Soup Nazi is Here

As I previously mentioned on this blog, the Soup Nazi is here. I took this rather bad picture of the kiosk in the Eaton Centre. They were distributing free samples, but I did not take one, since I would have had to ask tons of questions about the ingredients.

The Spam keeps coming. I have had about 250 spam comments on this blog recently. Unfortunately, this template does not support Blogger's keyword verification, so I really might have to change templates to those boring Blogger ones. In other spam news, I got this bizarre email:

From: jennifer aniston
To: zydecofish@gmail.com
Date: Mar 21, 2006 8:57 PM
Subject: hi honey

Just wanted to make sure you got those anal beads I sent you, those fuckin' couriers can be so nosey.

Love,

J.

Note: My real name is not even Vinnie. I guess this is some sort of Vince Vaughn joke.

Technorati Tags: Soup Nazi, Soup Man, Blogger, spam

Taste the whip, in love not given lightly
Taste the whip, now plead for me

Favourite Albums, #4 (previous entries: The Clash - London Calling, John Cale - Music for a New Society, Beck - Mutations)

Apparently, Brian Eno once said something like: "only about 1,000 people ever bought a Velvet Underground album, but every one of them formed a rock and roll band." This may have been an overstatement, but it speaks to the enormous influence that the VU have had and continue to have on music.

The Velvet Underground & Nico, the first release from John Cale, Lou Reed, Sterling Morrison, Maureen "Moe" Tucker, and Nico, is a fine album. The AllMusic Guide says: "Few rock albums are as important as The Velvet Underground and Nico, and fewer still have lost so little of their power to surprise and intrigue more than 30 years after first hitting the racks."

Cale's droning viola and unusual keyboards, combined with Lou Reed's inventive and provocative lyrics, make the music stand out from most other music. There has really been nothing else quite like it.

Technorati Tags: music, Velvet Underground, Nico, John Cale, Lou Reed

Meetings, Bloody Meetings

Somehow, by some odd turn of events, I have to endure hours of meetings today. Weeks go by with few such events, aside from the weekly - and partially dysfunctional - Council meeting, and then I get stuck with a day just chalk full of group dynamics and opportunities to learn and share with colleagues. I should be grateful, but I know that I will end up with a sore ass. I have thought of taking along my office chair, but that seems like too much work.

Besides, the longer I am away, the less time I have to read email, and I learn so much from email. For example, today I have already learned a great deal about Filipina women:

Sexy Filipina Girls
Why choose a Filipina? Women from the Philippines are noted for their beauty, grace, charm and loyalty. With their sweet nature and shy smiles, Filipina's posses an inner beauty that most men find irresistible. Filipinas are by their nature family-orientated, resourceful and devoted. What's more, English is one of the official languages of the Philippines, so communication is straight forward, and as the majority of Filipinas are Christian, cultural compatibility is easier than some other Asian countries. With the help of our website you can find a filipina in your area

Now you know too.

I have been a bad Blogger, and have failed to visit many of my fav blogs recently. I apologize for that.

Technorati Tags: meetings, my ass, Filipina Girls

Because I Can't Think of Anything Else to Write About Today

- I have 28 cameras.

- I hate Fabricland. I hate everything about it, from just being in the store, to the acres of unappealing fabric. I feel nauseous and weak, especially in that one at Yonge & Bloor in the basement with the low ceilings and bright fluorescent lighting.

- I make tons of typos. In fact, let me just type a coupld of sentences to demionstrate how many typiose I make. It;s beacause I never learned how to tyupe properly in schoo.. I guiess IO figured that I;d never need to know how to type, so I didnlt take the couirse. Thanks heavens for spellc heckers. I think I typs with six fingers and I use the thumbs f rthe space bar, like verybody else. even fater I run evertthing through the spell checker first, I find errors. It's ok to let me know if you see one.

- Here is a picture of my bike.



