Overrated, part 7 of 10

(see: parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6)

I used to have longish hair, believe it or not. Someday, I might even post the photographic evidence. Well, don't bet on that. Recently, I have been giving serious thought to regrowing the flowing locks, maybe all of the way down to my ass. It would cause quite a stir in certain quarters, but that is what I am after: shock and awe, my friends, shock and awe. The youth have it easier when if comes to shock value options. As we age, there is less we can do, so, aside from new eyeglasses (they are on the way), long hair may be my only choice. Oh, and tattoos, but I already have one.

And now, number 4 on my list of overrated musical acts. (note that
I have omitted all Idol winners, as they are a bunch no talent wannabes). And now, number 4...

4) Bon Jovi - I bet you didn't know that Bon Jovi (the group, not Jon Boy) has sold over 120 million albums. If you do the math - like I did - you'll decide to quit your day job, grow your hair (maybe just so you can cut it later), get some plastic surgery (so you will have chiseled Kevin Baconish good looks), surround yourself with songwriters (who can pump out the ballads), plus a group of musicians willing to live under the shadow of your surname. Yep, that's a recipe for success, my friends, a recipe for success. I am getting on this right now.

If there's a good side, and maybe there is a good side to everything, it might be that JBJ doesn't seem to like George Dubya Bush. This is the only good news. The bad news, of course, is JBJ's foray into acting. But, you see what's happening, don't you? It's virtually impossible to discuss Bon Jovi without it becoming a discussion about Jon Bon Jovi. So, I will treat them as the same thing, my friends, the same lame thing.

But, back to the acting. It is refreshing to see people make fun of themselves, so I appreciate this SNL skit:



But, that's all there is to admire, as far as I am concerned. Most of the songs sound the same. Worse is the fact that all Bon Jovi videos look like ads for a satanic hair salon. And the lyrics. Oh, man, check this out:

With an ironclad fist I wake up and
French kiss the morning

Say what? I am all for poetic license, but this stinks.

Have you ever checked out Yahoo! Answers? You can post a question and gets lots of answers. Here's an interesting question, that someone once asked:

Q: Is Bon Jovi gay? i have a shirt that says bon jovi and some people refer to it as the gay...is that true? should i take the shirt back to the store?

(Who knows if the questioner means the band or JBJ. Anyway, on to some answers:)

A: Bon Jovi is not gay his music is but he is not.
A: Are the sleeves cut off?
A: Bon Jovi the man is not gay, just his music

Because I can't resist the Urban Dictionary...

12. Bon Jovi

another name for an erection. It's about time for a new word for erection.

14. Bon Jovi

When you see a girl from behind with tight jeans, long flowing hair, only to find out its a guy from the front. Hey, check out this broad... Oh, shit its a Bon Jovi!!! GROSS

15. bon jovi

A transvestite that has attempted too many times to release a good album, let alone a good song. Is a disgrace to the face of humanity and rock and roll. Sold his/her soul to the devil and owns a shitty Arena Football team that nobody gives a shit about.

16. Bon Jovi

a really gay singer who has no good songs and all his songs sound exactly the same.
did you hear greenday? ya they're just like Bon Jovi.

Finally, confirmation from the Urban Dictionary. And, now I just have to rewrite a bit of one of his songs:

Shot through the heart
And you're to blame
You give New Jersey a bad name

The list will continue on Monday.

See: part 8