Truck Nuts!

This is hilarious and partly weird, but I have to tell you about it, just in case you missed it. For some reason, a company called Truck Nuts is marketing nuts for your truck. They seem to also be called Bumper Nuts. You have to visit Truck Nuts for a visual. If the welcome image isn't enough for you, feel free to check out not one, but two galleries. Prices range from $24.95 to $45.00 for the brass ones. For only $22.00 more, you get a nut hanger, which doubles as a lock.

Of course, all of this is not without some fallout. Last year, Maryland Del. LeRoy E. Myers Jr. declared that he wanted to ban them. According to the Washington Post:

His bill would prohibit motorists from displaying anything resembling or depicting "anatomically correct" or "less than completely and opaquely covered" human or animal genitals, human buttocks or female breasts. The offense would carry a penalty.

Today, I learned that a Chesapeake lawmaker (Lionell Spruill) introduced a bill to ban them, but he has yet to find a co-sponsor.

I have two comments:

1) I am not sure I would hang them on my vehicle, but, I have to wonder what happened to these dudes' senses of humour. Are they going to try to ban male dogs next because one might get a glimpse of their testicles?

2) And, most importantly, why didn't I come up with the idea for Truck Nuts?

By the way, I am not in the library today. I am AWOL.

On Giants

While leafing through The Book of Days: Oddities and Curiosities in the 365 Days of the Calendar, by Elizabeth and Gerald Donaldson (New York: A&W Publishers, 1979), I came across this statement for January 11th:

A human-like skeleton was found in 1613 entombed eighteen feet below the surface of a spot later called the Giant's Field in France. It measured twenty-five and one-half feet long and ten feet wide at the shoulders.

I wanted to believe this was true, so I did a quick web search and found a similar story, posted on Futility Closet:

January 11, 1613, some masons digging near the ruins of a castle in Dauphiné, in a field which (by tradition) had long been called the giant's field, at the depth of eighteen feet discovered a brick tomb thirty feet long, twelve feet wide, and eight feet high, on which was a gray stone, with the words Theutobochus Rex cut thereon; when the tomb was opened, they found a human skeleton entire, twenty-five feet and a half long, ten feet wide across the shoulders, and five feet deep from the breast-bone to the back, his teeth were each about the size of an ox's foot, and his shin bone measured four feet.

– Kirby's Wonderful and Scientific Museum, 1803

And then, I found this, from Anomalies and Curiosities of Medicine (by George M. Gould and Walter L. Pyle):

Near Mezarino in Sicily in 1516 there was found the skeleton of a giant whose height was at least 30 feet; his head was the size of a hogshead, and each tooth weighed 5 ounces; and in 1548 and in 1550 there were others found of the height of 30 feet.

There are other stories too of huge skeletons, lending credence to stories of Bigfeet or giants. Gould and Walter suggest, as others do, that the remains were misidentified and were probably mastodons or elephants, and possibly whales. What disappointment. I really wanted to believe this :-(

I guess this all makes sense when you consider that dinosaurs weren't really "discovered" until the 1840s, though fossils had been found before that. Humans from hundreds of years ago must really have wondered what animal these giants bones were from and, of course, they probably assumed a human-like being.

I like the idea that giants once roamed around, but I guess that didn't happen. Happy January 11th.

Scissors

Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors.

It's Friday

... and I have a cold. Another cold. I am cold man. I just keep getting colds. It sucks. Because I have a cold, I have very little to say. I'll just report on some news. Super Happy Jen had a baby. Photos are here. He's cute.

From CNN: "In parts of China, black ants are sold by the bagful to be steeped in tea or soaked in liquor as a natural remedy for ailments such as arthritis." I can tell you which option I would choose, if someone held a gun to my head, that is. Who would want to drink anything that contained ants. It makes no sense at all. Someone please explain this to me.

Have a happy Friday. I'd like to take a nap, but I can't.

Technorati Tags: colds, ants, China

The Boston Molasses Disaster and other Curiosities

In 1919, a tank in a candy factory in Boston exploded, sending a large wave of molasses down the street. By the time the sticky tidal wave subsided, 21 people were dead.