Technorati Tags: Fabricland, typos, cameras, bicylces

Happy St. Patrick's Day

I planned to post a picture of my lunch every day this week, and always forgot. I forgot again today, so the best I can do is the empty container. You'll have to guess what was in it.

Yes, I am part Irish. My great great grandmother on my mother's side was born in Ireland. She married an Englishman and then they moved to Canada. In last year's St Patrick's Day post, I discussed imperialism and invasion and being oppressed. I really liked that post, but it seems few other people did.

The problem with St. Patrick's Day is green. I do have some green in my wardrobe, but I always make sure that I avoid it on St. Patrick's Day, except for that day in grade 5 when I forgot it was St. Patrick's Day and I wore a green shirt. I'll never forget it. There'll be no green from me on St. Patrick's Day.

What the hell is going on with Blogger? I don't know about you, but it's being very uncooperative. Hey, Jeff's blog is back now. Wait, it was for about 5 seconds. Some Blogger error killed his blog for hours and hours. That's all I have to say today. It's Friday and I am tired.

Technorati Tags: St. Patrick's Day, lunch, Blogger

Dropping the Dialect

A colleague recently told me that she knew I was not from Toronto by the way I spoke. I am not sure if it is the accent or the word choice. Whatever the case, I am aware that people from my part of Ontario speak strangely. I only have to visit my rural relatives to be reminded of that.

It is not uncommon to have a conversation with my dad and hear him say:

"I done steaks on the bar-b-que last night."
"I ete an hour ago and I'm still hungry."
"We haven't ate yet."
"She don't like it."
"We have boughten bread."
"That's as useless as tits on a bull."
"I'll have a double-double"
"Let's go to Kentucky Duck" (That's KFC, or Kentucky Fried Chicken)

Listen to a few sounds files from Ontario here: International Dialects of English Archive - Ontario. They allow people to submit recordings, so maybe I will.

Also, people in my hometown are fond of the expression "fuck the dog" or "fucking the dog," which means slacking off or doing nothing. I am from Buttfuck nowhere, so I am allowed to say that.

Technorati Tags: dialects, rural Ontario, slang

The Price of Cabbage

In 1945, you could buy 2 pounds of cabbage or 2 pounds of carrots for 11 cents, a dozen oranges for 32 cents, and a head of lettuce for 15 cents. Light bulbs were 15 cents each and you could get a tin of Flusho for 21 cents or Sinko for only 25 cents. Now, these are prices I could live with, even though I am only guessing at what Flusho and Sinko were used for.

A colleague recently found stacks of newspapers in his kitchen walls during his renovation. He found two pages from a paper published in my hometown in May 1945. Aside from the shopping deals and endless lists of auction sales, there were two other interesting bits.

The reverend that baptized me - not that it did any good, for I never attended a church service in that church (or any church, until I was an adult, and then only under serious pressure from another person) - was mentioned. He is the man who performed the marriage ceremony at my parents' wedding. I even have photographs of this man.

And then, there is mention of a meeting of the Presbyterian Young People's Society. A certain individual, whom I cannot name, is said to have been presiding. He was the Vice President. Let me just say that this man, a family friend - now thankfully dead, was never brought to justice for years of child molestation. I have good evidence that he and my brother (then about age 13 or 14) were fond of the Princeton Rub, and probably a few other rubs as well. I knew other people who fell victim to this freak too. It's a shame he was never thrown in jail.

Technorati Tags: cabbage, pedophilia, church

Self Portrait #6
(self portrait #5)

One day - I am not sure when - I will post a real photo with no distortion. I promise.

