Friday, October 30, 2009

Shopping with the Ancient and the Insane

I took last Friday afternoon off to get some stuff accomplished prior to a busy weekend.  First, I decided to do the grocery shopping.  What's going on with Friday afternoons in grocery stores?  Why are so many weird people allowed to be in public on Friday afternoons?

Immediately upon entering the store, I was confronted with a man who seemed to like talking to pumpkins.  He then turned to me and discussed the prices of produce as compared with all of the other local stores.  Pumpkins, he assured me, were cheaper here than in the other shops, but then he seemed a little perplexed that I did not buy any, but then neither did he.  Pumpkin man moved sideways to examine the butter nut squash and he tried to persuade me to buy one, which I did, because I needed one.  He then went off to have a conversation with the avocados.

I had to wait to select apples, because someone had unfolded his flyer across the entire bin, as if it were his personal table.  And, let me tell you, all of these people were armed with flyers, man.  They were buying items simply because they were on sale.  How else do you explain someone buying liver?  I know, some of these people are from that age group that still believes that liver is good for you.  Suckers!

I put my earbuds in and walked the aisles with a great deal of difficulty because Friday shoppers seem to have no understanding of how to park one's cart so as to let others pass by.  I was stuck behind a woman accompanying her blind husband who, quite frankly, was squeezing the mangoes a bit too hard.  I felt worried for the melons in the next bin.  Is it possible that he thought that he was at home and that those mangoes were really his wife's ... ?  Well, never mind.

I continued around, marveling at the toothless hoards drooling over the saltines, the aged ambling about with able walkers, one of whom was sniffing chicken wrapped in plastic, and those who seemed to have no business in a grocery store whatsoever.

I quickly skirted the near riot by the Depends, and then made my way to the check out, where the person in front of me had all of her credit cards declined; she had no cash to speak of with her.  Quickly, I backed out only to end up behind some belligerent jerk who argued over the limits.  For some reason, he wanted more than 10 cases of pop.

So, my new rule is to avoid Friday afternoon shopping, unless I have no choice.


k said...

Welcome to my world, though it's like that all week during the day. They drive like that, too. I've told Rob to shoot me if I ever get old that that, and I wasn't kidding.

SME said...

Sheesh, I hate it when shopping turns into a gauntlet of insanity. You're lucky it's only Fridays, tho - in some places, the crazy level stays high throughout the week. My stepson worked in an auto-parts store in a little Western Canadian town for a while, and one day an old man came in looking for Bondo. Asked if he was doing some body work, he said, "No, I'm building a device that'll clear the clouds in a 40-mile radius of my farm." While he was shopping, another old man came in, pointed at him, and hollered, "PERVERT!". Then he pointed at my stepson and hollered "PERVERT!" again. Then he ran out of the store. The first old man gave him the bird and explained, "He's trying to screw me in court."

Super Happy Jen said...

I must say, for the record, that liver fried with bacon and onions is delicious.

tweetey30 said...

I have to say I dont care for liver no matter how its made.. So t hey can have my share all they want of it.. anyway sorry to hear you hate friday afternoon shopping. I have to say we go on Saturday's and its no better here.. That is when it seems everyone is out.. Including the insane... and the sane... Yikes a mix..