Tuesday, February 06, 2007

The Conference Review

I wish I had taken a photo of the carpeting at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre. It is the ugliest, most disgusting, and nauseating carpet I have ever seen. I have to think it was some sort of sick joke. There are two varieties: the first in the open areas, although ugly, retains some dignity in it's restrained geometry. In the meeting rooms, all hell breaks loose. I still haven't determined if the design is supposed to resemble a plant - perhaps a pea pod - or a pupal casing.

Late Friday, after the AGM for a division I am a member of (or, of which I am a member), I headed to the reception, a few minutes late. I asked a colleague when the food was coming, as all I could see were lengths of empty tables, laid out with white hotel table cloths. "Oh", he said, "the food is gone already." In the twenty minutes that had expired, while I lingered over the last half a glass of wine and chatted with friends and colleagues, hundreds of librarians had devoured all of the food. In the distance, I saw a man, dressed in white wielding a knife, presiding over a hunk of beef the size of a Smart car. I thought it might have been a mirage.

I gravitated to him, found a plate, and he hacked off a piece of bloody beef. I declined the bread roll, as I cannot eat wheat, and looked for cutlery. Finding only a fork, I attempted to cut the flesh with the blunt side of the implement. Failing in that task, I picked up the bloody meat with my hands and ripped at it with my teeth. I was thankful for the dim light, for I think I looked like a lion gnawing on the belly of some unfortunate ungulate. I wiped away the juices flowing down my chin, took a sip of wine, and reflected on the fact that I used to be a vegetarian. How things change.

Listening to: Beck - The Information.

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7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nice imagery.

K.

ShellyS said...

What an inspiring conference story. ;)

zydeco fish said...

k: thanks.

shelly: as you can see, i avoided all discussions of conference content. i wouldn't want to be predictable.

Unknown said...

Y'know, I hadn't paid much attention to the carpet, in fact I'm pretty sure I haven't looked at the carpet in the meeting rooms ever. So I just had to see what you were talking about. For your reader's here's some pics:
showing the reception area and Showing a meeting room.


Are you really surprised food is gone after 20 minutes? That's one reason I didn't bother going to the reception at all.

Anonymous said...

and the moral of the story is:

you snooze, you lose.

:)

zydeco fish said...

sadly, that is true.

Jen: thanks for the photo links. We either need more food next time or quotas :-)

Critical Darling said...

Wow, you sure are right about the carpet...how do you even come up with a design like that? Hrmmm...what this needs are some giant leprechaun turds to really make the squares POP!

I'd also like to add that I am so sick of being offered paltry half glasses of wine. Don't tease me like that. My ex's parents had the smallest wine glasses I've ever seen (I didn't want to point out that they were probably intended for liquers). I'd feel like a complete lush if I had more than one refill. Grr..protestants.