More Keyword Mayhem

Previous post on this topic.

Hey, here's some more keywords used to find this blog:

1) lubitel 166u mask

2) pornographic sexpots

3) wakefield brewster

4) large erect nipples video

5) moxy fruvous "album covers"

6) "david cesarini" koestler

7) kool moo dee

8) pronounce "zydeco"

9) Zydeco pronounce

10) thesis about quail meat,pdf (note to this person: you need a lesson is how to search the web).

11) zydeco fish (again)

12) "fabulous life of simon cowell"

13) nympho librarian blog

14) jann arden whiner

15) "mouth like a black hole"

16) snoopisms

17) biography Robert Munch's

18) influenza infection quicktime movie

19) London's Portman Square orgy

20) "erect nipples"

Technorati tags: web searching, keywords

Another Reader Writes

There is no way to introduce this one:

"I find your blog impressive. If I had anything worthwhile to say I would create one myself. I think your blog personality is in some ways more intelligent (but less interesting) than you are. However, I cannot help but suspect that a majority of the experiences you describe are figments of your imagination. "

And, later:

I did a good job defending your blog - I remember using phrases like "paranoid, self-deluded but still intelligent" and "better than spending hours looking for online pornography" - but then I realized that I'd better just simply forward the comments to you...you probably don't take requests, but perhaps you can use them in a future blog topic?"

I don't take requests, but for you I will make an exception. Oh, and if you want to add anything, leave a comment.

Technorati tags: reader comments

A Reader Writes

So I got some email from a reader who has some comments and questions:

"Comments? Really? I hate leaving comments. It forces me to think!"

"Sometimes it takes me awhile to put a coherent sentence together especially today."

"but you are forcing me think and everyone will read my comment won't they? I'm afraid, very afraid!!"

I'm sure you'll get over it. After all, you can post anonymously, and I'll never know it was you.


"where did you get Zydeco Fish??? "Hey you, leave a comment". Well that is inspiring. Oh can this count as a comment?"

Zydeco Fish is the title of one of the first poems I had published, and no, that doesn't count as a comment.


"do you play the guitar?"

I try.


"haha...your post on Celine was funny"

This one or this one? But, thanks.

Technorati tags: reader comments

Happy Spring

It's Friday and all I can think about is spring. So, happy spring. By the way, spring comes on Sunday this year, the 20th, not the 21st, as you might expect.

I am not a Star Wars fan by any means, and so you can imagine that I care little about the new film that is about to be released. After all, I fell asleep during the last one. I still can't decide which was more boring: Lord of the Rings or Episode II. So, just why is it that George Lucas thinks that re-releasing these films is 3D is a good idea? Beginning in 2007, we could be faced with a remastered 3D Star War film every year for six years. That means more Star Wars hype into 2013. Can't he move on and do something else?

Technorati tags: spring, movies, Star Wars

Happy St. Patrick's Day

It's really a coincidence that I am wearing a green shirt today. I competely forgot what today is. Ever since Grade 5, when someone laughed at my green shirt, I have avoided green on St, Patrick's Day. Green is not my colour anyway, or maybe it is?

But, I think I have the right to wear green, given that I have a great grandmother who was born in Ireland. In August 1649, Oliver Cromwell sent his army to crush Ireland.

There's a good Pogues song, called Young Ned of the Hill. They sing:

A curse upon you Oliver Cromwell
You who raped our motherland
I hope you're rotting down in hell
For the horrors that you sent
To our misfortunate forefathers
Whom you robbed of their birthright
To hell or Connaught
May you burn in hell tonight

I have Scottish heritage too. My father was born in Glasgow. In July 1650, Oliver Cromwell sent his army to crush Scotland. Oh, and there's a good Proclaimers song, called Cap in Hand. They sing:

But I can't understand why we let someone else rule our land
We're cap in hand

and:

We fight-when they ask us
We boast-then we cower
We beg
For a piece of
What's already ours

It's interesting that Cromwell died in 1658, but was exhumed in 1661 to be executed, posthumously. It was a little too late, by any stretch.

Oh, and I know something about this, having taken an entire graduate history course on the English Civil War. At the end, my head was filled with stuff on the Whigs, the Puritans, the rise of the New Model Army, the Roundheads, Levellers, and the Diggers (True Levellers). And, that reminds me that also in 1649, Gerrard Winstanley took his Diggers to St. George's Hill. But that, as they say, is another story

Technorati tags: St. Patrick's Day, Ireland, Oliver Cromwell, Pogues, Scotland, Proclaimers

College Street Fights

During my leisurely after-work stroll home, while listening to Brian Eno, I witnessed two violent and simultaneous events near the corner of College and Robert. This happened:

A guy was pushing and shoving another guy on the sidewalk. The pushed one ended up flat on his back in the snow. He covered his face with his coat and hands just as I heard a bicycle bell ring out. So, at the same time - and less than ten feet away from this scuffle - I hear a cyclist screaming at the driver of a mini van, calling him a 'dumb ass' for driving in the bike lane and telling the driver how he had hit his handlebars. It was hard to decide which altercation to follow because the other guy was poking the guy, who was flat on his back in the snow, about the face and telling him to keep out of whatever was going on because it was none of his business. Meanwhile, the cyclist was really screaming at the driver (and, believe me, I sympathize, having been almost pinned between turning cars and parked cars on several occasions).

About eight or nine people turned their attention to the goings on, but no one stepped in. The guy who had his quarry pinned on the sidewalk seemed very unstable to me, but it was clear that he was happy with the intimidation he had brought upon his foe cowering in the snow. No one came to the aid of the cyclist (or the driver, for that matter), mostly because I think people are apathetic to the plight of the urban cyclist in Toronto. As I cycled in today, I reflected on the reality of the situation: the car rules here, despite the large numbers of cyclists in this city.

Technorati tags: Toronto, College Street, cycling, street fighting

Keyword Mayhem

Hey, here's some keywords used to find this blog:

1) what on tvo kids kids on tuesday and thursday (note to this person: you have no idea how to search the web)

2) human harp performance "body modification"

3) celeste zydeco

4) librarian

5) libraries

6) pen equity, toronto, metropolis, 2005

7) naked old women large nipples

8) zydeco

9) yonge and dundas

Update - Forgot the obvious:

10) zydeco fish

Technorati tags: web searching, keywords

Is Bush an Idiot?

The President explains his Social Security plan (Tampa, Florida, 4 Feb 2005)

Question: "I don't really understand. How is it the new [Social Security] plan is going to fix that problem?"

President Bush: "Because the -- all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculated, for example, is on the table. Whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those -- changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be -- or closer delivered to that has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled.

Look, there's a series of things that cause the -- like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon the increase of wages, as opposed to the increase of prices. Some have suggested that we calculate -- the benefits will rise based upon inflation, as opposed to wage increases.

There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those -- if that growth is affected, it will help on the red."

How did this man get elected twice?

Technorati tags: George Bush, idiots

Garden State

OK, so like, many months after most people had seen Garden State, I finally saw it. I was reminded that I really need to see it after stumbling on Zach Braff''s Blog. So, here is my short movie review: I like it, but I found it had a very Hollywood ending, for a film that is somewhat unconventional. What do you think?

Other than that, the only thing I have to say is that I was kind of mesmerized by Natalie Portman's ears. Is it just me, or are they rather Elf-ish, even Vulcan-ish? I swear, if they ever need to cast a nice looking young woman as a Vulcan or an Elf, they should seriously consider Natalie Portman. Does anyone agree?

