Oscars, Part 3

I decided to skip the Barbara Walters special and now I discover that Regis Philbin is doing his red carpet thang. I have to say that Regis is a great name. I wish my parents had named me that. I am serious. If that isn't enough, his middle names are Francis Xavier. Astounding. What a lucky man.

A few observations:

- John Travolta's hair looks like a helmet.
- Laura Linney reminds me of Helen Hunt (but with a smaller forehead).
- Javier Bardem scares me, even when not in character and even without the worst haircut in movie history.
- Wow, I didn't realize that Daniel Day Lewis wears such serious earrings. I am not sold on them, though.
- 1 Billion people will be watching the Academy Awards, which is about 999,999,999 more than are reading this blog.

Oscars, Part 1

Thank G-d I am unable to find the horrid red carpet show hosted by that walking corpse, Joan Rivers. She is not funny, and I cringe whenever she opens her mouth. But, it means that I am watching Ben (Benedict Martin Paul) Mulroney and Jeanne Becker, whom I usually call Jeanie Beeker. Jeanne is a lousy interviewer and what is clearly worse is that she is showing altogether far too much cleavage, and it's not even nice cleavage. I am all for cleavage, but it has go be good cleavage, and hers is not.

Benedict just congratulated George Clooney on his hair, but I have to say that mine hair is better. George has the same haircut my dad sported for half a century, so it can't really be that good.

The really irritating part about the whole red carpet phenomenon is the "who are you wearing?" thing. That is dumb.