Lemon and Lime

Finally, 30 Rock is back on the air. Of all the shows I watch, and that is not many, I missed 30 Rock the most. It might be the funniest show on TV right now, and its return to air with the MILF Island storyline was hilarious. (Hint: if you are not sure what a MILF is, you might want to look here, but be warned that it is an adult term). In the bad news department, I took this quiz and discovered that I am most like Liz Lemon. And I thought I would have been most like Jack Donaghy.

Anyway, moving from Lemons to Limes, I finally saw The Third Man. It's a stylish, paranoid thriller. The British Film Institute voted it the best British film of the 2oth Century. I don't know enough about British films to agree or disagree, but I would have to say that it is a great story with there was some solid acting and fantastic cinematography. And, let's not forget the fine performances from the dog and the cat.

Harry Lime: Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.

New Job and Caffeine

As I mentioned previously, I have a new job (same place, new responsibilities). The only problem is that I am retaining my old job until someone can take over my old job, and I have no idea when that will be. So, I am doing two jobs and I feel a bit schizophrenic.

So, today I had the gluten-free and vegan chocolate cake at Tinto on Roncesvalles Ave. This is amazing cake. It tastes the like the real deal. The trouble is that the server gave me coffee with caffeine, and I feel like I have been given uppers. Since I avoid caffeine, it has a serious effect on me. Right now, I feel like I could write a novel in an hour or so. The caffeine also explains why I am posting on a weekend. It also means that I will not get much sleep tonight, and I will be sleepy tomorrow. I hate it when that happens.

Flickr Video

I have to confess that I am a little dismayed that Flickr is now accepting videos. If that is not enough, videos are appearing in Explore pages mixed in with the photographs! This is chaos. I love video and I think that YouTube is great, but Flickr is not YouTube and YouTube is not Flickr.

By the way, why isn't YouTube called YourTube or MyTube?

Yahoo! - who owns Flickr - already has a video sharing site, so why do we need Flickr videos mixing it up with a distinctly different art form? At least they have instituted a policy that users only upload videos that they have created and the vids must be shorter than 90 seconds. Still, I am not fooled by Flickr's description of videos as "long photographs."

So far, the videos that I have seen are not that good, but I did view a couple of good ones. Maybe I will change my mind if I ever decide to make some videos. I have already received invitations to join video groups even though I have no videos to share.

I do like this one, though:



I am drying off after my rainy ride in this morning.

Do the Test

I think that posting a video is kind of cheating, because it is not a real post. Nevertheless, this is really cool, and anyone who is a cyclist or an automobile driver ought to watch it. Thank you to Maia for telling me about this one.



Oddly, I am locked out of my email account this morning. It gives me a certain degree of peace, but also a bit of anxiety.

Free Tibet

I have never been in favour of Olympic boycotts. I feel terrible for those athletes who have trained for years for a chance to compete. The US-led boycott of the 1980 Moscow Olympics was really sad, and the 1984 Soviet-block boycott of the LA Olympics was dumb retaliation. There have been other boycotts as well, and I think that they had very little impact, except on the athletes.

There has been some pressure on world leaders to boycott the opening ceremonies, but I don't think that goes far enough. I would hope that all athletes boycott the ceremonies as well.

I have to say that I am really amazed that China was selected as the host nation given its occupation of Tibet. The ecology and integrity of Tibet is being completely destroyed. Of course, we can't forget China's relations with Sudan, but that is another huge topic.

* * *

I cycled to work in the pouring rain this morning. Because of some limited rain gear, I have wet feet. My rain pants kept my pants dry, but it soaked though my coat. I hate it when that happens.

Down with 8 Glass of Water per Day

Finally, people are beginning to recognize that it is dumb to drink 8 glasses of water per day, something that I could never do anyway. Two kidney experts argue that such a practice has no benefits and may, in fact, be harmful to some people. Boy, this sounds like a news report. The kidney dudes conclude that drinking all of this water:

does not suppress appetite
does not flush toxins from your body
does not reduce headaches
does not improve your skin
(the research article was published in the American Journal of Physiology)

In 1945, the U.S. Food and Nutrition Board advised people to imbibe 8 glasses of fluids every day. This recommendation has always puzzled me because our bodies tell us when to drink. We get thirsty and we drink. Trying to force all of that water down one's throat is unpleasant and stupid. Besides, we get fluids from the things we eat, fruit, vegetables, etc.

We don't need to port around bottles of water, or worse, those Nalgene-type polycarbonate bottles that contain Bisphenol-A (BPA), an endocrine disruptor.

* * * * *

Oh, and in other news, I have a new job. Same place - different job.
So, there's work to be done.

Another Conversation with my Daughter

In the bath, she told me how a boy who used to sit behind her kept pulling her hair. They are both 6 years old.

