Prison Sex

Following on from yesterday's story about a man who had 86 wives -- I have no idea how he could possibly manage to keep them all happy -- I read about a recent survey in Australia regarding sex among inmates. First, the good news. Only 6% of men reported that they had sexual contact in prison, and 5% of that was consensual. This is a relief. I won't be so worried if I ever get sent to jail. Of course, Canada is not Australia.

Now, the more interesting news. 36% of women said that they were having prison sex. The lead researcher, Juliet Richters, added, "which really is quite a lot of sex." It sounds like it to me. Could it be that women are more naturally inclined to bisexuality?

Feel free to read the full article.

Tool is not everyone's cup of tea, but this video (for Prison Sex) is fascinating. It's kind of a nightmare.

Oh help!" gaped Peter, "It's Mr. McGregor!"

I appreciate those who find sexual innuendo in everyday things.

My Father & the Double Entendre

At the risk of making my family appear even weirder, I offer a few comments about my dad. In case you missed it, you can review some prior family posts, like Portrait of my Brother as a Young Man, Portrait of my Other Brother as a Young Man, 100 Words About my Mother, Fatherly Advice, or Lessons from my Sister.

Whenever my father put something in the oven, he said "whip it in, whip it out, wipe it off, and worry." As a young boy, I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. Then, at around age ten, I figured it out. It was a eureka moment, much like the time my mother said, while chewing on a steak bone, "the closer the bone the sweeter the meat." My sister blushed and my brother cleared his throat, but my dad gave a hearty laugh. No one expected me to get it, but I did.

Somehow, my father managed to be the captain of the double entendre. He could turn the most innocuous statement into something sexual. At times, it was like having a 14 year old boy as a father. It didn't matter what the subject was: wallpaper, middle east politics, brain surgery, long division. Of course, there were numerous topics that lent themselves well to that manipulation, like anything to do with oiling or greasing or anything long and hard or anything with an opening.

The most irritating thing is that I am sure he felt that I missed all of the references, and so he kept it up (see, there's one right there). Laughing didn't dissuade him either, because I got the feeling that he really didn't believe that I understood the joke.

He's turning 73 this year, and I heard him say that he wasn't ready to hang up his saddle just yet. I didn't even know he had a horse.

Technorati Tags: father, family history

DeLillo, DeLillo, DeLillo, and some other things

I wrote, in a previous post, that "Don DeLillo is, without question, the greatest living novelist." I am not really sure if that is true, but I can say that he is in my personal top 5. This was confirmed for me again after reading Cosmopolis, although I will say that I have enjoyed some of his other books better. His masterpiece, White Noise, is so complex that it is like reading an encrypted sociological treatise. Underworld is simply a novel about everything, a novel so completely formed that the first thing I wanted to do when I finished it was read it again. It is long, dense, and fascinating.

The trouble is, it is difficult to move on. After DeLillo, many novels seem anemic. I am hoping that David Mitchell's Cloud Atlas will not pale too much in comparison.

Fractured penis?

I thought it was all muscle. A man lost a court case against his ex-girlfriend when she fractured his penis during sex. Seriously, You can read about it here.

May 18th

Today is International day of the internet and International day of Museums, and Visit Your Relatives Day. Just thought you'd like to know.

Technorati Tags: Don DeLillo, Cosmopolis, reading, penis

Am I really this out-of-touch? and Sex Blogs

Pitchfork Media has released it's list of top 100 albums from 2000 to 2004. How can it be that I have only 4!? They are:

#041: Godspeed You Black Emperor! - Lift Yr Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven
[Kranky; 2000]

#039: Radiohead - Hail to the Thief
[Capitol; 2003]

#021: Radiohead - Amnesiac
[Capitol; 2001]

#001: Radiohead - Kid A
[Capitol; 2000]

I am trying to decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I have so few of the top 100. Any ideas? At least I have the #1 album. Of course, I have issues with some of the items overlooked, but that's another story.

The good news is that I have none of these albums from the Museum of Bad Album Covers (although my dad has a couple).

Sex!

I stumbled upon Eros Blog the other day. In addition to the link to I Am a Library Girl and Naked Librarians (which I had seen before), there is a lot of interesting stuff here. Maybe I shouldn't say too much else. Go there, if you like. Note that there is nudity and adult situations. Viewer discretion is advised.

Technorati tags: music, sex blogs

Clearly, no one cares about Star Trek. Or, at least, that is what someone just told me. So, move on, I must.

Somehow, I ended up in a conversation about underwear today. And, it reminded me of a story I read earlier today. Virginia (the state, not the girl) has passed a law that authorizes fines for anyone wearing droopy pants. If your underwear is showing, you can get a $50 fine. This begs lots of questions, but mostly, I have to wonder why the United States is so puritanical? My second question is: are they targeting teenagers or plumbers? If plumbers, then I am with them. If teenagers, then I am opposed. We don't need to alienate the youth more than they already are.

