Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Getting Down in Second Life

Warning: Contains some adult content.

My foray into Second Life has been fairly uneventful, unlike a colleague. Within ten minutes of logging in, he was hit by a car and propositioned by a Japanese avatar, who uttered a phrase like: "you wanna sucka me?" Sure, a female avatar asked if she could hug me, but she was not in control of her gestures, and she failed to execute the maneuver. I have no idea how to do that either. And so, I wondered on, and then sat on a bench by a strangely calm sea and stared off into the cyber distance.

Later, I ended up in an adult orgy room. I am not sure how this happened, but my search for a night club went awry and I found myself suddenly surrounded by naked avatars, some of them getting it on. I have no doubt that first lifers look nothing like their sexy pieces of anthropomorphic code. So, I wouldn't say that there was anything especially sexual about the place, unless one is into low-grade anime. By the way, why are there no ugly avatars?

I have to admit that the one thing I had been curious about since joining Second Life was what my avatar looked like without clothing. Most of the places I had visited before had strict rules about nudity, and so I had never been able to take off my clothes. I decided, after a few minutes of virtual voyeurism in this club, to take my pants off. I thought that I would just blend in.

This is where the shocking thing happened. Oh, the horror of it all. I discovered that I had no penis! My avatar looks like an anatomically-correct Michael Jackson doll! Why do female avatars have breasts and male avatars lack penises? This is a serious oversight. But, this lack of appendage explained the advertisements for penises on the walls. It appears that they can be purchased from the Second Life penis makers. I have only earned $4 (Lindens, actually) from my modeling job, and I am fairly sure that this is not enough, especially for a big one.

But, I have a fear of getting a penis, because I am not sure I will know how to operate it. I might end up disappointing some cute Japanese avatar - or her 350 lbs male first-life-counterpart. That would be sad for both of us.

And, speaking of penises, I posted a photo of a naked man on my Flickr account taken after the Toronto Pride Parade. This photo has been viewed more than 1100 times in 24 hours, making it second in rapid view accumulation just ahead of a lingerie-clad mannequin and behind a slaughtered pig. What's wrong with the world?

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14 comments:

tweetey30 said...

Sounds just plain weird to me. And about why people like to look. Its an instinct like when you tell a person not to they are going to do it anyway. You get there curiousity up and they just have to look. Have a good day.

Anna May Won't said...

maybe your pic got into explore? i wish explore were more easily searchable. i find the "scout" on bighugelabs unreliable.

my friend's pic of his own nipple has gotten 200+ views, compared to under 50 for the rest of his pix. maybe the trick to lots of views is to tag all your pix "nipple" and "penis." :D

zydeco fish said...

There was also Flickr Inspector http://nilswindisch.de/flickrtools/?/inspector/>but it is off line now. Apparently, it will be relaunched.

I've had a few photos in Explore, but tracking them is a pain. I shall add a bunch of penis tags right now!

Anonymous said...

I am so shocked by the injustices of the world.

"Get this man a penis!"

ShellyS said...

Sounds like you had more *fun* in Second Life than I had. I haven't been back in there for months. I think I'll have forgotten how to move.

Anonymous said...

humm

I signed up some time ago but forgot my name, luckily I just found it over at my blog log where I hid it.

I never could figure out what to do there, but if men don't have penises I may just have to go back over there. ;0

tshsmom said...

Maybe all the male avatars are politicians? The world already has enough "dickless wonders". ;)

Vest said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
mister anchovy said...

I checked out Second Life a while back. I mean I got an avitar and went through the orientation and then started to look around and try to figure out, well figure out something. Mostly I was confused at where to go or what to do or how to do stuff and then mostly I was really bored because, well because it just wasn't all that interesting. I haven't been back.

Super Happy Jen said...

I signed up a while ago, spent ten minutes creating an Avatar that looked reasonably like me, then wandered around for a bit and got bored. Never made it to the orgy room.

Jay said...

I really don't know about this second life stuff, but it does seem sad to have to learn the hard lesson of your own lackings in front of other avatars.

Jeremy Lowe said...

Cracked me up, but people are always interested in the bazzar. Happy writing!

Liz said...

Do female avatars have female genitals? Or do we have to buy a clitoris?

zydeco fish said...

From what I can tell, female avatars have nothing there either, but I haven't investigated whether you can upgrade to anatomically-correct versions. It's a very good question.