Daughter: Does anyone pull your hair in class?
Me: I am at work all day, and I only have one class - my French class - on Thursdays.
Daughter: But, does anyone pull your hair in French class?
Me: No ... well, not so far.
Daughter: Are there any pretty girls in your class?
Me: Yes, I think so.
Daughter: What are their names?
Me: I am not sure I can remember all of their names.

I told her (en français) that my French prof is from France.

Daughter: He's from France! Wow, that must be so cool. He must be really good at making pasta.
Me: Pasta is an Italian dish.
Daughter: It is?
Me: Yes, but my French prof can speak Italian and Spanish too.
Daughter: Well, maybe you can go to Paris and have pizza.

The End of Jericho

So that's it for Jericho. I thought the show was OK, but the ratings killed it. It's too bad really, but networks are constantly killing off good shows and pumping out garbage.

Essential Links

I am off to a very long meeting that will last most of the day, so, I present a list of essential links for the John-obsessed, following on from yesterday's post. By the way, I think I should mention that I thought that Mr. Cusack was really good in Being John Malkovich. It was his best performance. Other than that, meh.

John @ Wikipedia
John @ IMDB
A John Fan Club - seems like it's free to join
Another John Fan Club - this guy is popular
John @ HuffPost - blog posts written by the man himself

OK, that ought to be enough to get you started. Have a nice Friday.

The Coming of Apokalupsis Eschaton

Here are more signs that the end is near.

1) Mariah Carey has surpassed Elvis in number of #1 hits. Only the Beatles have had more #1 hits. If she ever does pass the Beatles, the end of the world will be upon us.

2) Someone came into the library yesterday wearing a tiara. A friend of mine wore a tiara at her wedding. My daughter has had several in her collection of dress-up paraphernalia. I know I have seen pageant queens wearing them, but I can't remember the last time I saw someone walking around campus wearing one.

3) A woman has been charged with stalking John Cusack! WTF! Why on earth would anyone want to stalk John Cusack? By the way, John was in Toronto yesterday.

There are more signs, but I have to run to a meeting now...

Bovinae


Some cattle, photographed by my mother when she was very young, with a Kodak Brownie Hawkeye. I prevented my mother from selling the camera in a lawn sale, and it's been in my possession every since. The trouble is that it was damaged some years ago.

After scanning close to 1000 of my mother's old photos, I am forced to consider the possibility that she is partly responsible for my love of photography. I am also forced to recognize that advancing technology killed any photographic skill she may have had. Most of her early photos were taken with a medium format camera, as you can see from the photo above. I love big square negatives much more than the 35 mm variety.

She dumped her clumsy camera for one of those compact cameras that used 110 cartridge film. The first kind used disposable flash cubes, and later ones had a built-in flash. This led, of course, to colour balance problems, grain, and generally bad photos and, eventually, red-eye. When I was eight or nine years old, I was gifted with a Kodak Instamatic 126, which was not much better.

Anyway, I like the cows.

Looking for a Good Home

In light of some circumstances beyond my control, I need to find new homes for my small family of Fawn and White Indian Runner Ducks. You can get photos and standards here for this breed of duck.

The patriarch, Jack, is a fine example. He is lean with a perfect wedge-shaped bill. He stands 75 inches tall and has full, alert, and bright eyes. His partner, Jill, has tight, smooth, and hard feathers, and stands a very straight 66 inches from bean to toe. Their children, Wanda and Richard, are joyful, playful, and loving. These guys will do you well in the show pen.

If I can't find a new home for them, I will be forced to find room for them in my freezer and then practice my French cookery skills. I found a very nice recipe for Duck a l'orange.

I am offering these fine birds on a first-come, first-served basis. I will also hand over all of my copies of IRDA newsletters.

Ringo has a Really Big Nose

My daughter, almost 7 years old, has a growing fondness for the Beatles, largely because she recently watched Help! She loved the madcap adventures of the four motley gentlemen from Liverpool very much. But, I now have a suspicion that she thinks Ringo is called Ringo because he was in possession of the sacrificial ring in that film.

We sat down and had a look at some Beatles clips on Youtube and had a wide ranging discussion of all things Beatles. Mostly, she wanted to know who sang what and why didn't Ringo sing more songs. That is not a complex question, but diplomacy won out in the end. I didn't want to slight Ringo in any way. But, then she said that Ringo is a really good drummer, perhaps the best she's ever heard, aside from the drummer in the Doodlebops, perhaps.

I resisted the urge to pass on my favourite John Lennon quote, which was his reply to an interviewer's question as to whether Ringo is the best drummer in the world.

John said: "He's not even the best drummer in the Beatles." Oh, so cutting and so true.

My daughter went on to ask:

"Why does George look depressed?" Hmmm, does he? I thought she would have said something about his ears.

