight and told the kid to stay with us until we paid for our stuff and to walk out with us. Because she was serious. This lady was going to kick this little kids butt. But you are right about people standing in line. How about those that try to get you to engage in conversation. And your just not in the mood to talk. I usually ignore them but they keep right on rattling like there is no tomorrow.
Ah.. the elderly. Welcome to me world. (my condo building is a glorified old folks home, only not that glorified).
Oh man, that's pretty funny. I think I'm going to play that bag trick all the time. I may not be old yet, but I can sure as hell pull of crotchety.
d.o.u.c.h.e.
Oh man, I'm totally going to be like that... and I'm going to relish in it.
Don't worry, I'll make sure to stand behind you in line.
Look at me commenting twice on the same post! Just came back from visiting Omi in th old folk's home. You think this lady's crazy? Try visiting lock-down at a seniors' residence.
So many comments on such a lame post. What's going on?
Post a Comment