In 1850, President Zachary Taylor died following five days of indigestion after gorging himself on cherries and iced milk.

A mine fire has been burning beneath Centralia, Pennsylvania since 1962.

Fucking, Austria got it's name in 1070, from a chap named Focko.

Year 10,000 problem. Y2K in is the past. We can look forward to this.

Chrysippus, a Greek philosopher, apparently died of laughter while observing a drunk donkey attempting to eat figs.

The Emerald Cockroach Wasp stings a cockroach twice to slow it down and to disable its escape reflex. It then mounts the roach and "drives" it to a secure place using the roach's antennae, where it lays an egg in the roach. The larva eats the roach from inside out.

Technorati Tags: curiosities

Adult Diapers Sales in China are up, way up

In that meme a couple of posts back, I listed diapers under the category "five things you would never wear again. " Good thing I don't live in China. It turns out that, next to food and firecrackers, the most popular commodity being purchased during the holiday season is adult diapers!

Apparently, many people have to travel such long distances in overcrowded trains, where even the bathrooms are jammed with people, that they feel they need an alternative to a bathroom. Added to that is the fact that people are forced to wait in queues for hours to purchase tickets. So, some people have decided to buy adult diapers rather than loose their place in line or struggle through a crowded train to do #2 in front of strangers. Given the choice of soiling myself or doing my business in front of crowd, I'd choose the latter.

Who knows, this could lead to the spreading of infantilism throughout China.

I'd still like to visit China, but only if I never have to take the train.

Technorati Tags: China, adult diapers

Marlene Dietrich, Microcephalic Ancestors, & Other Fascinating Tidbits

I was sitting at my desk, listening to the music in my head -- which was Marlene Dietrich's Favourite Poem, by Peter Murphy (see below) -- when I saw this news story: Marlene Dietrich "hated sex": daughter. Is is possible? At least I didn't misread the headline, as I did for this one on MSNBC a couple of days ago: instead of "Liberians head to polls", I thought it said "Librarians head to polls." Now, the second story is far more interesting, if you ask me.

However, my favourite recent news story has to be about those Hobbit-like bones that were found in Indonesia. Imagine, a skull the size of a grapefruit with no chin, and yet these freaky guys could make and use tools. They even hunted pygmy elephants! What a sight that would have been. Of course, there is some controversy over the interpretation of the fossils. Some would have you believe that these hominids were some sort of inbred pygmy-like mutation. I have to confess that when I heard the term "microcephalic hominid", I immediately thought of Dan Quayle and George W. Bush. I know, some people reading this might admire these chaps. I'm just sharing word-associations with you.

Marlene Dietrich's Favourite Poem

My mother loved it so she said
Sad eyed pearl and drop lips
Glancing pierce through writer man
Spoke hushed and frailing hips
Her old eyes skim in creasing lids
A tear falls as she describes
Approaching death with a yearning heart
With pride and no despise

Hot tears flow as she recounts
Her favourite worded token
Forgive me please for hurting so
Don't go away heartbroken no
Don't go away heartbroken no

Just wise owl tones no velvet lies
Crush her velvet call
Oh Marlene suffer all the fools
Who write you on the wall
And hold your tongue about your life
Or dead hands will change the plot
Will make your loving sound like snakes
Like you were never hot

Hot tears flow as she recounts
Her favourite worded token
Forgive me please for hurting so

My mother loved it so she said
Sad eyed pearl and drop lips yeah
Glancing pierce through writer man
Spoke hushed and frailing lips yeah
Old eyes skim in creasing lids
A tear falls as she describes
Approaching death with a yearning heart
With pride and no despise

Hot tears flow as she recounts
Her favourite worded token
Forgive me please for hurting so

Technorati Tags: Marlene Dietrich, Peter Murphy, Homo Florensiensis

Happy Monday

Happy Monday October 3rd. For those of you who are out-of-the-loop, October 3rd in Virus Appreciation Day. I am not sure if that refers to computer viruses or the traditional variety. Either way, there is little to appreciate, if you ask me. By the way, October 2nd was name your car day. I've had 4 cars and never named any of them, but I swore at one of them a great deal. Oh, and if I forget to mark the occasion, please remember that October 9th is Moldy Cheese Day. Is one supposed to eat moldy cheese or appreciate its aesthetic appeal on that day?