Is anyone else amazed that the Pope is still alive? He can't be human.

Technorati tags: movies, Garden State, Zach Braff, Natalie Portman, Pope

Zach

I just discovered that Zach Braff has a blog. Imagine posting something that got over 3000 comments? That will never happen here, especially since Blogger's comment system is fried at the moment.

Technorati tags: Zach Braff

Blogger Problems

Something strange was going on at Blogger this morning, and this eve, I noticed that the commenting system was all messed up. Sorry about that.

Technorati tags: Blogger

Bring Out Your Dead

It's probably bad form to commence a serious post with a reference to Monty Python. But, if you have been following the increasingly scary warnings from the World Health Organization, you will know that the question is not if a influenza pandemic will happen, but when. So far, the disease has been characterized by a lack of symptoms and a very high mortality rate. The Spanish influenza pandemic in 1918 killed somewhere between 40 and 50 million people, with a corresponding mortality rate of only 2.5%. So far, the mortality rate of the H5N1 avian flu in Vietnam, Thailand, and Cambodia is 76% (42 of the 55 known to be infected have died). To make things worse, there is now one confirmed human to human transmission.

That's scary. I just can't imagine that kind of toll. The flu travels faster these days because of airline travel (as opposed to being carried on ships), so this will be fast and deadly. When this or a future pandemic hits, it will be devastating.

On the bright side, I was recently telling a friend how much I enjoyed last week's Simpsons Couch gag. It turns out that I am not the only one. The Accordion Guy had loaded a Quicktime movie, but he had to take it down 'cause blogware's server was being overwhelmed. He has posted a new URL, but you need BitTorrent to watch it. See his post.

Technorati tags: avian flu, influenza, Simpsons

Random Things

First, the recent deaths of four RCMP officers has stirred up the marijuana debate even more. I have said this before, but I will say it again. We shouldn't be making criminals out of tokers. We shouldn't ban a substance that is probably less harmful than alcohol. Prohibition didn't work then and it isn't working now.

Start Counting

I've added a counter to this blog, almost two years later. Hey, and at the time of posting, I had 33 visitors in the first 24 hours (and that doesn't include me). That's cool, although no one left a comment :-( which leads to my next point.

Comment Killer

Now I know the meaning of the term. It seems that my recent three-part segment from my journal scared some folks away. Maybe I'll think twice before I divulge anything so deeply personal again.

Dan Rather

I have kinda always liked Dan, but I have to say that I may have to re-evaluate that after having read this list of Dan Ratherisms. They are more apt than anything uttered by Dan Quail, but they are rather goofy. It's hard to pick a favourite, but how about: "This election swings like one of those pendulum things." or, "This race is tight like a too-small bathing suit on a too-long ride home from the beach." Say what? The list is hilarious.

Technorati tags: marijuana, blog statistics, Dan Rather

Two things:

1) Gizoogle

Have you seen Gizoogle? It translates web pages into Snoopisms (you know, Snoop Dogg). Here's the Gizoogled US Declaration of Independence.

2) Blogs as Advertisements, or, Marketing Rot

If you have ever followed the link to "NEXT BLOG" on Blogger (top right of this screen), you will have undoubtedly stumbled upon blogs that are ads. Many simply repeat the same thing over and over, post after post. This irritates me for two reasons.

i) Is it necessary to defile everything with ads? Can't they leave blogs alone? I suppose this is marginally better than comment spam.

ii) Do they really think that we are all idiots? Maybe I am in the minority, but I wouldn't patronize any business that creates a blog as an advertisement, especially if it doesn't even have enough energy to make it interesting. I'm not about to take out a mortgage from some due who solicits for customers in online communities.

I'd give you an example, or two, but I really don't want to give these yahoos any more exposure.

Technorati tags: Gizoogle, blogs, advertising

Toronto's Times Square Ripoff

How did it happen that the municipal government in Toronto decided to build a lesser Times Square? No one asked me if I thought it was a good idea. And, I'll tell you what, I don't think it is a good idea.

Isn't it bad enough that we are bombarded with advertisements almost everywhere we go. Why do we need giant LCD screens and media towers confronting us at Yonge & Dundas? I do realize that there have always been advertisements there, but why does the city think that we should allow what looks to be a pornographic orgy of ads in this area?

Anyway, the long-anticipated Metropolis Centre is finally under construction (on the north east corner of Yonge & Dundas), but I have noticed that not much is happening on the site recently. Future Shop and Virgin Superstore have leased space. (Let me just add that there is nothing super about any Virgin Superstore I have ever visited. The name is hyperbolic).

Pen Equity has loaded an interesting document (in pdf) that describes the project. I have to object strongly to this statement: "Comparable to New York's Times Square or London's Piccadilly Circus, Dundas Square IS the 24-hour public face of Toronto." Is this a joke?

Technorati tags: Toronto, Metropolis Centre, Yonge Street, Virgin Superstore

An old excerpt from my pen and paper journal...(part 3)

Read part 1 and part 2

These were the days of rap. How many videos featured those female dancers in those tight athletic shorts, shiny black with black shoes, short shirts even bras or bikini tops? And, those athletic moves. These women could bend and flex. They had good bodies. And then there was the twenty minute workout, featuring three women with those bodysuits. I am not sure if the TV police noticed, but one could see the aureole through some of those outfits. That is on top of the fact that one of the women always had fully erect nipples.

The blonde woman with short hair had large breasts. The camera always managed to offer a good view, right down her cleavage. The camera panned around just as the three of them bent over to place their palms on the floor. It was a good view from the front or the back.

Back to Much Music. I think it is a George Michael video in which several semi-naked women appear. His guitar gets set on fire. A woman writhes on the bed, all sweaty. Her arms conveniently blocking the view of her pubic area, and her nipples, but the flesh of her breasts spills out. That's almost as good. That video was always a good climax to my viewing.

In the afternoon, I headed back to my computer. I switched off the radio and brought up my thesis in Word Perfect. No, I couldn't do it. Just one more game of Tetris. Just one more game.

Usually, I tried to get something done: change the ordering of ideas on a page; rewrite a sentence; run the spell checker through the file, which was a slow process because of all of those Polish, Russian, German, and Baltic names.

I always got the same questions when A___ came home. "Did you get much done?" and "did you call G___."

(these entries, although written at the Pearson airport in 2002 while awaiting a flight to Texas, refer to events of 1991).

Technorati tags: pen and paper journal

An old excerpt from my pen and paper journal...(part 2)

Read part 1

I thought of my thesis, even felt guilty that it was languishing in another directory. But, my day was set. I looked forward to the all-request-nooner, the mail delivery, Tetris, lunch, and a few minutes of rap videos on Much Music in the afternoon.

Mail was never very interesting, but it was a diversion. It wasn't my thesis, it had to be done, and so I did not feel guilty taking that short elevator trip down six floors to the lobby. I hated it when mail was late. Every day, I met a short Chinese woman in the lobby whose whole life seemed to revolve around the mail. Why was she always there waiting for the mail like a dog staring out the window hoping his owner would show up? We never spoke.

I liked most songs on CFNY's all-request-nooner. I used my small cassette player in the den because the sound from the stereo did not travel very well down the concrete halls from the living room.

