Saint Expeditus (My Real Patron Saint)

I know I said that my patron saint is Jerome (the patron saint of librarians), but I have found a more appropriate saint.

My quest for a better saint suggested several options. It could have been Augustine of Hippo, the patron saint of sore eyes, Wilgefortis, the patron saint of people seeking relief from tribulations, Sebaldus, invoked against cold weather and cold (the general state of my office), Rita of Cascia, the patron saint of lost or impossible causes, Saint Quentin, the patron saint of coughs and sneezes, Gertrude of Nivelles, invoked against mice and rats (but they are gone now from the house), or Christina the Astonishing, to protect me from insanity. I can't forget Veronica, the patron saint of photography. Surely, she has helped me.

But, I had to settle on Saint Expeditus, the patron saint against procrastination. Imagine being the patron saint invoked against an incurable affliction. His name seems strong enough to prod one on, to encourage anyone to get things done, but all I can do is laugh. Initially, I felt a tremendous urge to expedite all manner of things when I read the name Expeditus, but the hilarity of the name and the futility of attempting to correct this life-long disorder made me laugh.

All of this begs the question of what place, disorder, or occupation I should be named the patron saint. As you can see, the good ones are already taken (I knew someone I would nominate as the patron saint of flatulence), so perhaps I can hope to be chosen as the patron saint of cyclists. Of course, I would have to be canonized first, but that seems easy, given the way the Catholic Church hands out sainthoods. You'd think it was the Oscars. Oh, I suppose I would have to convert to Catholicism. That would painful.

It you will excuse me now, I am off to have a chat with Saint Expeditus.