Fatherly Advice
As a young man, I received two pieces of fatherly advice (well, two pieces that I can remember). They are:
1) Don't work in a factory;
2) 5 Minutes per side and then build up
Yes, every summer, I got the 5 minutes per side sun tanning lecture. He wasn't trying to stop me from sun tanning; he wanted me to get my pale hide into the sun and get some colour. So, start off with 5 minutes per side and then build up until I would be a wrinkled, red, old man with skin cancer, just like him. I avoided the sun, except for that one summer I spent on a beach actively trying to get a tan.
I remember the day my dad got his first Speedo. I was 13 or 14 and I watched my dad emerge from his bedroom and say (for some reason, these words are forever etched into my brain):
"I can barely fit into these, and I'm not sure if I'm bragging or complaining." Soon, he was seen rolling up the Speedo to expose his white butt. That was bad, but things got a lot worse then he bought a thong. "Sun my buns" became the new catch phrase. As a man in his early 70s, he can still be seen wearing the Speedo. I am certain that, for him, the Speedo was the most important invention in the history of civilization.
Technorati Tags: father, sun tanning, speedo
9 comments:
My Goodness. That was YOUR dad on the beach. I'm sorry.
Speedo!
How did you survive your childhood?
FAR too many visuals in that post!
Jay, I am not sure. Oh, and I forgot to mention that he later went au naturel, and I even have a picture of him from behind (not the front, thank god) walking down a beach. I am deeply scarred.
I got my first speedo last year. I never imagined in my life that I'd ever wear one but my wife had it specially made (it's a spider-man one) and misunderstood when she ordered just what she was ordering.
It's actually rather comfortable and I don't mind it at all now. I wore it for most of our honeymoon and just now, almost a year later the tan lines are mostly gone.
I enjoy embarrassing my kids as much as the next parent, but a Speedo?! That's worse than the 50+ women that run around in bib-overall shorts. EEWWWW!!
My father told me to never play poker with two brothers nor anyone named Doc or Whitey.
i'm pretty sure that a spiderman speedo is the hottest thing i've ever heard of. you think i am kidding, but i'm not. i kinda want my boyfriend to get one. he's a librarian too.
My closest neighbours here in the middle of nowhere are naturists. In the summer they don't really like to wear clothes around the farm. Everyone I tell this to assumes that they must be really hot (as in sexy), but unfortunately there is a universal law that only men with big bellys or whithered haunches and only women with saggy boobs or lumpy bottoms choose nakedness as their regular outdoor apparel.
BTW when I moved in they were very considerate in checking out whether I was ok with their clothing-free lifestyle.
Post a Comment