In a Tetris haze, I could see nothing but probabilities. When I made a mistake, I knew how the program would punish me. I'd get a square I couldn't use or an L shape with no place to put it. My vision distorted. Things went grey at the edges, like I had tunnel vision.

I dreamed Tetris. I had nightmares of falling shapes, yellow against black. I had nights of terrible restlessness that eventually blended into A___less morning sleep.

If I was lucky, the songs on the radio went with the game. Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb was the essential Tetris song. I had become comfortably numb.

One more game and then I will get on with chapter two. OK, one more game and I will re-read my introduction. OK, just one more game and I'll have lunch. Lunch was good. I had to eat lunch, so lunch was not procrastination. What's wrong with catching the headlines on the news? I needed to be informed. After all, I am doing an MA in history. Just get the headlines and then work on the thesis.

Wait, a good story on dogs is coming up. I like dogs, so what's wrong with watching that? The weather? Why not? I may have to go outside. The weather is important.

OK, just a quick channel surfing session and then I'll be set. OK, stop there on Much Music.

to be continued ...

Read part 3

Technorati tags: pen and paper journal

An old excerpt from my pen and paper journal...(part 1)

I think the days went like this. A__ woke up to the alarm at 7:01, not a minute earlier, not later. Ideally, she would wake at 6:50, but the sight of the number 6 was too much for her so early in the morning. She settled on 7:01.

A quick shower, the attack on her hair in the bathroom that left a loose rug of hair, perceptibly deep, on the floor was followed by a regimented breakfast : one piece of toast with peanut butter, always smoothy, never crunchy, and one glass of milk. When I had two slices of toast, she sneered at me, angered by the wastefulness. Two pieces of toast were too many. We needed to economize.

I slept through it all. She busied herself and I slept, happy to finally hear the click of the front door. I slept soundly, waking later and later and the year progressed.

My M.A. thesis was underway, stored on my hard drive, backed up on several floppies. I carried one copy in my back pack at all times. I had a recent print out. I hadn't looked at the file for days. But, I did use the computer.

My courses had ended in the spring and I looked forward to a summer of finishing my thesis. As the weeks passed, I got out of bed later and later. At first, I woke at 9:00, then 9:30, then 10:00. After a while, I would wake and see 11:35 on my clock radio. I could have slept even longer.

I'd get out a bed, shower, shake my head at the thick matting of hair on the floor. I'd never seen anything like it. And, she blamed some of it on me. I knew my hair was more rigidly attached to my head than that. I suspected that she would be bald in a few years.

After breakfast of two or even three pieces of toast and crunchy peanut butter, I headed for the den and fired up the computer. Soon, the Tetris blocks, the colour of deep almost dirty yellow, fell from the top of the screen. I placed them perfectly in rows, rewarded buy that small computer bleep - a sound that made me feel like an expert - and a slowly increasing score.

Soon, I entered the zone of Tetris perfection. The top twenty scores were all mine. I was so good, I had to start losing when I reached the high score. Otherwise, the counter went back to zero. I remember screaming with joy when I lost, just in time to record my score before the game would have put me back to the beginning.

to be continued...

Read part 2

Technorati tags: pen and paper journal

A Political Detour, or, Hey Bush, Shove Your Missile Defense System

I just have to say something else about missile defense. Lots of experts -- including one from MIT and another from the Canadian Association of Physicists -- have said that the system just won't work. Apart from that, it is clear that deploying such a system will herald a new weapons race. Sure, these are defensive weapons, but weapons still. Isn't it obvious that the enemy (whomever that may be) will want to design weapons that can penetrate the new shield? I had thought that the weapons race was over. Apparently, it is starting again.

So, I don't care if Condoleeza Rice snubs Canada. I don't care if Paul Cellucci rants and raves that we are losing sovereignty. In my opinion, choosing our own international path demonstrates Canada's independence and sovereignty. The Bush administration is focusing on an obscene war on terror, developing new weapons, and panicking about same-sex marriage instead of paying attention to those things that are truly immoral, like genocide in parts of Africa. Bush needs to get his priorities in order.

Technorati tags: George Bush, missile defense, Condoleeza Rice, Paul Cellucci

Candy Road Kill

There's nothing like shoveling snow first thing in the morning.

My favourite news story of the day is that Kraft has decided to stop production of Trolli Road Kill Gummi Candy, a candy shaped like flattened snakes, chickens and squirrels, complete with tire treads. Who would have thought that a stodgy old corporation like Kraft could even have come up with such an idea in the first place? It's not like Kraft is based in Tennessee, home of the Road Kill Bill.

Speaking of which, want to know what happens to some road kill and dead pets? Here is an excerpt from The Poisons in Pet Food:

"Road-kill animals and some deceased zoo animals are also sent to rendering plants. A report in the San Francisco Chronicle (February 19, 1990) presented evidence that dead pets from animal clinics and shelters are carted away to be rendered —with their name tags and flea collars intact. Other items tossed into the rendering 'soup pot' are rancid grease from restaurants and supermarket meats that are no longer fresh (including their Styrofoam and shrinkwrap packaging).

All of this material is slowly ground up at the rendering plant, then chipped or shredded, and cooked for up to an hour at 220 degrees F to 270 degrees F. The fat or tallow separates during the cooking and is removed. What’s left over is then pressed to remove all moisture and crushed into what is misleadingly called 'bone meal' or 'meat meal.'"

I wonder if this is really true? Anyway, it kinda takes my appetite away.

Technorati tags: candy, road kill, Kraft, pet food

8 Comments/Questions About the Oscars

I bailed at 10:00 PM. Actually, it was more like 10:11. I hung on, hoping for things to get interesting, or something. Really, I think I was subtly aware that, once again, the Academy choose not to honour the best in film. Anyway, here we go:

1) Is it just me or does the lead singer of Counting Crows look exactly like Sideshow Bob? By the way, that song is BORING!

2) Why does Drew Barrymore get the label "multi-talented?" What, does she play the Aeolian Wind Harp, or something? And, while we are on introductions, why is Mike Meyers "lovely?"

3) Had anyone else noticed that Rene Zellweger holds her head with a kind of faux differential incline and wears a perplexing squinty eyed sour face? What's up?

4) I my opinion, Leonardo DiCaprio is our next Jack Nicholson. No further explanation is required. Let's just look back in twenty years and examine his hairline, wardrobe, and whether he wears sunglasses in doors (by the way, there are only four degrees of separation between me and Leo: I just have to work out how to get to Kevin Bacon in two more steps).

5) Johnny Depp may well be the next Marlon Brando, and here I am thinking about the later Marlon, or at least the Marlon of Apocalypse Now. Trust me on this one.

6) Beyonce can't sing to save herself. She looks nice (although her makeup last night was rather severe).

7) I liked Chris Rock's comments on Bush.

8) There were a few nice dresses.

Technorati tags: Oscars, Academy Awards

GMail Invites

Wow, I have 50 to give away. Leave a comment if you want one.

Technorati tags: gmail

I have some of these:

You have to accept the definition they apply to gadget: The Top 100 Gadgets of All Time. In my cursory examination of the list, I noticed that there is a paucity of Ronco products. That has to be an oversight. After all, Ronco gave us Mr. Microphone and with it -and long before Seinfeld's "Master of my Domain" and "yada yada yada" - that essential phrase "Hey, good-looking! We'll be back to pick you up later!"

