Overrated, part 10 of 10

(see: parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9)

Finally, we are at #1. First, Steven Page. I am not a fan of BNL (they don't make this list, but I am not that interested in their music, tho I once was). I guess that kills my plans to be a rock star. If such a straight-laced and nice guy can fall for the temptations of cocaine, what hope is there for me? I would be doomed. I have met Steven. In fact, I once had a chat when they were busking on the streets. I sat at the next table at the CASBY Awards one year. He seems like a genuine guy, which makes this all the more sad. Anyway, onto something sinister...

1) Tori Amos - Apologies to the Toriphiles out there for what I am about to write. I loved the first Tori Amos song I ever heard, because I thought it was a joke. I even laughed. I thought she was some sort of satirical act, a female Weird Al Yankovic. Oh yes, there was that breathy self-important voice, a kind of small Kate Bush singing Nirvana's Smell Like Teen Spirit with so much faux emotional intensity. Who wouldn't laugh at that? It was a classic case of recasting a song in an opposing style. Strip out the furious guitar riff, the plaintive voice, and make it all soft and warm - I mean weak and pathetic.

And then, I found out that she was serious. I'd been had. The song had been chased up the charts because some listeners, like me, liked her funny one-hit Nirvana rip off. Later, she destroyed a perfectly good Cure Song. Take the time to go to that link and tell me honestly if you think that it is good music. It's a textbook case of a complete annihilation of a good song. Death by Tori. It is waffling, airy garbage. I am embarrassed for her for releasing such a pile of junk. But, the fans adore it. They love her messages delivered in pseudo-whispers, but I find all of her songs to be emotionally vacant and corny.

On close listen, what one discovers is that she cannot sing, not even close. She covers up her limited vocal range with bizarre and quirky vocalizations that sound halting and dumb. And then there's the breathing. I can't think of another singer whose breathing interferes so much with the lyrics. She hasn't the power of someone like Kate Bush. Earlier, I said she was "a kind of small Kate Bush." Kim Hughes might have said it better when she referred to Tori as a "poor man's Kate Bush." I find nothing original in her music, just a weak attempt at imitation.

Some fans are turning on her too. I think this is a reflection of her decision to self-produce, which either means that one has completely lost perspective or one is a musical genius. The latter is certainly not true in her case. Judging by her lyrics, I'd wager it's a loss of perspective. Here a rather bizarre piece of writing from Ms. Amos:

Father, I killed my monkey
I let it out to
Taste the sweet of spring
Wonder if I will wander out
Test my tether to
See if I'm still free
From you

I rest my case.



...but, if you want a good laugh at the pre-Tori Tori, and by that I mean Y Kant Tori Read, try this. If you have a thing for women who can play the piano with one of their legs resting on the keyboard, this is for you. Yes, yes, if you want to leave abusive comments, please go ahead.

I am off to the dentist and then to the optician to figure out why my new glasses don't work properly. The right eye is blurry :-(