Monday, February 08, 2010

ZF's Perfect Frittata Recipe

The perfect frittata starts with a chicken.  Oh, and if you don't have any idea what a frittata is, let me enlighten you. It's evidently of Italian origin and normally made with eggs and chopped vegetables or meat.  It's probably best just to look up a few recipes, and then try this one as it is the best one.

So, as I was saying, the perfect frittata recipe commences with a chicken.  So, first you buy a nice chicken and take it home.  You will want a dead chicken, unless you are fond of killing things. Slather some olive oil and sea salt on the chicken and set the bird aside.  (If you have a preferred chicken recipe, please follow it. Alert: don't put potatoes in with your chicken because they don't belong there.  If you really want potatoes, roast them in a separate pan. And, for the love of God, don't put plain white potatoes in the frittata!).

Step two: cut up lots vegetables.  And, by this I mean parsnips (remember to cut out the woody cores), carrots, sweet potatoes (yams), one or two onions, and squash.  Alert: please use butternut squash.  Most other types of squash are inferior.

Put the vegetables in a large roasting pan.  Remember I said to cut up lots of vegetables?  We need extra for part two of the recipe, so cut up lots and use a large roasting pan.  I use a pan large enough for a turkey or a medium penguin.  Throw in the vegetables along with sea salt and olive oil.

I like to give the vegetables a head start, so pop them into the oven for ten minutes or so at 375 and then throw the bird on top and cook until done.  When I was a younger man, I hated recipes that said "cook until done."  How the hell are you supposed to know what that means  if you have never cooked before?  I am so over that now, so I can say things like "cook until done" and laugh at those who have no idea what it means.

Now, eat your chicken and vegetables, but remember that we have to save some for the frittata that you will make the next day.

After dinner, go to bed.  Well, I suppose that you will have to clean up the kitchen first, and put the leftovers in the fridge.  Get out of bed the next day.  Now, you can either have the frittata for breakfast, brunch, lunch, or dinner. Yes, it is that versatile.  If you are having it for breakfast or brunch, start making it when you get out of bed.  Otherwise, cook up some bacon and eggs for breakfast and do this later.

OK, so here is the recipe.

Chop up some bacon.  Use half a package or a third of a package.  This all depends on how many leftover vegetables you have and how big of a frittata you plan to make.  Throw the pieces of bacon into a cast iron pan and cook until crisp. Once crisp, remove from pan and place the bacon on a paper towel.

Retain some or all of the bacon grease in the pan and add a sliced onion and garlic.  When these have partially cooked, add a zucchini (cut in rounds) and a red or orange or yellow pepper (cut in slices).  Alert: please do not use green peppers.  This is an inferior pepper.  And, remember a green bell pepper is simply an immature red pepper.  It's like eating a green banana. You want a ripe red bell pepper or its luscious cousins, the yellow or the orange.  Oh, and you could add broccoli, but I only do that if I have no zucchini. It's OK, but I think it's not as good as using a zucchini.  You could also use asparagus.

Once the vegetables are nicely on their way, add the leftover vegetables from the chicken.  Stir it up and  let it all warm through.  Beat some eggs in a bowl.  The size of your pan and the amount of vegetables will determine the number of eggs.  It could be 5, 6, or 7 or more.  Don't include the shells.  Add a bit of milk (soy milk, please) and some pepper.  You won't need any salt.

Pour this over the contents of the pan.  You may find that you will need an extra egg.  If so, beat one up and pour it in.  It's probably best to cover the pan with a lid to help it cook through the middle.  When it looks cooked on top, just stick a knife in to make sure you don't have any gooey egginess inside.

Now, you will stick the pan under the broiler in your oven.  I put in in for a short time, and then sprinkle the bacon over the top.  Some of you people who are addicted to cheese may want to add  the congealed breast milk of a hairy 2000 pound animal, or even parmesan.  Feel free to ruin it, but I would prefer if you didn't.   Don't burn it.

Cut it and serve it, perhaps with a salad on the side, if this is a lunch menu item.

And, there you have an easy recipe.

By the way, you can use the leftover chicken in any number of ways.  I like to make chicken salad.  Mmmmn, mayo...


running42k said...

Left over chicken needs to be warmed between tortillas with salsa and cheese, warm until the tortilla is crispy.

Your recipe isn't bad either though.

Anonymous said...

you've made me very, very hungry

mister anchovy said...

Hmmmm, what's for supper...geez for some reason I'm kinda jonesin for a fritatta right about now. Don't tell fish, but I'm going to use plenty of cheese, and lots of hot chiles too.

Super Happy Jen said...

This is hilarious. Mmmmmnnn congealed breastmilk....melted. Yum!

Deodand said...

I agree, green peppers are utterly vile. They're a rude, obnoxious, overbearing guest in any recipe.