And, get this: an Oklahoma judge has been forced to retire after he was found masturbating on the bench during proceedings. Evidently, he was using some sort of penis pump (on many occasions), which made a whooshing sound. Charges are pending. OK, so I know that legal types are weird and probably under-sexed, but can court really be that exciting? I have served as a juror, and let me tell you that I found the environment to be less than stimulating. Maybe that was it: maybe he was just bored.

Technorati tags: underwear, Virginia, masturbation

What will they think of next?

The Ins and Outs of Teledildonics.

Tags: sex toys

The Sponge

Continuing my recent theme of sexually-oriented messages...

I remember when I was in grade nine health class (part of phys ed). Notice that I did not say how long ago that was. The teacher asked the students to give him examples of contraceptive methods. Suggestions were offered from the class: the pill, condoms, IUD, rhythm method, coitus interruptus, diaphragm, etc. I offered, "the sponge." My teacher insulted me. He said, very sarcastically: "what does she do with it, put it between her knees?" The whole class burst into laughter. I knew that here was a contraceptive sponge, but no one else was aware. It was embarrassing. Now, we have the term spongeworthy, thanks to Seinfeld - yet another TV reference). Clearly, my teacher was never spongeworthy, unlike me.

Tags: contraceptives, sponge

I was thinking about Kinsey (the movie, starring Liam Neeson) recently. It is playing at the Toronto International Film Festival. I haven't seen it, but I was thinking about the propaganda war that continues to be waged against Kinsey and his findings. Charles Rice of Notre Dame has stated that Kinsey's research was "contrived and ideologically-driven." Dr. Laura has called it an "assault on our children's innocence." Dr. Judith Reisman is, perhaps, the leading critic of Kinsey. Anyway, this is by way of saying that I want to start a think tank.

There are hundreds of these, and most are fronts and public relations exercises. The Fraser Institute springs to mind. I am sure that this organization believes that it is independent, but the truth is that it blatantly supports a conservative agenda. Its recent report advocating the decriminalization of marijuana might seem liberal, but in fact, it supports the conservative ideology of small government. And, speaking of that, the government should just get on with decriminalizing pot. Making criminals out of tokers is ludicrous.

So, anyway, I want to create my own think tank. I just need to invite a group of like-minded individuals (bohemians, poets, and the sort) and we could publish periodic reports on important issues. For example, I am anxious to release my opinions (in the form of a carefully crafted policy suggestion) on public nudity and arms sales.

Tags: Kinsey

Reality TV, Churches, and Sex Toys

At the risk of portraying myself as some sort of reality TV junkie, I will mention that I am looking forward to the next edition of Survivor. It is one of two reality shows that I watch, the other being the much maligned and justifiably vilified Canadian Idol. Not that I have seen every episode, mind you. It is far too painful. As I have said before, the early shows are more interesting than the later ones. After a few episodes, it suddenly begins to take itself much too seriously. Someday, people will understand that this was really a comedy show.

Why are so many of the churches in downtown Toronto locked? Last year, I was on a photographic expedition and was amazed to have been confronted with so many locked doors (heavy, imposing wooden doors). More recently, I continue to notice that they are, more often than not, locked tight. Why, just today, a friend and I tried to go in (not for praying purposes, mind you - I am very anti-religious), and the doors were locked. We experienced the same thing a while back too. I thought that churches were places of refuge. What if we had been seeking asylum? Our quest for sanctuary would have died. Who can help me get the doors opened?

Why is it that male sex toys are so ridiculous? In contrast, vibrators are culturally important. They are a sociological phenomenon. It seems that many women are comfortable with others knowing that they own a vibrator. No one seems to care. It is almost expected. And, there is a good deal of time and energy devoted to teaching woman and their partners how to use them. Good For Her is a good example. They have a course called Women's Sex Toys 101. No one would be surprised to learn that there is no corresponding course for men.

Is it because women's toys can be shared? What I mean is that men enjoy helping a woman use her vibrator. Can you image a man asking to include his toys in the love-making? I think inflatable dolls and rubber vulvas aren't really that interesting or fun for the woman. I can't imagine that they would be much fun for me either, not that I know, since I have no experience in that area. I am not suggesting that someone improve sex toys for men. I am suggesting that they are kinda dumb. But, who am I to say; they are probably lots of men who are thankful for that rubber doll.

Suddenly, I am reminded of two songs: Be My Girl Sally (The Police) and Rubber Girl (The Pukka Orchestra).

So that was a weird entry.

Tags: reality TV, churches, Toronto, sex toys

Texas and Sex Toys

This is hilarious. A Texan mother was recently charged with obscenity after selling a vibrator to her customers and explaining how to use it. It is legal in Texas to sell sex toys, as long as they are described as novelties. If instructions are provided, it is a criminal offense! The woman had faced up to a year in jail after she sold a vibrator at a private party to two undercover police officers posing as a married couple. Clearly, Texas police have nothing to do. The charges were eventually dropped because the country attorney felt that the case was a waste of resources.

Geroge W. Bush was Governor of Texas, so that explains a lot.

Tags: sex toys, Texas, George Bush