The list raises a few questions & comments:

Why is the Pez dispenser way down at #98?
How on earth did the inventor of the Tamagotchi manage to sell 40 million of them?
Tickle Me Elmo should make the list of most irritating gadgets of all time.
The Mattel Magic 8 Ball?
The Clapper? Even my grandmother didn't buy one of those, but she is cheap, so maybe that's the answer.

And, most importantly, why is the vibrator not on the list? I suppose because this list is from a male geek mag.

Anyway, you look and tell me what you think.

P.S. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Paul Cellucci, please go home and whine to someone else about your stupid missile defense plan.


Technorati tags: gadgets, Ronco, vibrator, Paul Cellucci

My Email to TV Ontario

TVO Kids and Advertising

While I am pleased to see that there are no commercials on TVO Kids, I am upset that you allow one entity to have what seems to be free advertising. The Bod Squad segments are extended advertisements for the Dairy Farmers of Ontario.

Without going into an extended discourse on the relative value of cow's milk to the human diet (suffice it to say that, despite popular wisdom, there is a considerable debate on its merits, including interesting cases of links to autism and even osteoporosis, despite prevailing popular opinion - try a MEDLINE search if you want confirmation) you are pushing products that some parents do not want their children to have for many reasons.

Many children are allergic to milk and many parents recognize that cow's milk is not the perfect food it is portrayed as being. In addition, many immigrants, who form a large portion of your audience, do not choose to include dairy products in their diet. And yet, they too are being forced to watch these skits that promote, more than any other type of food, dairy products. What is even more interesting is that there have been segments promoting chocolate milk, which is packed with sugar. That is not a healthy food choice. It also amazes me that pizza is promoted as a healthy food. Saturated animal fats are not healthy.

Sincerely,

Technorati tags: TV Ontario, milk, dairy industry

Am I really this out-of-touch? and Sex Blogs

Pitchfork Media has released it's list of top 100 albums from 2000 to 2004. How can it be that I have only 4!? They are:

#041: Godspeed You Black Emperor! - Lift Yr Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven
[Kranky; 2000]

#039: Radiohead - Hail to the Thief
[Capitol; 2003]

#021: Radiohead - Amnesiac
[Capitol; 2001]

#001: Radiohead - Kid A
[Capitol; 2000]

I am trying to decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I have so few of the top 100. Any ideas? At least I have the #1 album. Of course, I have issues with some of the items overlooked, but that's another story.

The good news is that I have none of these albums from the Museum of Bad Album Covers (although my dad has a couple).

Sex!

I stumbled upon Eros Blog the other day. In addition to the link to I Am a Library Girl and Naked Librarians (which I had seen before), there is a lot of interesting stuff here. Maybe I shouldn't say too much else. Go there, if you like. Note that there is nudity and adult situations. Viewer discretion is advised.

Technorati tags: music, sex blogs

The Decline of the Urban Bank

The corner bank is disappearing in Toronto. Today, I noticed another one is gone. In my neighborhood, there is a brand new Pizza Pizza where a stately corner bank once stood. Now, the place has been desecrated by ugly orange and white tiles.

I understand the new economy of online banking, but I regret the passing of the bank on the corner. I am from a small town where the main street ran for a quarter mile. When I was a kid, there were four banks and each one stood on a corner. They are still there. In Toronto, they are dying only to be replaced by Pizza Pizza and 7-Eleven.

I think that there is something interesting about how bank architecture has changed over time - I have to admit having a particular fondness for early 20th century design. Later bank design just doesn't do it for me, and neither does later church design. Let's face it, modern banks and churches are ugly, and there is no reason for it. Any place where people go to worship (either some god or money) ought to be architecturally inspiring.

Technorati tags: banks, architecture

Thinking Outside the Box, HVD, etc.

I like this story. In Boise, Idaho, a city ordinance bans complete nudity at strip clubs. But, because there are exclusions for art (ballet, dance, dramatic performances, etc), the club is handing out pencils and paper two nights per week. Patrons are then permitted to sketch the models during their routines.

HVD

And, just when I thought I had caught up, by purchasing a DVD player, I read about the competing formats for the next generation, those being Blu-Ray and HD-DVD. Fine, I thought. But, now we hear that six companies are working on a next next generation product called HVD, or Holographic Versatile Disc.

Evidently, in its final state, this disc will hold a terabyte of data, or the equivalent of 200 DVDs. It can also be used for data backup. But, let me ask you, who has a terabyte of data hanging around? And, having a terabyte of film on one disc sounds great, I'd hate to scratch it. That sounds expensive to replace.

Hey, Hunter S. Thompson is dead of an apparent suicide.

Technorati tags: nudity, HVD, DVD

14 Random Facts About Me

1st concert: Prism (with FM and the Pumps).

1st kiss: Veronica and Caroline under Veronica's porch when I was 7 or 8. I went first; Gordie went second. It was on the cheeks.

1st real kiss: I can't remember.

1st girlfriend: Heather - I was in grade 7; she was in grade 8.

1st car: Pontiac Ventura - it was brown and ugly and only had a AM radio.

1st job: cleaning store windows (age 10).

1st real job: summer job bailing hay & straw.

1st really real job: summer job as bartender, waiter, bell hop, etc.

1st office job: credit department at a major credit card company.

1st body modification: ear piercing.

1st time on TV: age 5.

1st fight: vs. Ray in grade 2 (there were only two fights in my life).

1st award: for perfect attendance in grade 6.

1st flight: to Florida, age 5.

Technorati tags: me, random facts

A Lost Bet (part five, the final part), in which I listen to the last of five CDs

Recap: I lost a stupid bet about movie dialogue (both the dialogue and the movie are too embarrassing to mention) and my punishment was to listen to five CDs of the winner's choice. The final CD is Monster Ballads.

I am not sure if I have saved the best or worst CD for last. Just looking over the cover filled me with trepidation. I didn't think I had heard any of these songs, but I did know one. I recognized lots of the band names. We have Warrant, Poison, Whitesnake, Europe, Cinderella, Extreme, etc. I'd say that the only thing missing is Beth (the KISS high school slow dance favourite).

The tag line on this CD is "Every bad boy has his soft side." On the back, there is even a picture of a hand with a lighter! Rock on. I have always felt that these hard rock guys put a power ballad on their albums for two reasons: the first is so that their fans - long-haired, earnest young men - will have a chance to score with their girlfriends (if they are lucky enough to have one; if not, it gives them a slow dance option). The second reason is that the ladies will request this song at radio stations around the world, because they are sick of the metal, and it will shoot to number one. And, you have to admit, it never fails.

And now, on to the CD. I have heard Almost Paradise. It sucks. Mr. Big sucks. Warrant sucks. I have heard Carrie before. It is unremarkable. Maybe it's the exhaustion of losing this bet and having to list to so much strange music, but I can only manage to summon the word suck. Maybe I need a thesaurus. How about this CD stinks. It is appalling, dreadful, frightful, horrible, horrific, shocking, terrible, abhorrent, abominable, detestable, obnoxious, offensive, repulsive, and revolting.

Is that too harsh? I am sure that there is someone out there with fond memories of some of these songs. If so, I am sorry if I have offended you.

P.S.

No I know why Poison is called Poison: the music is poisonous.

P.P.S.

Here is a good diversion.

Technorati tags: music, Monster Ballads

A Lost Bet (part four)

After the horror the preceding three CDs, I felt a sort of warm comfort when I put "Women and Songs" into my CD drive. (By the way, this is the first of these CDs. It has grown like some sort of noxious weed into a multi disc franchise).

