Cockroaches

OK, so I just found a cockroach in my office! I put my hand in my drawer to get something, and my hand came out with a cockroach on it. Yikes! I may need to move my office higher in the building. I have lived with these little bastards in two different places, and I hate them. I have a few choice cockroach stories, but I'll leave that for another day. The good news is, the exterminator is coming. That means we will be seeing lots of dead and dying insects, since an infestation was recently discovered in the staff room. I guess they migrated to my office.

On my way to give an instructional session to 25, or so, engineers yesterday, a bird shat on me. I hear that's good luck, but, not on a black shirt. I had to find a bathroom and try to get the shit out, but when there are no paper towels, that is a hard thing to do. That's the trouble with hand dryers. Damn the hand dryers. I hate the noise they make anyway, but they can make your hands nice and toasty.

When I got to the class, I discovered that the TA was missing and, after a few minutes, I realized that he probably had a better offer. So, I had to collect the assignments, introduce myself, and then thank myself. I did a good job, of course.

Happy Friday.

Technorati Tags: cockroaches, roaches, insects, vermin, pests, TAs, teaching

Men's Rooms

Kinda gross: proceed with caution

Since I am on the general topic of Gross, I thought I would discuss the state of men's bathrooms. They are disgusting. I am not talking about the washrooms found in parks and other public gathering places -- I gather those are a no-go zone for most sane men and women. I am talking about men's washrooms is places like bars and restaurants and cinemas and malls and on university campuses.

Many women I have spoken with assure me that female bathrooms in these places are horrible, but, I can't imagine that you will find urine on the toilet seats in a women's bathroom. Please correct me if I am wrong. You see, some men will not lift the seat, perhaps because they feel that if they touch the seat, they will develop an incurable disease or maybe syphilis or herpes or whatever. Instead, they piss on the seat, without a thought for whomever might want to use the toilet after them.

Men leave toilet paper on the floors, draped over the seat (half in the water, half out of the water). Some defecate on the seat and the floor. I have seen feces smeared on the stalls. I have seen paper towels stuffed into the toilet, broken beer bottles on the floor and in urinals.

And, more and more, I have noticed that there are some men who will not turn off the tap. At least he washed his hands, I think, but it took me a while to figure out why these idiots leave the water running. It occurred to me that they do not want to touch the tap, after they have washed their hands, for fear of contacting an incurable disease or maybe syphilis or herpes or whatever. Men are pigs (except me of course).

Technorati Tags: washrooms, men

Farting Redux

I know, I know, I said I would never write another post on farting, but I realize now that I was premature in killing this topic. I recalled today that I once envied my childhood friend, Gordie, because he could fart-on-demand. Conversations with him went something like:

me: "Gordie, fart."
Gordie farts

...later:
me: "Fart Gordie fart."
Gordie farts

...later:
me: "Fart again Gordie."
Gordie farts

I thought it was all fun and games until he came for a sleepover. Anyway, there is some fabulous stuff out there, like:

- Gone with the Wind: More Thoughts on Medieval Farting. A Liberman - Scandinavian Studies, 1996 (pdf). It's interesting and very academic.

- Unabridged Dictionary of Fart Slang

- Urban Dictionary: fart, farting ...

And let's not forget the Flatulence Filter. This ought to win an award for best invention ever. In fact, I plan on giving one to my mother.

OK, so maybe this will be my last farting post.

By the way, I am still looking for answers to my question about librarians (2 posts down). Have a look.

Technorati Tags: farting, flatulence

Professional Farting

My recent guest post on Mister Anchovy about Star Wars led, bizarrely, to a discussion about Lutefish and stinking shark meat. That, naturally -- and given my 14-year-old brain -- made me think of farting, or flatulence for the easily offended.

I was amazed to discover, in my inevitable Google search, an entry at Wikipedia on the Professional Farter. Wow, now here's something I learned about far too late in life. I could have been honing my skills from a much younger age. I can just imagine straining to achieve a B flat or an F major. I suppose chords are out of the question, unless you are in a choir of people with similar skills.

I have never known a Professional Farter, but I'd be happy to nominate a few individuals. I suppose I better not name names.

By the way, if you do a Google search for the phrase "professional farting," you get more that 550 results. Don't believe me? Try it yourself.

I promise never to make another farting post again.

Technorati Tags: flatulence, farting