Technorati tags: self portraits, photography

The Paranoid Side Step

Although it really requires an in-person demonstration (no, I will not be demonstrating it), I will attempt to describe the complex manoeuvres of the Paranoid Side Step. Imagine a teenage boy, part way through high school, attending a high school dance in the mid-1980s. No, this is not me. He might be wearing white high top running shoes with laces untied, jeans, and a t-shirt. His hair is long enough to cover the ears, but not so long as to be too hippie-ish. He spends most of the dance hanging out in the shadowy fringes talking to his male friends. When a slow dance comes on, he circles the high school gymnasium looking, but not too obviously, for someone to ask for a slow dance. The song might be Babe or Stairway to Heaven. He may or may not have success. Eye contact might be accomplished and then lost quickly. In 10% of the cases, he may end up in a tight embrace with a girl he knows or does not know. He is unsure if she is taking pity on him.

The bravest of the boys take a turn at fast dancing (the opposite of the slow dance). Well, they are either brave or gay or latently gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). The more macho guys quit the dance floor when the back-to-back slow numbers end. But, in later years, these macho guys realize that if they want to get chicks, they have to dance the way of the ladies. And so, with reluctance, they take to the dance floor and adopt a rather interesting dance style that I call the Paranoid Side Step.

Dance styles come and go, and it is possible that in the high schools of today, the Paranoid Side Step is a thing of the past. But, in my high school days, it was the dance adopted by most guys (except for the gay and the almost gay: they were far too fabulous on their feet).

Perhaps you should try this on your own. Stand with your feet parallel, about ten inches apart. Hold your arms close to your side so as to keep any motion of the upper limbs to a minimum. Wildly flailing arms and any sort of jauntiness could be trouble for the adolescent boy. Now, slowly bring one foot and place it beside the other and then put it back where it was. Do the same with foot number two. Repeat.

As you do this, keep your arms to your side and your head on a slight downward incline. Without turning your head, have a good look around you, just to make sure that no one is actually watching you. To do this, you need to dart your eyes right and then left without moving your head. You don’t want to let on that you care that people are watching you: you just want to give the appearance of nonchalance and that you are only doing this for points with the ladies. Of course, it would be better if you could avoid looking around with those darting eyes that make you look quite paranoid. But, for some reason, you cannot stop looking.

This, ladies and gentleman, is the paranoid side step.

Technorati Tags: dancing, adolescence, paranoid side step, 1980s

Keyword Mayhem, Part 4

I love reviewing the keywords that people use to find this site. Here are a few recent ones:

1) hairy breasts
2) zydeco font
3) girls in diapers
4) can 2 tamagotchis with same sex marry
5) FARTING POST
6) Banana eating contest
7) true poop stories
8) upturned handlebars drunk
9) percentage of people who pee in the shower
10) date your cousin
11) an explosion between the legs
12) her soles
13) SURFING MICE
14) snoopisms
15) lyrics to franklin the turtle theme song
16) canadian tire "start with you"
17) canadian tire RADIO JINGLE DOWNLOAD "I'LL START WITH YOU"
18) Canadian Tire tv commercial jingle mp3
19) elliott moose song
20) tv show elliot moose theme song lyrics

Weird.

Technorati Tags: keywords, web searching

I am Stressed, Man, Very Very Stressed

For those of you that missed this, and I assume that is everyone, a new study says that librarians suffer more stress than firefighters, police officers, train operators, and teachers. Say what?

How could my job be more stressful than firefighters who may, at any time, be asked to pull people from burning buildings? How could being a librarian be more stressful than a police officer, who may be fired upon by all sorts of nasty criminals? This makes no sense to me. There is very little stress in my job. In fact, I rather enjoy my job. There is essentially no supervision and I have complete academic freedom. What's stressful about that?

Alright, I have to go upstairs now and try to teach some research skills to a few undergrads. It promises to be very very stressful.

Technorati Tags: librarians, stress

I Have to Ask Myself

Were my parents on drugs? Why else would they choose a tree that looks like this monstrosity? I remember the day we got this tree very well. I scratched my head then, and I scratch it now. It makes no sense. I know it wasn't the last tree on the lot. Why they didn't prune the bastard, I have no idea.

I'd like to know if there is some sort of rate-my-Christmas tree website, 'cause this would surely win in the ugly category.

