The Close Talker and the Egomaniac

I still haven't figured out what term best applies to him, but my colleague has been described as a buffoon, idiot, and moron. I am sad to report that I can add Close Talker to the list. Glass of wine in hand, I orchestrated a creeping backwards maneuver, with him in close pursuit, until we were no less than six feet away from where our conversation began only ten minutes earlier. This is how snakes move - silently and inexorably, millimeter by millimeter until they swallow their pray or find a place to warm up in the sun. The good news is that we ended up beside the open bar, and I turned to my right and said: "red wine please." She refilled my glass.

My back should be sore, for it was arched away from him, trying to avoid his breath on my face, the light random drizzle from his mouth, and his exploding Ps. If anyone had been paying close attention, they would have approached me and offered to push me upright. When the dinner bell rang, I found a good seat in the middle of the room and chose a chair that afforded me a good view of the podium, so I would not have to twist my head around like an owl to see the person speaking. The bad news is that I sat right next to an egomaniac.

A simple question turned into a 15 minute exposition of how freaking wonderful she is, and then on she went about her grants, her research, her publications, her life-long interest in learning. I got the whole story of her childhood and how she was the first woman in her class to attend college. I had to sneak in that I was the first person in my family to attend University. She bulldozed over that. It was exhausting listening to her. But, there was free wine, a substance that can counteract the effects of a poison.

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