From the Archives

Some time ago, my mother began bequeathing things on me. There was, of course, the bedpan, and other associated goodies. My favourite item was an old letter from a great uncle that recounted in a very detached and matter-of-fact manner that his house had just burned down and that the family had lost everything, less the clothes on their backs.

I am always surprised that she has anything left to give me, because she relentlessly turfed everything that had no utility over the years. She even threw out music if she didn't like it. So went one of my Van Morrison albums, because she objected to the song title TB Sheets. A Jethro Tull album met the same fate, because of the lyric "snot is running down his nose" (from Aqualung). All of the toys went in lawn sales so that she could buy cigarettes. There was no way to stop her and so no one tried.

I was surprised when she gave me this item that I made when I was five years old. By the way, the last line translates to "I love you because you are taking me to Miami." I used some invented spelling there. Clearly, I was happy to have clean clothes and food.

I am sure lots of people have things like this from their childhood, many of which are unintentionally funny. I say, share them with the world.

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