I have decided that I either have to stop looking at old photos, or come to terms with the fact that my family is full of weirdos.

By the way, the cage at the upper left was home to the two dead budgies.

I'll pass on the opportunity to comment on the interior decorating.

Technorati Tags: Christmas, Christmas trees, family

I am not an Artist, but I Pretend to be one in the Blogosphere

Yeah, I painted that.

(By the way, I did post another painting last year)

In other news, I am thinking about changing my template again. I am kinda tired of this one and far too many other people are using it. I may go for all black. Too bad I am too lazy to make my own.

I did another one of those tests, and now I know I am going to die at age 84. Fortunately, that's a very long way away. My grandmother is 86 and still very much alive, so I am holding out hope that I will live past 84. I have a lot to do, like gain advanced degrees in astrophysics and neurology, write a novel, and go into space.



Technorati Tags: paintings, art, templates, death

I'm a Nerd, sort of, and a Dream



I suppose it could have been worse.

In other news, I had a dream about Doris, the blogger behind Diary of a Pissed-Off Asian Woman. I have never met her. In fact, there are only two bloggers on my Blogroll that I know in "real life." In my dream, she showed up at my place of work and gave a speech. The funny thing is that she was neither Asian nor pissed-off. In fact, I would have described her as a Happy Irish Woman.

So, I dashed off to the Dream Moods, an interesting dream interpretation site I learned about from Super Happy Jen. I discovered this:

To hear a speech in your dream, suggests that your inner feelings are being made conscious to those around you. Consider what is said in the speech. If you hear a politician give a speech, then it represents egotism and deceit.

Hmm, I am not so sure. I can't remember what was said in the speech. I tried other dream concepts with no luck, except for:

To see a group of women talking in your dream, refers to some gossip.

There was only one woman talking in my dream, but I have to say that this seems sexist to me. And, finally:

To see a chalkboard, represents the classroom and the difficulties you may have experienced in school. There is a lesson to be learned from this dream. You may feel that you are being put to the test. Consider what is being written on the chalkboard. Alternatively, it signifies your debts.

There was nothing written on the chalkboard. The good news is that I can now interpret that dream in which I was smoking a cigar.

To see or dream that you are smoking a cigar, represents luxury and a relaxed state of mind. You are in control of your own emotions and passions. According to Freud, a cigar is a phallic symbol and is representative of masculinity and raw energy. This dream symbol may also serve as a symbol for someone you know who smokes cigars.

Technorati Tags: nerds, dreams

Winter Olympics & Gender, etc.

Did you know that there are two winter Olympics events that women cannot compete in? They are ski jumping and Nordic combined (ski jumping and x-country skiing). What's up with that? This seems very unfair to me. And, here's another thing that's unfair. I think that there ought to be same sex couples in pairs and ice dancing. That would be fascinating.

There are signs that I have been spending too much time watching the Winter Olympics:

1) I think Jeffrey Buttle's parents made a big mistake when they named him: I kept hearing Jeff Rebuttal

2) I think that part of the scoring for figure skating should be based on the costume. If this were instituted, Stephane Lambiel would never have won the silver medal. He would have placed last for his costume offenses

3) Points should be awarded for truly spectacular falls in figure skating. If you slide head first in to the boards, break a limb, or draw blood, you should get some benefit in the technical components

4) Some summer events should be modified for the winter games. For example, I'd like to see the 100 metre dash run on ice, winter triathlon, and maybe soccer in the snow.

Technorati Tags: winter olympics, olympics

And the Answer is...

Running42K just sent me an email and guilted me into getting back to my blog, which I have been ignoring. I have no good excuses, really.

OK, I confess: I really don't know when that picture of me was taken, beyond it being December of some year when I was a child. So, everyone who guessed December sometime in the 1970s, you win! Good going. Too bad for you that the prize was only useless points. But, if I ever win the lottery, I'll convert that to dollars (Canadian ones).

