I've Been Jesused
It finally happened. Yesterday, one of the Jesus Freaks here handed me a brochure called Good News. When the door-to-door Jesus salesmen and saleswomen come calling, I normally slam the door in his/her face. It's difficult to do that at work. Not that I care if anyone is religious. You can be crazy about god, speak in tongues, go all weak in the knees, and faint in a rapturous heap on the floor for all I care. Just keep it to yourself, please. I wonder if she was on break when she handed out her junk mail, or if she did it on company time. Hmmm.
I do have to describe the brochure to you. The front features an image of two men reading a book, which I gather is the bible. Judging from the smiles on their faces, I would have guessed that it was either the Happy Hooker or The Story of O. The two chaps are rendered in a 1950s children picture book manner, if you know what I mean. In other words, they look cheesy as hell.
Inside, we are treated to a drawing of Jesus (in red) looking an awful lot like Brad Pitt in Kalifornia, but without the baseball cap. There's also an image of a person sitting on the ground in front of a robed man (maybe Jesus, maybe not). The thing is that the person's head is at genital height, making it look as though he is about to service Jesus. To make it more convincing, Jesus has placed one hand on the chap's head, as if to guide the kneeling chap along in his task. Maybe it's a new spin on baptism.
Plus, the grammar is all screwy. For example:
"Sin leads, to hell, but God loves us." - What's with the comma craziness?
"Then on the third day after his death - God raised Jesus back to Life!" - Life gets a capital letter, for some reason. The use of a em dash between death and God is wrong. It should be a comma.
I'll stop with the editing, because there are too many other errors to continue.
So, she handed this brochure to me, and I had to restrain myself from saying something that I might regret. I took the badly folded home-printed flyer from her, and said:" I probably won't read it." That didn't seem to bother her at all. And, the truth is, I did read it, but it had the opposite effect: it added to my conviction that those who proselytize are morons and should go to hell for wasting our time.
5 comments:
Dude, try being a kid dragged around with her mother handing out that crap. Though perhaps the embarrassment helped lead me to the light. That is, the light for a way out!
ZF I see you have never read the bible because most of the words are are ancient words that we dont even use anymore.. I cant give you an example right now. But still. I know what you mean.
This happened at WORK?!? As much as I don't want to hear it at home, I really don't want people harassing me about religion at work. And I try not to bring up my own religious beliefs, because that's personal and not something other people need to hear all about.
That brochure reminds me of a lot that I have seen. And it sounds like it was translated from some obscure language by a non-native English speaker.
I used to have a boss that had a bible on his desk and would say things like "let's pray on it" when we we encountered a problem.
I found another job.
I find religious pamphlets and cute little religious paraphenalia booklets at bus stops and in public bathrooms all the time. They usually make me laugh, but sometimes they upset me.
Post a Comment