Michael Jackson: Off the Wall (1979)

I own this record because I found it in a thrift shop for a buck or two. It's worth a bit more than that now. Let's get one thing clear: this is a disco record. I'd really hate to call it soul or funk. I've never been a fan, and I don't particularly like this record, though I will admit that the production is fine.

RIP

Michael Jackson: I never liked your music. I have never owned any of your music and I never will. The Jackson 5 were OK, though. They had some soul. The single glove never bothered me very much, nor did the pajamas. I'd were pajamas in public if I could get away with it, and maybe even a mask. Why not? I was more confused with ever-changing shape of your face, especially your nose. Why the ski jump at the end? I'd go for something a little more subdued if I were in the market for a new nose. More likely, I'd got for a Tycho Brahe kind of nose.

Ed McMahon: Mr. Sidekick, RIP. I never won the Sweepstakes, not that I tried: the damn thing was way too complicated. I am still not sure if you were funny. My gut says no. It also tells me that you fell short of your potential. Hank Kingsley is the man! Oh yeah, Jeffrey Tambor out-Ed-ed you, my friend. I hope you enjoy showing up unexpectedly at people's houses with big cheques in Heaven.

Farrah Fawcett: You will always be Farrah Fawcett-Majors to me. Damn, I was jealous of the Six Million Dollar Man. He had an action-packed TV show, a hot wife, and action figures in his likeness. And then what? The Fall Guy? A failed film career? I have to wonder if things would have been different had you stayed together. I don't blame you though: he's kind of an ugly man, after all.

Overrated, part 6 of 10

(see: parts 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5)

I acquired a few CDs at a lawn sale recently. I am especially enjoying the two Decemberists CDs that I got for essentially no money. What else did I get from that sale? .... oh, a Van Morrison CD, the Concretes, a couple of FemBots discs, a Flaming Lips CD and DVD, for example. There was also some punkier stuff, like Ikara Colt, The Hives, and the Fatal Flying Guilloteens. So, you see I have nothing against harder stuff with electric guitars, well some of it at least, which brings us to number 5 on my top ten list of overrated acts.

5) Guns 'n Roses - When I first heard that Axl Rose was working on Chinese Democracy, I took it literally and thought this was an admirable post-pock thing to do. Why him, I wondered? It makes no sense. I was quickly disabused of my false notion. Chinese Democracy is, in fact, a long-promised new album. I fear the worst for the legions of G 'n R fans awaiting an album that has been in production for 10 years. It will have to be a huge letdown once it finally sees the light of day. The weight of expectation will certainly overwhelm whatever they manage to put out on CD.

I have never appreciated the high-pitched vocals of the heavy metal set. I am aware that the blame for this might lay with Led Zeppelin, a band I have always admired. It may be so. And yet, there are major differences, I think, between Robert Plant's vocals and those of the heavy metal acts that followed. Plant's vocals have a lot of blues in them, at least to my ears, while the vocals of G 'n R sound more like the screeching of someone who really cannot sing.

Apparently, Appetite for Destruction is the second biggest-selling debut album of all time, just behind the first Boston album (no, I am not a Boston fan either, but I like the city very much). Maybe I was listening to the wrong radio station, but it was several years before I finally heard a song from G 'n R. At the time, I was TV-less, and paid no attention to commercial music, like G 'n R, so I missed it all. In hindsight, I am happy to say that I didn't miss anything, except for an interesting wedding gown.

As always, I like to branch out to the web to gather other opinions of acts. The Urban Dictionary is an unlikely place to look for opinions on bands, but in this case, it informs. I provide a few choice excerpts:

1. guns n roses

A REAL rock band. Unfortunately some people listen to a single song and say they suck, but you're wrong.

Over 9.6 million Guns 'n' Roses fans CAN'T be wrong!

Of course, s/he meant to write "they're wrong" so that it agrees with "some people." What I'd like to say to this person is: "500 million Michael Jackson fans can't be wrong! (Thriller has sold over 108 million copies alone). So there!" Of course, I hate Michael Jackson's music.

2. guns n roses

The Best Band Of The 80's, they made me feel so good about myself, before Nirvana came along (gives Nirvana Deathstare). Nirvana made 80's metal look artificial, when really, it was F**KING AWESOME! Axl's a babe! They're all babes!

How can you say Nirvana and metal in the same sentence, dude? But, it does beg the question as to why certain women, and I think they are largely teenagers, fall for long-haired men who wear make-up and skin-tight leather or leopard-skin pants? And that brings us to definition number 9:

9. guns n roses

lame shitty 80's hair metal band
really big among teenyboppers

That's exactly what I am saying. And, on to definition number 11:

11. guns n roses

Worst band of the entire 80's!!!!
And that's saying something because the 80's sucked Satan's balls!!!!!!

Note the number of exclamation points! I wouldn't use such vulgar terms to describe the 80s, and I don't like the image of Satan being all dog-like, but you have to admire the passion in this person's definition. S/he seems to know music.

By the way, Knockin' on Heaven's Door was written by Bob Dylan, in case you G 'n R fans missed it.



See: part 7