My warm feelings were shattered by the self-important whining of Jewel. I fear I am going to offend legions of Jewel fans here, but let's be serious. She reminds me of Tori Amos, someone I have always characterized as a poor man's Kate Bush. In fact, I felt that Tori was some sort of novelty act after hearing her awesomely hilarious rendition of Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit. Only later did I realize that people admired that perverse performance. And I was left waiting for her to do a breathy piano version of Stairway to Heaven. But, back to Jewel. The lyrics of Foolish Game are silly and embarrassing.

The good news is that there are some songs that I like on this CD. For instance, I like Suzanne Vega and the Pretenders. That might be it. Did you know that Tom's Diner refers to Monk's Cafe, the cafe used in Seinfeld? But, my overwhelming feeling about this disc is one of sleepiness. I could just drift off. And, that may be a good thing. There must be something redeeming about music that I can sleep to.

Here's a random fact about me. I once won tickets (thanks to K.) to see Moxy Fruvous. The opening act was Jann Arden. I didn't like her then and I don't like her now. Boy, anyone reading these recent posts might think that I hate all music. That's not really true. I tend to dislike popular music, but there are exceptions.

I should mention that I am not opposed to women singers. I like, for example, Laurie Anderson, Kate Bush, Bjork, The Breeders, Lush, Cocteau Twins, the Cranberries, P.J. Harvey, Linda Thompson, Lucinda Williams, Cassandra Wilson, Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, etc.

An acceptable description of this disc has to include the term "adult contemporary." That's what it is after all: a middling collection of fairly uninspired tunes. On the other hand, I may have stumbled upon the perfect xmas gift for my father.

Technorati tags: music, Jewel, Tori Amos, Women and Songs

Self Portrait #2 (self-portrait #1)

Technorati tags: self portraits, photography

A Lost Bet (part three)

But first, on my way in today, listening to The Smiths, I recalled a dream I had last night. In the dream, I was asked to sing the national anthem at some major sporting event in a huge stadium. The crowd was enormous. Anyway, I walked out, stood before the microphone, and forgot the words. The crowd took over, keeping up with the music. I decided to sing along with the crowd, but I lost the tempo, and, so, I was seriously out-of-time. The whole thing was a mess, and I was chased from the field by an angry mob. It turns out, that in my dream, I was a lousy singer. With that in mind, I move on to the third CD I am forced to listen to.

This dream provides a good segue to today's CD, for I have decided that Bon Jovi cannot sing. I am in the midst of the disastrous Keep the Faith. I am not sure I will be able to make it to the end.

The AllMusic Guide's description really sums it up for me. They write: "the New Jersey-based quintet developed an ingratiatingly melodic and professional variation of hard rock -- one that appealed as much to teenagers as to housewives." Therein lies the issue for me: I am neither a teenager nor a housewife. Let me also say that I object to AllMusic's comparisons with Bruce Springsteen. AllMusic would have you believe that Bon Jovi merged aspects of Def Leppard with Bruce Springsteen. If you ask me, it's more like Rick Springfield and Twisted Sister.

And that voice! It's like fingernails on a blackboard. I don't think I can take it. I'd rather listen to Boney M or Gloria Gaynor or even Milli Vanilli. Here is perhaps the most surprising thing: I had never heard any of these Bon Jovi songs before. It's true. Oh, and I say that "I Want You" is the worst song on the CD.

So, in the end, I am comfortable reporting that Bon Jovi sucks! Now, I need some Tylenol.

Three down, two to go.

Technorati tags: music, Bon Jovi, dreams

A Lost Bet (part two)

Today, I am Spin Doctoring. Cd #2 is the Spin Doctors, a band, believe it or not, I had never heard of before. (Read the previous post if you have no idea what I am talking about). I know, this might seems amazing to some of you but, trust me, there are lots of bands I have never heard of.

First impressions: I hate the cover. Second impressions: the dudes in the band are trying way too hard to look cool. That is always a bad sign, especially when there are hats, scarves, and baby ZZ top beards involved.

So, I made a stop at AllMusic to get an informed opinion about this odd looking bunch of guys. Somewhat surprisingly, the folks at AllMusic give this motley looking crew a positive spin. They say, "not only could immerse themselves in a groove, but they also had concise pop skills." And so, off to the CD.

It's not as bad as I had imagined. There is guitar, drums, a not too irritating vocalist. But, I have to say that the lyrics do nothing for me. They are remarkably lame and uninspired. Having said that, there is little here for me. It's largely average-ish and too much like so many other bands for me. But, I could listen to it again, even without a gun to my head, although I would probably never choose to do so, and will never buy this CD.

So, I am not going to say that its sucks. I should be happy that the person I lost the bet to didn't force something more objectionable on me. Of course, I have three more CDs to go.

I just ate a banana. (not in public, mind you).

Technorati tags: music, Spin Doctors

A Lost Bet (part one)

I lost a bet and my punishment is that I have to listen to five CDs of the victor's choice, and not necessarily ones that the victor likes. It's more like things that are known to be antithetical to my tastes. And so, I am horrified to report that I am typing this while listening to Mariah Carey's #1's complete with bonus tracks. I am using headphones and, if someone should come into my office and ask what the tunes are, I will have to say something I consider to be the opposite of Mariah, which is probably Skinny Puppy or Throbbing Gristle,or maybe even Mandy Patkinin (ok, so the last one is a joke).

So far, I have listened to five songs and they pretty much all sound the same. I feel like there is something boring huge chunks out of my brain. It may well lose thought capacity and slide down the IQ scale. I have to say that as much as I dislike it, I don't feel like I am under aural assault like when I happen to hear Celine Dion. Of course, my feelings about her music are known.

My final review of Mariah is that the music is unremarkable. I even hesitate to apply the term music to it. It almost doesn't qualify. Her voice is irritating, making me think of sand paper on skin. What's worse is that she sings with such self-importance. She's not that good.

On the positive side, the dress she is wearing on the cover is fabulous.

Technorati tags: music, Mariah Carey

Clearly, no one cares about Star Trek. Or, at least, that is what someone just told me. So, move on, I must.

Somehow, I ended up in a conversation about underwear today. And, it reminded me of a story I read earlier today. Virginia (the state, not the girl) has passed a law that authorizes fines for anyone wearing droopy pants. If your underwear is showing, you can get a $50 fine. This begs lots of questions, but mostly, I have to wonder why the United States is so puritanical? My second question is: are they targeting teenagers or plumbers? If plumbers, then I am with them. If teenagers, then I am opposed. We don't need to alienate the youth more than they already are.

And, get this: an Oklahoma judge has been forced to retire after he was found masturbating on the bench during proceedings. Evidently, he was using some sort of penis pump (on many occasions), which made a whooshing sound. Charges are pending. OK, so I know that legal types are weird and probably under-sexed, but can court really be that exciting? I have served as a juror, and let me tell you that I found the environment to be less than stimulating. Maybe that was it: maybe he was just bored.

Technorati tags: underwear, Virginia, masturbation

Star Trek

Finally, this is what you have all been waiting for; a post about Star Trek. It has been announced that Enterprise is wrapping up this spring after 4 seasons. Oddly, the word cancellation was not used. Clearly, the show has been cancelled, despite the spin put on it by the network.

