Overrated, part 8 of 10

(see: parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7)

I thought about including Meatloaf on this list, but I changed my mind. You know, Marvin is a pretty good actor, so I couldn't do it, even though I hate all of his music passionately. I can see through that and understand the attraction. He's like a one man quasi-opera for poor folk, peons, plebeians, and the proletariat. As an youngish boy, I thought that there was something to Paradise by the Dashboard Lights and I related to that. So, the adolescent boy in me kept him off the list. Besides, no one could describe his music as boring, which segues nicely into number 3.

3) The Eagles - Yawn. They remind me of certain words, like:

dull (dŭl)
adj., dull·er, dull·est.

1. Intellectually weak or obtuse; stupid.
2. Lacking responsiveness or alertness; insensitive.
3. Dispirited; depressed.
4. Not brisk or rapid; sluggish: Business is dull.
5. Not having a sharp edge or point; blunt: a dull knife.
6. Not intensely or keenly felt: a dull ache.
7. Arousing no interest or curiosity; boring: a dull play.
8. Not bright or vivid. Used of a color: a dull brown.
9. Cloudy or overcast: a dull sky.
10. Not clear or resonant: a dull thud.

SYNONYMS colorless, drab, humdrum, lackluster, pedestrian, stodgy, uninspired.

bor·ing (bôr'ĭng, bōr'-)
adj.

Uninteresting and tiresome; dull.

SYNONYMS monotonous, tedious, irksome, tiresome, humdrum.

Listening to the Eagles is about as interesting as watching paint dry. Writing about the Eagles is like writing about paint drying. I'd rather listen to white noise; I'd rather write about dandruff. But, I will do my duty and finish this post. Can any musician or group of musicians be more boring than the Eagles? I think not. Nothing comes close. Well, there is Barry Manilow.

When the Eagles broke up in 1980, I just said thank the lord! Thank the lord that we don't have to have any more dreck like The Long Run thrown at us. Just how in hell does a ridiculous song like Heartache Tonight make it to number 1 on the charts? It's only marginally better than I Love a Rainy Night. For some reason, these songs remind me of each other. It's probably the pedestrian melodies and the stupid lyrics, like:

We can beat around the bushes;
we can get down to the bone
We can leave it in the parkin' lot,
but either way, there's gonna be a
heartache tonight, a heartache tonight I know.

Imagine rhyming 'bone' with 'gonna'. It sounds clunky to me.

Apparently, Don Henley once dated Stevie Nicks. Why would anyone date Stevie Nicks? That's reason enough not to like the Eagles. Henley and Nicks even recorded a song together. I decided to listen to Leather and Lace so that I could give you an informed opinion of it. That song is going to give me nightmares. You can listen here, but be careful for it could really inflict some serious damage on your ears. The Tom Petty and Stevie Nicks duet is only marginally better. I have some respect for Tom, and I was really upset when that dud of a song came out.

Hey, I have rewritten the first verse of Desperado:

Dear Eagles, why don't you come to your senses
you're a washed up old band with nothing to say
Oh you're a lost bunch
I know that you've got your reasons
Money and fame that are pleasin' you
You want your pay day

Not bad, huh? I did the last verse too:

Dear Eagles, you need to come to your senses?
Come down from your stages, burn your music
Why don't you go away?, your last album really sucked
It may be rainin', but there's no rainbow above you
It's the best to do thing before you really lose it

I planned to do the whole song, but the tune of Desperado got stuck in my head and it was driving me mad. Is it just me, or was the last part of the preceding sentence also to the tune of Desperado? Maybe I am imagining it. That song is infectious, but not in a good way. It's more like a virulent white plague. Hang on while I put on some good music to flush out the Eagles.... Ah, that's better.

My sister is a big Eagles fan, along with classic bands like Heart, Styx, Trooper, Journey, etc. I once said I didn't like the Eagles and I think she must have thought I meant the Philadelphia Eagles, which was a reasonable enough assumption, I suppose. She wondered aloud, "who doesn't like Hotel California?" Me, that's who. That song is idiotic. I am aware of the band's interpretation of the song, and I guess I can see where they are coming from, but it seems like the quintessential example of a drug-induced song that completely fails to hold my interest, which is strange because I am all for drug-induced music.

This is better:



Hell would have to freeze over before I will ever be an Eagles fan.
I am off now to have my other retinal tear lasered. Later.

See: part 9