Perplexing Things

#1) The French Department where I just took my French course prohibits the awarding of grades higher than an A, which means I will get an A, according to the instructor. This is ridiculous. If you achieve an A+, you ought to get an A+. This A will bring down my GPA.

#2) My mother sent me a bizarre birthday card that defies explanation. First, on the return address label, she blacked out her middle initial. It's perplexing that she just doesn't get new labels. I know that she hates her middle name, and I can understand that, but simply knowing that her middle name commences with an M does not mean that people will know what her middle name is! One can also see that she has scribbled over the M anyway. So, she is just drawing attention to the fact that there is something wrong on the label. If you ask me, her middle name is better than her first name. This is a sign.

#3) Inside the envelope were coupons for various things, like batteries, etc. I will not use any of these coupons. The most amazing thing is that none of the coupons is expired, as is usually the case.

#4) Inside the envelope was an out-of-focus and badly-composed photograph of some roses her mother received for her 80th birthday in November of 1999. On the back, she printed: "NOV 99 MOTHERS [sic] ROSES FOR BIRTHDAY 80TH". The photo clearly depicts the atrocity that is my grandmother's kitchen, from the heinous wall paper to the nausea-inducing tablecloth. It is perplexing to me that my grandmother has not redecorated in over 25 years of ownership.

#5) Inside the envelope was a folded over piece of paper containing a stamp affixed with glue. My mother scribbled that she wanted me to see this stamp with a pig on it. It's must be from a series of stamps depicting Chinese Astrological signs. I am not a pig. The paper the stamp is affixed to is from a tax receipt from March 28, 2004 which indicates that she gave $20 to the church for the first quarter of the year.

#6) Inside the envelope was half of a birthday card. She simply cut the front off an old card, presumably because the other part had writing on it. She edited the Happy Birthday line on the front by inserting, the word BELATED with a ^ and then wrote my name below. On the back she wrote: "Here is the 1/2 card; Hope you had a Happy Birthday. The check is whole." Why "the" half card?

#7) The cheque was for $30. Also included was a cheque from my grandmother for $20. My grandmother sends hers along in the same envelope to save on postage and greeting cards. My grandmother has given me the same amount for Christmas and my birthday since the day I was born. Inflation means nothing to her. When my first daughter was born, she gave me $5. The Italian lady that lived next door and who could barely speak English - and whom I saw a handful of times in my life - gave me $20. That is perplexing.