I am a casual Star Trek fan. I have seen many of the episodes, but certainly not all. I am not a trekker or a trekkie; I do not speak Klingonese; I do not own Star Trek paraphernalia. In fact, I like to point out some of the flaws in the so-called science of Trek. My biggest question is why they have doctors. Once you have complete control over matter and energy (and they do via the transporter and later technology, like the holodeck), why do you need doctors? Such technology makes doctors irrelevant. Oh, and don't get me started on time travel (just remember what Stephen Hawking said on that subject: “Time travel is not theoretically possible, for if it was they’d already be here telling us about it!”). Anyway, back to Enterprise.

When the concept of Enterprise was announced, I was skeptical. I felt that the idea of a prequel was a bad one. But, as it happens, I think that the show is far better than I ever would have imagined, except for the fact that it is badly cast. I mean, other than Jolene Blalock (as T'Pol) and John Billingsley - who has turned the character of Dr. Phlox into the best doctor in the Star Trek franchise - there is not much depth. I mean, Lt. Mayweather? He is the lamest character ever. Malcolm? He's a whiner. They make Wesley Crusher look good.

My other problem with this series is that it did little of what a prequel ought to do. In fact, it has largely ignored much of the material that originally appeared on the so-called original series. It has made no effort to prequelize anything, so far at least. But, it is a far better series than Voyager. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my last word on Star Trek.

Technorati tags: Star Trek, Enterprise

A Cold

I hate getting colds. I woke up this morning with a bad one. Don't you hate that feeling of a cold coming on when you sleep? It just creeps up on you during the night, and makes you feel like crap. I tried to check my email, but it is down, so I feel rather disconnected from the world. It's amazing how much I rely on email.

Kissing in Indonesia

Did you hear that Indonesia may ban kissing in public, but only if you are unwed? If you are co-habiting, your home may even be raided. If passed, these laws would include prison terms for exposing "certain sensual body parts". I wonder which parts they mean. Some lips are very sensual. Some eyes are too. If certain people I know went to Indonesia, they would have to walk around with a bag on their head to avoid a jail sentence. These laws can't help with tourism, I would think. It is a move in the wrong direction.

Technorati tags: colds, Indonesia, kissing

The Conference

I have to say that the speech by Stephen Lewis at OLA was, without any question, the most moving speech I have ever heard. It was one of those speeches that I wished everyone in the world could have heard. If you ever have the chance to hear him speak, you must.

I used to have a theory that the whole conference thing was a fraud. I felt that those in attendance were there simply to get out of work and that those presenting were there for much the same reasons, but to also puff up their CVs. I think I have moderated my opinion, but I am still amazed that there can be so wide a range of quality of presentation. I presented two years ago at this conference, and I believe that those in attendance learned something, or at least went away with something to think about. I have to say that I attended some sessions that were less than stellar.

Perhaps people just go for the free wine and food and socializing.

Technorati tags: Ontario Library Association, conferences, libraries, Stephen Lewis

I survived the conference. Actually, it was a rather enjoyable conference, if a bit long. I can never figure out why they plan conferences that run until Saturday and even Sunday. Let's be reasonable and end the conference on a Friday. Why not make it Wednesday to Friday instead of Thursday to Saturday. This would improve my conference enjoyment rate by a factor of ten.

Technorati tags: Ontario Library Association, conferences, libraries

I forgot...

to mention that I picked up a copy of Valley of the Giants. This is a fabulous CD, and it only cost me $7.99 at Soundscapes on College Street! Go get it.

Technorati tags: Valley of the Giants, music

Million Dollar Baby, Tom Hanks, Simian Porn, and Same-sex Marriage

The Movie

I felt like I was watching Rocky albeit with an unRocky-like ending. Hillary was quite good, as was Clint, although he reminds me of a friend of my dad's, except that my dad's friend is missing part of his forehead. I believe a huge swath of cancerous skin was removed. It's quite difficult to not look at it.

I do like Morgan Freeman, but he seems to always play the same character. Part way through the film, I started to wonder where Miss Daisy was. I feel the same way about Tom Hanks. It's not that he is a bad actor. Well, to be honest, I think he is very mediocre. I cannot suspend my disbelief: I just see Tom Hanks on the screen. So, I suggest that from now on, he just be cast as Tom Hanks. His name should be Tom Hanks in every movie. Don't you think it would have been more interesting if it had been Tom Hanks, and not some fictional courier guy, who was stranded in Castaway?

Monkey Pornography

Did you hear that some scientists have proven that monkeys like to watch porn? They found that monkeys will give up their juice rations to see images of female monkey butts and the faces of dominant males (they likened that to an interest in paparazzi) on computer screens. Does this mean that there will soon be monkey porn sites on the web?

Same-sex Marriage

I am dismayed by the results of the recent National Post/Global survey that found 66% of Canadians favour the "traditional" definition of marriage. Can we really be that insensitive? This is a basic human rights issue. I know a lot of gay people, and I am upset by these results. Of course, you never know who the Post interviewed. No mention of who the survey group was comprised of is mentioned. Maybe it was National Post readers. That group is not representative of the Canadian population.

Technorati tags: movies, Million Dollar baby, Tom Hanks, Morgan Freeman, monkeys, pornography, same-sex marriage

I'm Not Here

I'll be at a conference for the next three days, so don't expect anything new from me.

New Template; New Comments

Haloscan comments disappear after 4 months and I am too cheap to pay their fee. So, I decided to go with Blogger Comments, but I couldn't get them to work with my last template, so I changed it. And then, I started putting all of the comments back (manually) and then suddenly, Blogger tells me that comments have been disabled for each post I try to add comments to. So, the short story is that a good number of pithy comments, and my even pithier replies, are now gone. What a pithy... I mean pity.

By the way, did anyone notice that the Blogger spell-checker no longer works?

Technorati tags: comments, Blogger, Haloscan

I had a strange conversation with a guy in a photo shop recently when I dropped off some film to be developed. He got chatty and decided to ask me what I do. When I told him that I am a librarian, he said, "no you're not, you're an archivist." People don't often argue with me about what my title is. I assume that they will accept my word for it: not this guy.

Oddly, he pronounced archivist incorrectly. He said the word archive, followed by ist, if you know what I mean. I guess I had a perplexed look on my face, for he repeated what he had told me: I am not a librarian, I am an archivist (pronounced incorrectly).

I may never be able to go back to that place again.

Technorati tags: librarians

Zep

I started writing this three days ago, and then I got sidetracked.

As a kid, I was hassled a lot for admiring Led Zeppelin. Partly, it had to do with the fact that I once wore a Led Zeppelin t-shirt on school picture day. Somehow, I completely forgot about the pictures. If you have a class picture with a kid in a Zeppelin t-shirt, that might be me. My brother, almost ten years older than me, had some influence on my music choices. And so, I was well-armed to deal with the disco invasion. When my other brother, just 1 & a half years older, put on Gloria Gaynor or the Bee Gees and others, I turned up Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath.

Today, I can say that I still enjoy Led Zeppelin, more so than other bands of that era. I think the music has aged well. The Rolling Stones are boring, save for a few songs scattered here and there. I never liked The Who very much. I like LZ for several reasons. It has fantastic rhythm and some really excellent drumming. It's music to have sex to, seriously.

