Dancing Librarians

I chose a slightly blurry photo so as to keep identities secret. It seems like there is some sort of circular bunny hop happening.

I have more, but my laptop, despite a new battery ($157), is not healthy. It won't charge or maintain a charge when powered up, and the battery drains twice as fast as it should, even when plugged in. When shut off, it sort of charges, but the battery light goes out or flickers. Damn computers.

My Patron Saint

I should have taken this week off from work. I mean, practically no one is here. I have a distinct lack of motivation because the place is deserted. Sure, there are things to be done, but I have no interest in doing them right now. I want to go home and sleep and warm up after my cold cycle in this morning. So, instead of working, I am writing this and listening to Acme Plus from the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. I found this CD for only $5.99 at HMV. Amazing. I think I am contracting another cold. That sucks.

Did you know that Saint Jerome is the patron saint of librarians, archivists, translators and encyclopedists? I had no idea either. I am not sure why this is the case. In fact, check out some of his famous quotes:

"...though God can do all things He cannot raise up a virgin when once she has fallen..."

I think there is now surgery that will do the trick.

"I praise wedlock, I praise marriage, but it is because they give me virgins."

I am not sure that is true.

"Notice that it is good virgins who are spoken of, for there are bad ones as well."

I am beginning to wonder why he is my patron saint.

"Be not afraid that all will become virgins: virginity is a hard matter, and therefore rare, because it is hard..."

Probably true!

A Quote

Been a lazy blogger this week, so just a short quote today from Quare Dewd: "Librarians should always get lots of sex, hot chocolate, and cash!"

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I suppose I should tell you where this comes from. You can make your own card on John's Blyberg's card generator. Just don't ask me to provide you with any subject headings or call numbers. I've lost my Cutter table anyway. It even lets you add those scribbles.

While at Blyberg.net, I discovered that John has left AADL and is going to Darien Public Library. Of course, if you are not a librarian, this will mean nothing to you. If you are, you will already know that AADL has received lots of attention for its innovative web design.

I didn't mind cycling in the very heavy snow this morning. It was like a winter wonderland. Those huge flakes remind me of my childhood and it was a very pleasant ride, until I realized that most of the roads were covered in sheets of ice. That was OK too, until I fell off my bike, while stopped, no less. Then, it began to rain, and I was no longer a happy winter cyclist.

I'd write more, but I have to go off and interview someone for a job. Such is life.

Technorati Tags: cycling, winter, libraries, librarians

The Conference Review

I wish I had taken a photo of the carpeting at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre. It is the ugliest, most disgusting, and nauseating carpet I have ever seen. I have to think it was some sort of sick joke. There are two varieties: the first in the open areas, although ugly, retains some dignity in it's restrained geometry. In the meeting rooms, all hell breaks loose. I still haven't determined if the design is supposed to resemble a plant - perhaps a pea pod - or a pupal casing.

Late Friday, after the AGM for a division I am a member of (or, of which I am a member), I headed to the reception, a few minutes late. I asked a colleague when the food was coming, as all I could see were lengths of empty tables, laid out with white hotel table cloths. "Oh", he said, "the food is gone already." In the twenty minutes that had expired, while I lingered over the last half a glass of wine and chatted with friends and colleagues, hundreds of librarians had devoured all of the food. In the distance, I saw a man, dressed in white wielding a knife, presiding over a hunk of beef the size of a Smart car. I thought it might have been a mirage.

I gravitated to him, found a plate, and he hacked off a piece of bloody beef. I declined the bread roll, as I cannot eat wheat, and looked for cutlery. Finding only a fork, I attempted to cut the flesh with the blunt side of the implement. Failing in that task, I picked up the bloody meat with my hands and ripped at it with my teeth. I was thankful for the dim light, for I think I looked like a lion gnawing on the belly of some unfortunate ungulate. I wiped away the juices flowing down my chin, took a sip of wine, and reflected on the fact that I used to be a vegetarian. How things change.

Listening to: Beck - The Information.

Technorati Tags: conferences, carpet, food

I Have Returned

During the one day mini-conference that preceded the Ontario Library Association's Super Conference, I sat behind a woman who spent most of the day knitting. Now, I am sure that knitting is a wonderful pastime. One must get an extraordinary sense of accomplishment out of giving useful form to something shaved from the hide of the Ovis Aries. Still, it was a bit odd, to me anyway. And, she never even offered to make me socks or a sweater.

The guy next to me looked exactly like Abraham Lincoln, only much much greyer. Whenever I think of Abraham Lincoln, I have a visual image of him in a top hat and tux. I think that might have something to do with a Star Trek episode I once saw.