In other news, I am distressed to say that I have to cycle past Fonzie's cheesy grin every day on my way to work. It is in a TTC bus shelter on Wellesley Street. You may remember that I met the Fonz once, when I thought the concept of The Fonz was cool.

In later years, I have come to realize that the idea of The Fonz in idiotic. How did Happy Days get away with it for so long? I don't like Fonzie. Fonzie sucks.

Technorati Tags: Happy Days, The Fonz

This is Me

At last, I am posting an undistorted picture of me. All of the others have been seriously manipulated or generally out-of-focus. Those days are gone. I am ushering in a new period of openness and sharing.

The only thing missing is my real name. Oh, and when this was taken. But, I will entertain guesses. Let's see, I'll award 100 points to the person who gets the year right, 30 points for the correct decade, and a measly 10 points if you can guess the month.

Don't I look happy? Oh, I am the one receiving the gift, not the fat guy with the beard.

Technorati Tags: Christmas, photography, Zydeco Fish

I'm a Twit!

So says Miriam-the-Librarian in this post. She objected to my post about the recent Canadian election. I always knew I was a twit, but I am happy to have the confirmation.

Technorati Tags: twits

A Late Apology (and a Thank You) to my High School Librarian

Dear Specky (aka Radar Bob, Sonar Bob),

I am sorry that I made fun of you behind your back in high school. Yes, we called you Specky, because of your geek glasses, and Radar Bob, after the library installed security gates. The truth is, I now realize that you were so cool. You wore those heavy plastic geeky glasses long before anyone had ever heard the names Drew Carey or Cory Doctorow. And your short pants, hovering above the ankles, allowed everyone to see your stylish brown leather shoes. They were so worn in, they must have been very comfortable. I also liked your plastic pocket protector. Ink would have ruined those expensive white shirts with those long tails puffing out of the back of your pants.

Was that really Brylcreem in your hair? I thought the wet head was dead, but you said otherwise. Ah, defiance rules.

Thanks for teaching my how to search for articles in magazines and journals. I am still amazed when I encounter 4th years students who do not understand the difference between a peer-reviewed journal and a web page. Hell, they can't even distinguish a book from an article. You may have looked funny but I think you knew what you were doing.

I always wonder why you decided to become a librarian. In High School, I thought that Librarianship was one of those professions of last resort, like the lunch lady and the custodian. I have changed my mind. I need some new clothes. I think I'll head off to the Salvation Army Thrift Store for some pants that are too short, a pair of well worn shoes, and then to the closest drug store for some wet hair product.

Technorati Tags: librarians, high school

Self Portrait #5
(Self Portrait #4)

I survived the Conference. It was good and bad. You know, I really hate it when the abstract in the programme is completely at odds with the content that is presented. These people should be banned from ever presenting again. It's false advertising and a huge waste of my time.

I am sitting down today to write a book proposal. It's only a proposal, so this might not happen. I am giving myself until the end of August next year to have it done, providing that the idea is accepted. I work better under deadlines.

First, though, I have to clear off my desk. If my office is messy, I can accomplish nothing. That means I have to move: a napkin (clean) from the last time I got some Thai food, some paper clips, a receipt or two, Michael Stephens' Who Are the Blog People? survey card (by the way, I am in this picture, but good luck trying to find me - no, I am not the dorky looking guy in the suit), about 1000 Midwest books slips, chopsticks (still wrapped in paper), a pen knife (mostly for opening oranges), old newspapers, an issue of Choice, two draft articles I am working on, publishers' catalogues, a piece of paper with RD533.5 .M35 2002 written on it, a plastic spoon, a cell phone battery, a Palm Pilot, MasterCard bill, about two pounds of paper, a print out from Scotland's People that tells me that my grandfather was illegitimate, coupons for HMV, and a bunch of other junk.

Technorati tags: self portraits, photography, conferences, book