In other news, I am not Impressed:

A British rower has just set a record for the slowest Atlantic crossing. It took him 124 days. The poor bastard was trying to claim the record for the fastest rowing crossing and ended up in the record books for the slowest. I'm not impressed. I am sure that I could beat that by many weeks, possibly months.

OK, I admit that I would like to take a trip to the International Space Station, but not if it's going to cost me $20 million. Gregory Olsen coughed up $20 million to ride on a rocket. I am not impressed with that either. I feel that there are far more interesting ways to spend that kind of cash. Send me $20 million, and Ill show you.

Technorati Tags: viruses, rowing, space tourism

You Wanna Date Your Cousin?

So, I was walking down some street in Toronto the other day. I am not sure which street, but that doesn't really matter. Wait, I think it was Bloor Street but it could have been Yonge Street. Anyway, my eye was drawn to an advertisement on the side of a garbage can or newspaper box or telephone pole or some other bit of urban clutter, and, there was a poster for a service called Kindred Connections. I'd never seen an advertisement for a genealogical service on the streets.

Boy, was I wrong. There is a company called Kindred Konnections that is all about researching your ancestors. However, this one is Kindred Connections with a C. It's a dating service! How bizarre! I thought, who would want to date one's own kin?

This company clearly did not look up the word kindred in the dictionary. Or, maybe they really think that there are people who want to hook up with their cousins, sisters, brothers, aunts or uncles. I nominate this as the most ill-chosen company name in recent memory.

So, lets check the dictionary. From Answers.com, we have:

kin·dred (kĭn'drĭd)
n.

1. A group of related persons, as a clan or tribe.
2. (used with a pl. verb) A person's relatives; kinfolk.

adj.

1. Of the same ancestry or family: kindred clans.
2. Having a similar or related origin, nature, or character: kindred emotions.

And, from Mirriam Webster:

Main Entry: ¹kin·dred
Pronunciation: 'kin-dr&d
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from kin + Old English r[AE]den condition, from r[AE]dan to advise, read
1 a : a group of related individuals b : one's relatives
2 : family relationship : KINSHIP

In other words, join Kindred Connections and date your cousin.

Technorati Tags: Kindred Connections, dating, language

Surfing Mice: My Favourite News Story of the Day

A dude in Oz is training three mice, " Harry, Chopsticks and Bunsen, to surf small waves on tiny mouse-size surf boards at beaches on the country's Gold Coast." This pleases me immensely, but I have no idea why. Even better would be surfing kangaroos or koalas or any type of marsupial.

In other news, I am Worf. In truth, I am either George Costanza or Chandler Bing. But, this is a sci-fi/fantasy test and so I really should have been Data.

Technorati Tags: bizarre news, mice, surfing, tests

Wal-Mart, Pick-up Joint No More

After only one month, the Wal-Mart in Roanoke, Virginia has cancelled it's Friday singles shopping night. Single shoppers displayed a red bow on their carts to let other shoppers know that they were available.

As well, "flirt points" were set up in the store. I wonder if there were flirt points by the condoms?

I am not going to make any jokes about Wal-Mart customers. And, I have no answer to one Virginia shopper's question: "Where can someone over 40 who doesn't smoke or drink or go to bars meet someone?" In Virginia? I have no idea.

I am not sure that Wal-mart was the best retailer for such an experiment. I would say that a reasonably upscale grocery store would be a better choice or maybe even a Laundromat or possibly a public library. Who knows?

Technorati Tags: Wal-Mart, dating

Tom Cruise is Nuts, and here's the website to prove it. If you like that, be sure to visit FreeKatie.net.

I can't explain it, but just as I was writing that, I had this thought:

I feel sorry for any bird saddled with the words "lesser" of "common," like the Lesser Antillean Flycatcher, the Lesser Flamingo, the Lesser Bird-of-Paradise, the Common Bristlebill or the Common Gull. How drab and boring for them.