But, the worst thing about this event was the chairs. Clearly, they were designed by some sort of Sadist. I have never been so uncomfortable. Well, there was that time in the Hummingbird Centre after 4 hours of Wagner, but that was to be expected. I kept looking over at Lincoln, expecting him to be all presidential and to veto the chairs, but he looked so peaceful and relaxed.

I'd like to say a few things about the conference, but I am off to a long meeting (2 hours or more), so it will have to wait until tomorrow.

Technorati Tags: conferences, chairs

Conference

Hi, I am attending the Ontario Library Association Conference. It commenced this evening, after an all-day meeting. I might be able to post from the conference, but I am not sure. Leave a message and I'll get back to you later.

Fallen Comrade

The colleague deemed most likely to go postal, has left the building, but not without first unleashing a venomous 3500 word email in which he criticized the administration, his bosses, and some colleagues. D - a colleague - later informed me that this type of letter is known as a Fallen Comrade Letter. Feeling that they are unjustly terminated, these disgruntled employees attack everyone and everything, trying to put the blame somewhere else, rather than looking closely and objectively at the situation. The military image even holds up in his letter, when he writes: "...I concede defeat and so leave the field of battle."

The most irritating thing is that he argued that his employment came to an end because he is gay, an assertion that is absolute nonsense. At the time he worked here, 50% of the male librarians were gay. The actual number may be either 45% or 55%, but I have excluded one fellow, whose sexuality is so ambiguous, he might well be a castrato, but that is another story.

The librarian profession is so filled with gayness (and there is nothing wrong with that), people assume that I am gay. Those who know otherwise, naturally assume that I must be bi-sexual. I am not sure if this is because of some sort of latent metrosexuality or an assumption that only gay men work in this profession, once described as the pink collar ghetto. I am not sure, but this comrade's arguments are completely without merit.

To him, I say: Good night and good luck.

Currently listening to: 1-Speed Bike - Droopy Butt Begone. It's very cool.

Technorati Tags: librarians, fallen comrades, employment, sexual orientation

Cockroaches

OK, so I just found a cockroach in my office! I put my hand in my drawer to get something, and my hand came out with a cockroach on it. Yikes! I may need to move my office higher in the building. I have lived with these little bastards in two different places, and I hate them. I have a few choice cockroach stories, but I'll leave that for another day. The good news is, the exterminator is coming. That means we will be seeing lots of dead and dying insects, since an infestation was recently discovered in the staff room. I guess they migrated to my office.

On my way to give an instructional session to 25, or so, engineers yesterday, a bird shat on me. I hear that's good luck, but, not on a black shirt. I had to find a bathroom and try to get the shit out, but when there are no paper towels, that is a hard thing to do. That's the trouble with hand dryers. Damn the hand dryers. I hate the noise they make anyway, but they can make your hands nice and toasty.

When I got to the class, I discovered that the TA was missing and, after a few minutes, I realized that he probably had a better offer. So, I had to collect the assignments, introduce myself, and then thank myself. I did a good job, of course.

Happy Friday.

Technorati Tags: cockroaches, roaches, insects, vermin, pests, TAs, teaching

Answers, Part 3

Kyahgirl has a few questions. I will tackle two in this post:

Have you met any blogger buddies in real life?

Why, yes I have. I know a handful of bloggers in real life, but only two that are listed in my blogroll. I have known Running42k, proprietor of Musings of Middle Age, for many years. We were roommates in our first year of University and we were next door neighbours the year after in the same residence. Here is a picture of him from back-in-the-day.

As it happens, in the second year, I was the only person on our floor - aside from the House Advisor - not to get an "Incident Report." I believe Running42K's came when he threw some heavy object out of his window and nearly hit the Hall Advisor. Talk about bad aim. If I am not mistaken, that was the same night that I put R42k's phone in his freezer, but I am not really sure why. It just seemed to fit. I could go on and on about residence life, but that is probably enough for now. By the way, there was an incident or two that probably deserved an Incident Report, but I was smart enough to keep out of harm's way.

The other person I know is Katherine, from Wabisabi, which is in many ways a blog about knitting, but also more. She and I went through the Master of Library Science program at a large North American University. I have certain opinions about that program. She is also my ex-girlfriend (I hope she doesn't mind me saying that so publicly). She was the first urban cyclist I met, and I soon decided that cycling in Toronto was a good idea.

Have you been out West?

Yes. I went to Edmonton in February several years ago. I was flown out for a job interview. I was not entirely taken with Edmonton, but it was February and something like minus 55 degrees. The sky was very blue, however. I spent some time on Whyte Avenue, and that was cool.

I went to Vancouver about 6 years ago, where I presented a paper at a conference with a co-worker. I loved Vancouver, even though I mistakenly walked right through Junkieville. That was interesting.

If I keep answering questions, I'll never have to think of an original idea again for this blog.