A few friends wonder how I can reconcile liking Led Zeppelin with the more avant-garde selections in my collection, like Steve Reich and Philip Glass. For some reason, I have appreciated this band even as I passed through various musical phases, like punk, New Wave, the Neo ska revival, post-rock, minimalism, etc.

But, I have to add that Stairway to Heaven sucks. Sorry to those who like this song, but it really awful. Oh, and I hate heavy metal, and I don't think it's fair to blame Zeppelin for that blight, as some people do.

The Office

The Office is coming to the USA in the form of a re-make. It is clear that the US networks have run out of ideas. I don't really mind the fact that it is being re-made; it just bugs me that many people will never see the original, which, no doubt, will be far superior.

Alias

Speaking of being out of ideas, I wonder how many people noticed that they borrowed heavily from a Kurt Vonnegut novel in the last episode?

Technorati tags: Led Zeppelin, music, TV, The Office, Alias, Kurt Vonnegut

Retreat!

I was on a "retreat" yesterday. In my humble opinion, a retreat implies that one must retreat from one's place of employment. The last retreat was about 50 metres away. This one was maybe two kilometres. That, ladies and gentlemen, is not a retreat. There was no retreating. We didn't retreat. We just moved ourselves a small distance away. That was an all-day meeting. If you are really going on a retreat, I feel that you need the following:

a chalet or lodge
fireplace
skis, snowshoes, etc.
hot apple cider
large screen television
an open bar
hot tubs/sauna/swimming pool
billiards table/dart boards, etc.
and a place far enough away that you can't arrive via the TTC!

Needless to day, it was a bit brutal. Long meetings are always brutal. What's worse is that there are more to come.

Technorati tags: work, retreats

Last night, we watched Rabbit-Proof Fence. This is one of those stories I just can't believe is true. Up until 1970, the Australian government had an evil program to remove "half-caste" children from their families and put them in some sort of boarding school with nuns in order to civilize them. In other words, they produced a new social class of domestic servants. It is shocking.

The soundtrack, by Peter Gabriel (which has been in my collection for a while) is very good. I have managed to amass a collection of over 1100 CDs. The challenge, then, is to find time to listen to them. Every once in a while, I dig up something that has fallen out of rotation or I had just forgotten about. Sometimes, I even stop listening to whole artists. I remember being a huge Bob Mould fan. I collected all of his music, saw him in concert, and then stopped listening for a while. I have added old Sugar albums to my MP3 player, and have been walking around with Beaster playing, featuring some fine aggressive guitar noise by Bob. I think Sugar were better than Husker Du. I am going to add Workbook to my player tonight, if my computer doesn't crash yet again.

Technorati tags: movies, Rabbit-Proof Fence, music, Bob Mould

At the risk of portraying myself as some sort of TV addict, which I am not --we don't even have cable and get only a handful of snowy channels -- I'll mention a few things about stuff I have watched recently. But first, I just have to say that there are too many awards shows. The only one I ever watch is the Academy Awards, and I am certain that the Academy rarely honors the best in film. I mean, Angelina Jolie won an Oscar! She might deserve an Oscar for looking good, but not for acting. And so, I flipped past the so-called People's Choice Awards. If it is really People's Choice, shouldn't the people get a chance to vote on all shows, and not just the nominees? How is it that there were only three nominees for each category?

And so, on to Alias, a show I have watched religiously since it came on the air. I hate the new title sequence because it tries to sell the show on one aspect, that being the costume changes of the Sid. If I saw that opening, and didn't know what the show was about, I would keep on flipping. But, it's all a ratings move anyway, which is why the American network moved it to Wednesdays after Lost, but, for some incomprehensible reason, CTV is showing it at 4:00 pm on Sunday. Surely that is a ratings hole.

Scanning

I have been scanning like mad. Photos, that is. I got a ton of old photos from my mother and I have been scanning, identifying, and organizing. It's a big job. It turns out that there is only one baby photo of me, and it is blurry. I was the fourth kid, so I guess my parents gave up. Photos of me start showing up again when I am 3 years old. This is not good, but there is nothing I can do about it now. I was a damn cute three year old, but for some reason, I look sad in almost all of the photos. I think I was a sad kid.

Microsoft

I am thinking of sending a memo to Microsoft with a very simple request. I want to ask if they can create a patch that will stop Windows from crashing! It's driving me crazy. I plug in my MP3 player to my USB port, and it crashes. I scan photos, and it crashes (thankfully, not all of the time). I try to copy music files to my hard drive and it crashes. This is a brand new computer with a gig of RAM and a 120 Gig hard drive. It is a top-of-the-line Dell. Maybe they are too busy writing security patches to make time for something as simple as this.

Technorati tags: TV, awards shows, Alias, photography, Microsoft

We watched Medium, the new show with Patricia Arquette. Maybe it's my recent purchase of Millennium on DVD, but I think this show is sort of a rip off. Even the title font looks the same: Medium is rendered as MediuM (at least it did on the pilot), just as MillenniuM had a final larger M. Medium even commenced (at least the pilot did) with a loud drum note, just like Millennium. This is not to mention the other obvious similarities. But enough of television. It's a black hole and it sucks up too much free time.

What's up with Jacob Richler? I read his anti-green box rant in yesterday's National Post. What a spoiled brat. But, I guess I should expect that kind of attitude from the right wing.

Technorati tags: TV, Medium, Millennium, Patricia Arquette, Jacob Richler

Self Portrait #1

Technorati tags: self portraits, photography

Well, I have been back to work for four days (almost) and I have accomplished very little. I have a serious lack of motivation, and I can't really say why that is. I should have taken a whole month off for a psychological recharge.

New music:

Fly Pan Am - Sédatifs en Fréquences et Sillons

I would describe this music as instrumental splendor.

Rufus Wainwright - Want Two

This album is simply quite excellent and it has a bonus live DVD, which I have not yet watched.

Technorati tags: music, Fly Pan Am, Rufus Wainwright

I forgot to mention Whale Rider. We saw it too. It was ok, but I didn't love it. I do think that Keisha Castle-Hughes is really quite good in that film.

Today is the day that Season Two of Millennium comes out on DVD. I have been re-watching Season One on DVD, and can report that it is just as good the second time around. It is a tragedy that Fox cancelled this show. It is, in my opinion, the best dramatic show of the 1990s. It is dark and creepy and brilliant. I have come to the conclusion that Fox really has no idea what it is doing. After all, they cancelled The Family Guy only to bring it back once they realized that they goofed. They cancelled The Lone Gunmen and Harsh Realm without even giving them a chance. Then there's Firefly and Futurama. It's a miracle that the X-Files was kept on air in the early years when few people were watching it. Let's hope that Arrested Development stays on the air.

Technorati tags: movies, Whale Rider, Millennium, Fox

Ever since I found out that Santa Claus doesn't exist, Christmas has been somewhat anti-climactic. I still remember the day my sister led me to my parents' bedroom closet and showed me all of the gifts piled up on a shelf. It was the end of the innocence.

This year, once again, I ended up in rural Ontario, where my family is from. It's so unlike the city: it is snowier and much more conservative. It's like taking a step backwards in time. I have learned to keep some opinions to myself, or risk arguments. It's a strange land out there. Some of my relatives actually said that they are afraid of going to Toronto.

I saw some films during the break.

Meet the Parents really really stinks. Who likes this kind of adolescent humour? I wanted to turn it off, but decided to stick it out until the last ridiculous minutes. If you think the name Gaylord M. Focker is funny, this film is for you.