Technorati Tags: Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, birds

DeLillo, DeLillo, DeLillo, and some other things

I wrote, in a previous post, that "Don DeLillo is, without question, the greatest living novelist." I am not really sure if that is true, but I can say that he is in my personal top 5. This was confirmed for me again after reading Cosmopolis, although I will say that I have enjoyed some of his other books better. His masterpiece, White Noise, is so complex that it is like reading an encrypted sociological treatise. Underworld is simply a novel about everything, a novel so completely formed that the first thing I wanted to do when I finished it was read it again. It is long, dense, and fascinating.

The trouble is, it is difficult to move on. After DeLillo, many novels seem anemic. I am hoping that David Mitchell's Cloud Atlas will not pale too much in comparison.

Fractured penis?

I thought it was all muscle. A man lost a court case against his ex-girlfriend when she fractured his penis during sex. Seriously, You can read about it here.

May 18th

Today is International day of the internet and International day of Museums, and Visit Your Relatives Day. Just thought you'd like to know.

Technorati Tags: Don DeLillo, Cosmopolis, reading, penis

More on Zombies & A Dream

Zombies

BBC News has reported that there has been a small outbreak of 'zombism' near the border of Laos in North-Eastern Cambodia that is caused by a new strain of malaria that has a 100% mortality rate. The report goes on to say:

"After death, this parasite is able to restart the heart of its victim for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person where the individual behaves in extremely violent ways from what is believed to be a combination of brain damage and a chemical released into blood during 'resurrection.'"

Wow. It's a good thing that I posted something about Zombies yesterday. I know what to do now.

A Dream

In other news, I had a very strange dream. I am reluctant to post any more dreams here, for fear that someone may be secretly psychoanalyzing me. If you are secretly psychoanalyzing me, please send me a full report on what you have found.

I have to report this dream because it is by far the most disturbing dream I have ever had. Continue reading only if you think you can handle the shocking details. I dreamt that I won tickets to Cavalia. The alarming part is that I accepted the tickets. In reality, I would have laughed at the idea. One would have to pay me very large sums of money to sit through that &^%$. Even more horrible is the fact that when I went to the show, I discovered that it was 35 hours long! I had to endure 35 hours of Cavalia! That's a whole work week. Thankfully, I woke up at that point.

I wonder what it means.

Technorati Tags: zombies, zombism, Cambodia, dreams, Cavalia

A Mixture of Things

One)

It was one of those meetings where the question "where do you see yourself in ten years" came up. I wanted to say that I hoped to win a lottery and that I would be indulging my materialistic and hedonistic fantasies in several parts of the globe. You know: cars, houses, condos, toys, devices, useless things, objets d'art, travel, wine & chocolate for breakfast, wearing a silk dressing gown all day, a maid & butler service, a chauffeur, a live-in masseuse, parrots, things made of precious metals, jacuzzis, did I mention electronic thingys?, video phones, bean bag chairs, a pear tree, and cherries any time I want.

Instead, I gave a vague answer. "Oh, I don't really know. I'm just trying to do the best job I can in my current job." It seems I'm on someone's list as a candidate for a job no one wants.

Two)

This reminds me of Star Wars (for some reason). Qatar is replacing boy camel jockeys with robots. Yes, you read that right. In all seriousness, these child jockeys are really slaves. So, instead of using small willing people, Qatar did the obvious thing: they switched to robots. All riders will be robots by 2007.

Three)

Believe it or not, April 20th is Look Alike Day. (Yesterday was garlic day; tomorrow is kindergarten day). I'm looking forward to Friday, 'cause it's National Jelly Bean Day. Oh, and April 30th is Hairstyle Appreciation Day. Seems like a good day for a haircut. Of course, these days have American origins. I want to know if there's a bacon day.

Technorati Tags: job, camel racing, robots

Candy Road Kill

There's nothing like shoveling snow first thing in the morning.