Technorati Tags: bloggers, friends, residence, Edmonton, Vancouver

I am Stressed, Man, Very Very Stressed

For those of you that missed this, and I assume that is everyone, a new study says that librarians suffer more stress than firefighters, police officers, train operators, and teachers. Say what?

How could my job be more stressful than firefighters who may, at any time, be asked to pull people from burning buildings? How could being a librarian be more stressful than a police officer, who may be fired upon by all sorts of nasty criminals? This makes no sense to me. There is very little stress in my job. In fact, I rather enjoy my job. There is essentially no supervision and I have complete academic freedom. What's stressful about that?

Alright, I have to go upstairs now and try to teach some research skills to a few undergrads. It promises to be very very stressful.

Technorati Tags: librarians, stress

I'm a Twit!

So says Miriam-the-Librarian in this post. She objected to my post about the recent Canadian election. I always knew I was a twit, but I am happy to have the confirmation.

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A Late Apology (and a Thank You) to my High School Librarian

Dear Specky (aka Radar Bob, Sonar Bob),

I am sorry that I made fun of you behind your back in high school. Yes, we called you Specky, because of your geek glasses, and Radar Bob, after the library installed security gates. The truth is, I now realize that you were so cool. You wore those heavy plastic geeky glasses long before anyone had ever heard the names Drew Carey or Cory Doctorow. And your short pants, hovering above the ankles, allowed everyone to see your stylish brown leather shoes. They were so worn in, they must have been very comfortable. I also liked your plastic pocket protector. Ink would have ruined those expensive white shirts with those long tails puffing out of the back of your pants.

Was that really Brylcreem in your hair? I thought the wet head was dead, but you said otherwise. Ah, defiance rules.

Thanks for teaching my how to search for articles in magazines and journals. I am still amazed when I encounter 4th years students who do not understand the difference between a peer-reviewed journal and a web page. Hell, they can't even distinguish a book from an article. You may have looked funny but I think you knew what you were doing.

I always wonder why you decided to become a librarian. In High School, I thought that Librarianship was one of those professions of last resort, like the lunch lady and the custodian. I have changed my mind. I need some new clothes. I think I'll head off to the Salvation Army Thrift Store for some pants that are too short, a pair of well worn shoes, and then to the closest drug store for some wet hair product.

Technorati Tags: librarians, high school

Self Portrait #5
(Self Portrait #4)

I survived the Conference. It was good and bad. You know, I really hate it when the abstract in the programme is completely at odds with the content that is presented. These people should be banned from ever presenting again. It's false advertising and a huge waste of my time.

I am sitting down today to write a book proposal. It's only a proposal, so this might not happen. I am giving myself until the end of August next year to have it done, providing that the idea is accepted. I work better under deadlines.

First, though, I have to clear off my desk. If my office is messy, I can accomplish nothing. That means I have to move: a napkin (clean) from the last time I got some Thai food, some paper clips, a receipt or two, Michael Stephens' Who Are the Blog People? survey card (by the way, I am in this picture, but good luck trying to find me - no, I am not the dorky looking guy in the suit), about 1000 Midwest books slips, chopsticks (still wrapped in paper), a pen knife (mostly for opening oranges), old newspapers, an issue of Choice, two draft articles I am working on, publishers' catalogues, a piece of paper with RD533.5 .M35 2002 written on it, a plastic spoon, a cell phone battery, a Palm Pilot, MasterCard bill, about two pounds of paper, a print out from Scotland's People that tells me that my grandfather was illegitimate, coupons for HMV, and a bunch of other junk.

Technorati tags: self portraits, photography, conferences, book

Conference

I will be attending the Ontario Library Association's Annual Super Conference in Toronto for the next three days. I have no idea why they call it a Super Conference. It's not like they host a Terrible Conference during a different part of the year. The conference is good, but I am not so sure that I have ever had a super time listening to sessions on metadata or strategic planning. No, I will not be presenting this year.

I think there's something weird about going to a conference where you live. My preferred conference experience is sleeping in hotels, going out to dinner, seeing new places, and skipping sessions to go shopping in new stores. The Metro Toronto Convention Centre is located in a touristy area, and so it is all over-priced restaurants and stupid stores. Of course, it is a step up from my experience in Houston, where I felt like I was in some sort of prison. We were miles away from anything and, without a car, we had no where to go. It was hell on earth. Boston, on the other hand, rocked. Now that is a cool city.

This is what I wrote about the conference last year.

Technorati Tags: conferences, Ontario Library Association

Christmas Gifts for You

I was planning on giving you all $1 million each, but I didn't win that huge lottery a while back. Too bad for you. And so, this year, I will be making a donation in your name to the Human Fund. Happy Festivus! I know, I gave the same thing last year. Sorry about that.