The Treasure of the Sierra Madre is a really excellent film. It stars Humphrey Bogart and is directed by John Houston. If you haven't seen it, you should. And, I learned something about prospecting-not enough to make me rich or become the centre of attention at a cocktail party, but something.

Woody Allen's Zelig is quite ingenious and terribly funny. It's a classic mockumetary. How is it that I missed it when it came out?

Spider (not Spiderman) is excellent. Ralph Fiennes has, perhaps, the fewest lines ever in a leading role. He just mumbles. It has a plot twist that you might figure out early, but even if you do, it doesn't ruin the film. It is depressing, but quite interesting.

I really enjoyed The Decline of the American Empire, even though I had to take my suspension of disbelief to a much higher level. How is it that Remy, an obese and unattractive man, managed to have seduced so many women? It makes no sense.

The last movie I saw was televised. It was the bizarrely popular My Big Fat Greek Wedding, or, as I like to call it My Big Fat Obnoxious Unfunny Movie. Whoever said that this was a comedy? Not only is it not funny, it is boring, badly written, badly acted, and badly directed. I can't even believe that is had a theatrical release. It looks so made-for-tv. There is zero chemistry between the lead characters. I mean absolutely zero. It just looked so contrived. Not to mention that the guy (John Corbett, I think) was so miscast. He is a reasonably attractive man, but the woman just did not fit with him. I mean, she is almost cross-eyed. OK, so I am being a little harsh here. The final word is, I can't believe I wasted two hours of my life on such crap.

And, what's with the advertisements? Every ten minutes on CBC, we get a barrage of ads at a volume significantly higher than the movie. It makes me mute. If they really want me to see the ads, then they should balance the volume levels for me. On CITY TV, they do something equally hideous. At first, the movies have long breaks, just to get you hooked. Towards the end, one has to endure ad breaks every 7 or 8 minutes. It really sucks. Oh, and I think I will have to boycott Canadian Tire because of their obnoxious jingle, "I'll start with you." Yuck.

Happy New Year to you.

Technorati tags: Christmas, relatives, movies, Meet the Parents, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, Zelig, Spider, The Decline of the American Empire, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, CBC, CITY-TV

Short blogging vacation.

I'll be quiet until January 3rd, or maybe later.

Well, Christmas is coming and I thought that I should announce what gifts I am giving to all of you who read this blog, even the ones who are too shy to comment. I will be making a donation in your name to the Human Fund. Happy Festivus.

Technorati tags: Christmas, Human Fund

One day, the Noriega look-alike gave me roses. I think we were coming back from some horrible fast food joint, like Subway. He stopped at a street vendor selling flowers out of large white buckets. You know these people: they get dropped off in the morning, almost thrown out of the back of a white van in strange and no-so-strange places. I didn't know who Little Noriega was buying roses for, but then it all became clear. He turned, a smile coming into to pock-marked face, handed them to me, and then ran away. Seriously. It was almost a sprint. He said something like: "don't say anything."

There I was, standing downtown with a dozen roses given to me by a man who thought that I was his boyfriend (despite the fact that I was clearly interested in women). Anyway, I took the flowers back to my office where a co-worker said: "oh, those need water." He busied himself getting a vase and arranging the flowers. It occurred to me that perhaps he needed the boyfriend.

The next day, Noriega came by and read to me a personal ad had been planning to submit to a paper. He claimed that there was no longer any need, since he had met me. I corrected him and told him that he had jumped to conclusions. In fact, I wrote it down, since I wanted something on paper, given that we worked for the same employer. I worried that he would stalk me. He did show up a few times, but he finally got the picture. The worst part was really enduring Water World on the big screen. The rest was simply an irritation.

Technorati tags: relationships

$5 Coffee, Manuel Noriega look-alike, and Kevin Costner....

I am trying to remember when I capitulated, just when it was that I decided that spending $5 on coffee was OK. Yesterday's trip to Starbucks, which happens very infrequently, mind you, amounted to $5.12 for a grande-decaf-soy-no-whip-cafe mocha (laugh if you must). Back in the day, when I consumed caffeine, cow's milk, and gluten, I could get a coffee and a muffin for far less than that price. Yikes. It's a good thing I am not addicted.

Bizarrely, this reminds me of an incident from several years back, wherein a man made the moves on me. I'm not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). Even if I was, the guy looked far too much like Manuel Noriega for my comfort. Before I knew what was happening, we had been to see Water World. I can't really say why I agreed to go. I put it down to my generally congenial nature. The movie sucked, but I am sure you all know that. Why is Kevin Costner permitted to make anymore movies. I mean, why do they give this man money? Quite honestly, I think I could make a better movie than Mr. Costner.

By the way, the Manuel Noriega look-alike then laid a huge guilt trip on me (after I clarified things), claiming that he was in love with me. He told me that he increased his anti-depressant intake and that he would surely fail an upcoming medial licensing exam.

Recently, I have begun to wonder if my choice of profession has caused people to make assumptions about me. I am not gay, but I am thin and neat. I have lots of gay friends. My father is gay (no, not really).

See: part two of this saga.

Technorati tags: Starbucks, movies, Kevin Costner, relationships

Wait, I did see one movie recently, on the tele. It was the abysmal About a Boy, starring Hugh Grant. I decided to watch it because I had read the book. I read About a Boy after reading High Fidelity, which was ok, but the movie didn't impress me much. Why John Cusack? He has a mouth like a black hole. His default expression is an "o" shaped mouth, if you know what I mean. He looks mentally challenged, in other words. And people think he is attractive?

I have to admit that I don't mind Hugh Grant too much, although I don't think he is good looking by any means, especially in About a Boy. His hair, in that movie, is far too pugnacious. Anyway, he always plays the same character, which works somehow. I laughed through the fist half of Notting Hill, but the remainder was lame. Who would fall in love with Julia Roberts; she has a mouth like a two-car garage (if you don't believe me, read this).

The boy cast to play Marcus in About a Boy was well-chosen. Somehow, they managed to find a kid with a face like a jack-o-lantern.

Technorati tags: movies, Hugh Grant, John Cusack, Julia Roberts

Sleep!

Finally, we have justification for sleeping-in. Two studies have reported that people who do not get enough sleep tend to eat more. Finally, we have a diet based on sleep. This explains my slim body type. Now, we just need confirmation that sex keeps one's weight down.

Technorati tags: sleep

Suddenly, the Rolex spam has become Movado, Dior, and Roger Dubuis spam. Oddly, the sig line of the guy who sent one message identifies himself as "rat-catcher." I think he is the rat. At least these messages are not profane, like others I have received recently. I can't even include the subject lines here without offending someone or making others blush.

I have been neglecting this blog recently. It seems like so much work just to login.

I haven't seen any movies recently. I am half way through Some Great Thing by Colin McAdam. It's OK, but it's not as good as some of the reviews would have you believe. I no longer trust reviews, although I have to say that the review of Eleanor Rigby (by Douglas Coupland) in the Star recently was right on. This link to the review will probably expire soon.

You can tell that this is a slow news day. Oh, today is National Cotton Candy Day, but I am not sure which nation it applies to. I'm just waiting for the National Chocolate Covered Anything Day.

Technorati tags: spam, reading, Colin McAdam, Douglas Coupland

It's been a sad week. The tragic stabbing incident has been hard to take because we knew these people. I can't really write more than that today.