My favourite news story of the day is that Kraft has decided to stop production of Trolli Road Kill Gummi Candy, a candy shaped like flattened snakes, chickens and squirrels, complete with tire treads. Who would have thought that a stodgy old corporation like Kraft could even have come up with such an idea in the first place? It's not like Kraft is based in Tennessee, home of the Road Kill Bill.

Speaking of which, want to know what happens to some road kill and dead pets? Here is an excerpt from The Poisons in Pet Food:

"Road-kill animals and some deceased zoo animals are also sent to rendering plants. A report in the San Francisco Chronicle (February 19, 1990) presented evidence that dead pets from animal clinics and shelters are carted away to be rendered —with their name tags and flea collars intact. Other items tossed into the rendering 'soup pot' are rancid grease from restaurants and supermarket meats that are no longer fresh (including their Styrofoam and shrinkwrap packaging).

All of this material is slowly ground up at the rendering plant, then chipped or shredded, and cooked for up to an hour at 220 degrees F to 270 degrees F. The fat or tallow separates during the cooking and is removed. What’s left over is then pressed to remove all moisture and crushed into what is misleadingly called 'bone meal' or 'meat meal.'"

I wonder if this is really true? Anyway, it kinda takes my appetite away.

Technorati tags: candy, road kill, Kraft, pet food

Sleep!

Finally, we have justification for sleeping-in. Two studies have reported that people who do not get enough sleep tend to eat more. Finally, we have a diet based on sleep. This explains my slim body type. Now, we just need confirmation that sex keeps one's weight down.

Technorati tags: sleep

This is why I read the newspaper. Just yesterday's, I read that 65 million guinea pigs are consumed annually in Peru. Not only that, some Peruvian Scientists have bred a super guinea pig that weighs twice as much (and that means they only weigh one pound). They hope that other nations will accept these furry creatures as a new dish. I figure if you eat meat (and I do, after several years as a vegetarian) then anything goes. I really can't see stuffed guinea pig on any menus in Toronto anytime soon. You never know, they could be tasty little guys.

I am not sure what happened, but I have received a flood of Rolex spam. This is no exaggeration: I have received between five and six Rolex ads in my email box every day for the past week, and they are all from different addresses. If I really wanted a Rolex, I think I would buy from a reputable dealer. And, anyway, even if I were fabulously wealthy, I would never buy a Rolex.

Today is the day that the new Leonard Cohen CD comes out. I'll have to run out an get it at lunch.

I have no plans to attend any Hallowe'en parties. I never know what to wear. I guess I have yet to find my perfect costume. I have tried, over the years, a pirate (complete with puffy shirt), dracula, etc. Nothing seems to work. I am happy to entertain suggestions.

Tags: guinea pigs, spam

I am not a fan of the Toronto Star, but I have to admit that it prints (unintentionally, I think) one of the funniest columns you will ever see. Check out Saturday's New Homes section (well, I think it's Saturday: it might be Sunday). There is a bizarre column in which readers' creative ideas for useless objects are printed along with time-saving or money-saving tips. The winning tip gets a (gasp) $25 prize. If you have ever wanted to know what to do with all of those hockey pucks around your house or used pantyhose, this is the place to look.

I think many of the people who submit ideas must consider themselves to be minor MacGyvers. Speaking of which, I have never seen that show.

I watched Arrested Development for the first time. It's funny, really.

The real news today is that SpaceShipOne has won the $10 million Ansari X Prize.

Tags: Toronto Star

"Why not take your cat out for dinner?"

Meow Mix cafe has opened for business in Manhattan. Yes, you can take your cat out to dinner in New York. Associated Press reports: "The midtown restaurant serves Meow Mix packets for its feline customers with corresponding dishes to satisfy human palates. 'Deep Sea Delight' mackerel for cats is paired with tuna rolls for cat owners; 'Upstream Dream' salmon for felines corresponds with mini crab cakes for humans." I suppose that this is the next logical step after the launch of those bakeries for dogs, but really. Anyway, I am allergic to cats.

That's all I have to say today.

Oh, wait, I just finished watching both seasons of The Office. This is hilarious. I recommend it.

Tags: cats