By the way, the captions on the photo are: "The automotive equivalent of a really hot librarian" and "Good-looking, yet intelligent. Fun, yet sophisticated." Yup, that's me.

Technorati tags: Christmas, Human Fund, Librarians

Librarians, My Fly, & The Diablo Red

After yesterday's post, I feel compelled to mention that I spent the entire day sitting next to a librarian called Marian. I am not joking. I met her two or three years ago. She is quite nice, and not the Marian stereotype at all. However, others in the crowd of 130 were rather Marianish. I still haven't decided what the male equivalent is called. Maybe Marvin or Larry or Harry would do.

On the cycle-in today, I had this unsettling feeling that my crotch was really cold. I blamed the minus 18 degree windchill, but when I arrived, I noticed once again that my fly was down. Hopefully, no damage was done.

I am not (and have never been) a metal head, although I have listened to my share of Iron Maiden and others - mostly from driving around in my cousins' souped up cars and looking for chics. I have to say that I found that embarrassing and never knew what to say to these young ladies. One of my cousins had all of the lines down, like "hey, girls, what's up" and "you wanna beer?" There was usually a cooler full in the back seat. Mercifully, we did not have a Mr. Microphone. Oh, and we struck out every single time, as you might expect.

Speaking of metal, The Diablo Red have a new album out. I know the drummer; I even went to his wedding. So, if this is your thing, check it out. You can listen to samples here.

Technorati Tags: librarians, cycling, The Diablo Red

A Gaggle of Librarians

OK, well, I am not really sure if a group of Librarians is called a gaggle, and even if it is, at what threshold does it become a gaggle and not simply a group? But, if not gaggle, then what? A collection? A classification? A range? A pod? A herd? Who knows?

This is just to say that I am off for a one day meeting with a number of librarians tomorrow (out of blogging range). I am not sure how many librarians will be there. I will know a few of them and others will be new to me. Whenever I attend library conferences or meetings, I invariably reflect on the librarian stereotype. You must have heard about Marian the Librarian. I think that comes from the Music Man, wherein we meet a librarian, Marian Paroo, who is dubbed 'Marian The Librarian'. There is even a song by that title in the film. In fact, here are the lyrics:

Madam Librarian
What can I do, my dear, to catch your ear
I love you madly, madly Madam Librarian...Marian
Heaven help us if the library caught on fire
And the Volunteer Hose Brigademen
Had to whisper the news to Marian...Madam Librarian!
What can I say, my dear, to make it clear
I need you badly, badly, Madam Librarian...Marian
If I stumbled and I busted my what-you-may-call-it
I could lie on your floor
'Till my body had turned to carrion....Madam Librarian.
Now in the moonlight, a man could sing it
In the moonlight
And a fellow would know that his darling
Had heard ev'ry word of his song
With the moonlight helping along.
But when I try in here to tell you, dear
I love you madly, madly, Madam Librarian...Marian
It's a long lost cause I can never win
For the civilized world accepts as unforgivable sin
Any talking out loud with any librarian
Such as Marian.....Madam Librarian

The truth is that I am saddened by the stereotype. It does not serve us well, but I guess I'll have to live with it. It leads people to assume that the writer of this blog is female. It leads others to assume that I am gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). It leads others to assume that I check out books all day and tell people to be quiet. That is the lament of the librarian. The truth is that we have multi-faceted jobs that cannot be summed up neatly in answer to the question "what do you do?" I want to say: let me write a paragraph, and I'll get back to you.

'Tis true: some librarians do have buns and wear wool suits. Some librarians are a walking, talking stereotype, but I don't know any of them personally.

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Peace or Peas (No Gomery)

I thought the patron said "I need an encyclopedia of peace." She did have a strong accent, after all. I was transported back to my undergrad days, to that 4th year political science seminar mysteriously entitled "An Inquiry into the Nature and Meaning of Peace." No, it was not simply the absence of war. I wondered if there was such a thing as an encyclopedia of peace.

It didn't help that the professor wore a silk ascot daily and that his bald pate was normally covered by one of seemingly dozens of berets. The worst thing was his verbosity. I have never heard a man say so much and yet say so little. If anyone could have written an entire encyclopedia on peace, it was this man. It would have been inane and possiblly vacuous, but I believe he could have done it.

I recall that my major paper was a discussion of dystopian literature. How often does one get the opportunity to wax philosophical on English literature in a political science course? I'd say rarely.

On further questioning (in a series of open questions - good librarian that I am) I discovered that she said "I need an encyclopedia of peas." A whole encyclopedia of peas? That can't exist. But, I did find a ten page entry in an encyclopedia of food and nutrition. That did the trick. Another happy student walked away, searching for a photocopier.

Technorati Tags: peas, peace

A Question

What do you think about when you hear or read the word Librarian? Be honest.

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