Keyword Mayhem, part 8

It's official. The most common search terms that bring people to this wonderful blog are searches like crocheted penis warmers, or knitted penis warmers, or peter heaters, etc. It all goes back to this post. Once again, I will state that I have no idea why people continue to be interested in such a garment.

Second in popularity is some sort of spin on sybil sheppard naked. I get this over and over and over again. Why her, of all people? I mean, if I were searching for photos of naked women, she would be way down the list. Way way down, in fact.

Other people are searching for Japanese penises, rob black in porn with fish, can you catch an std from touching used hygiene products?, NICOLA KIDMAN PORN, second life female genitalia, helpful head librarian porn, and have a thing for chicks that say aboot.

I am losing hope for humanity.

Most of the rest are people seeking answers to dreams about eating glass and/or cockroaches. I am not alone, it seems.

Lunch is calling me ...

Peter Heater, Redux

I still wanted to believe, despite comments to the contrary on this post, that the notion of a Peter Heater was bizarre and rare. But, intrepid web searchers keep landing here in quest of "peter heater patterns" and "crocheted peter heater." Wow, dudes. It's true and I am wondering if I should be selling such patterns.

I am growing accustomed to the bizarre terms that bring people to this blog. All I have to do is use words like coprophagia and get a flood of traffic, especially if I couple the term with fetish or sex.

So, here is another review. It always makes me laugh:

china adult diaper ring
open slit diapers in china
best off the shelf adult diaper
females with bloody tampons
i'd rather pee in my adult diaper than use the toilet

See, crazy bodily function searches. And;

"second life" clitoris
nympho librarian
'Leather clad Bondage scene'
my sister hidden porn
masturbating with fish

Now, is that with fish, as in you invite a few fish friends over and watch each other, or is this using fish as an aid in the act? I did stumble upon my sister's porn collection once, and she was in it, so that scarred me for life.

WOMEN DISCUSS HOW FEMALE JANITORS GO INTO RESTROOMS WHILE MEN ARE USING THEM

Is that a fetish too?

fish dresses to ice skate in
fish that tastes like rubber
snack food shaped like a fish

Yup, the other more predictable fish searches, but I wonder why anyone would to find fish that tastes like rubber.

How to feather hair on the sides

There was a time when I could give you precise instructions, but those days are gone.

Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle

I am relieved that Yahoo has rejected Microsoft's takeover offer, but I realize that this may not be the end of it. I am often amused by the search engine battles on the web. Google gets most of the search traffic, with Microsoft, Yahoo, and others lagging behind. So, theoretically, a merger is a good way to catch up.

There must be a better way. Google's ambitious goal to index the entire web is an impossible one, and I would argue that it is a stupid goal as well. Searching Google certainly gets lots of results, but so much of it is garbage. The same is true with Yahoo and Microsoft's Live Search. What we really need is an intelligent search engine that can distinguish between searches that appear to be identical.

For example, if I am searching for Juno, I think the reply from the search engine should be:

Select what you are looking for from this list: the movie, the Japanese model, the Juno Awards, Juno Records ...

When you click one of the terms, the search engine should add some search terms and construct a proper Boolean search, like: juno and (movie or film or theatrical release or motion picture). Most people have no idea how to construct a nested Boolean search, and only Yahoo supports it on the web anyway, but there are advanced search techniques in Google than can give you the same results.

The problem with search engines is that huge numbers of results come back at you, and research has proven that most people look only at the first two pages: the rest is irrelevant. I think we ought to be looking at smaller, better engines, like the human-powered Mahalo. It's database is slowly being compiled by humans. Don't run out an Mahalo yourself, because you won't be there, but you can add yourself. You might be a little underwhelmed at search results but I think, in time, search engines like this might prevail over the giants.

Oh, and the real reason I don't want Microsoft to take over Yahoo, is because then the evil empire will own Flickr, and that would be bad news.