"Why was John shot?" Now that is a tough question, and I really didn't answer it very well. I hardly knew what to say. I remember that day as clearly as it was yesterday, but I am not sure anyone could really answer that question, especially when the person asking is so young and innocent.

I wondered if she was so fond of Ringo because she knows that John and George are dead. Perhaps she is subconsciously aware of the McCartney-Mills fiasco, and so Ringo appears to be the least damaged, but then we did a quick Google image search and she read a caption beneath a photo of Ringo and said "Ringo had a second wife?" Maybe the infatuation died there, because she followed that with "Ringo has a really big nose!"

Killer Coke

Killercoke.org is a fascinating site. Just make sure you don't type killercoke.com, or you'll end up in a corporate Coca Cola site. There is a quick re-direct to cokefacts.org that most web surfers would not even notice. This stinks, if you ask me, because I am sure that Coca-Cola would never permit anyone to redirect traffic from a URL that is almost identical to coca-cola.com to any other web site.

I hope everyone turned their lights out for the hour between 8:00 and 9:00 PM.

Lisa and Brian and Helen and John and Anne and George

It turns out that your name can say a lot about you. Some dude named Richard Wiseman collected the opinions of 6000 people on names and it turns out that some names are poorly perceived. The Name Experiment came to these conclusions:

Least successful: Lisa and Brian

Least lucky: Helen and John

Least attractive: Ann and George

I think this is silly. What about Burritt or Laksmono or Abundie or Nattapong? What about Pornwadee or Thembisa or Berneatha or Mistymarie? You can't tell me that Rupert is more attractive than George or that Chastity is more successful than Lisa.

But, I just realized that this survey happened in the UK, so it all makes sense. Happy Friday.

The Bible is Dumb and so is the New Testament

"He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD." -- Deuteronomy 23:1

"When a man strikes his male or female slave with a rod so hard that the slave dies under his hand, he shall be punished. If, however, the slave survives for a day or two, he is not to be punished, since the slave is his own property." Exodus 21:20-21.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:22-24.

Yup. there are pages and pages of dumb statements in both books. I'd go on, but I have things to do and this would take all day.

New Music

Some music currently in rotation on my MP3 player or stereo:

1) Feu Thérèse - I have been spinning their latest, Ça Va Cogner, and am quite enjoying the dark pop mayhem.

"The Feu Therese mandate of knitting critical and non-conformist elements right into their song structures, instead of having these 'collide' with the music as if from outside, has reached a new level of bizarre sublimation on their new record."

2) Metric - Old World Underground, Where Are You Now? I really like Dead Disco. Metric might best be described as 21st Century New Wave.

3 & 4) Hrsta - Ghosts Will Come And Kiss Our Eyes, a "collection of gently foreboding psych-folk" and L'éclat du ciel était insoutenable - "infused with endless waves of psilocybin pathos..."

5 & 6) Hangedup - Kicker in Tow and Clatter for Control are the 2nd and 3rd releases from this Montreal-based viola & drum duo. Both are sublime.

"On [Kicker in Tow], they prove themselves one of the most powerful, hypnotic and relentless duos currently mining the subterrain of instrumental avant rock. Genevieve Heistek's amplified viola screams through a propulsive blend of drones and doublestops, while Eric Craven's drumming spurts and hisses like an ornate, early-industrial steam engine."

On Clatter for Control "Gen's bi-amplified viola rig, linked to a live audio looper, creates a vortex of jigs, reels and air-raid drones, pummeled along by some of the heaviest polyrhythmic skinbeating we've ever heard."

More later, maybe.

Ailing

My mother isn't dying, exactly. She probably has a good deal of life left in her, but you'd never know it to look at her. She's not old, really, but she looks it. Still recovering from a broken hip, she lies in a bed in a home because her mother, about to turn 89, can't look after her and will probably end up in some sort of retirement home herself.

I didn't ask if she is still wearing Depends and I didn't stay long enough to find out for myself, but I did wonder about the mixture of smells emanating from the facility. It was like the smell old, mixed with chicken soup, feet, and disinfectant.

The kids and I hovered by the end of the bed while I tried to communicate with her. No, she isn't quite sure how her hip was fixed, whether the surgeons used pins or not. No, she is not sure when she will be able to give up her walker, or when she will be able to walk farther than a few feet without assistance. "They tell me I'll be able to walk again," but she didn't sound very sure of her statement.

In the room she shares with three other women, there were two TVs competing with each other. The kids, not accustomed to the sight of people slowly dying, turned their gazes to the closest TV and watched a women in the final stages of labour, ultimately giving birth to a baby in a birthing pool. The scenes were tastefully done, but an old woman asked me pointedly if they should be watching such as thing as a woman having a baby. Imagine the nerve. Of course they can watch, I retorted, but I wish I had been blunter. She ambled past me in her walker, out to catch some excitement in the common room, I presume.

After 40 minutes, I could not longer resist the pleas to leave (but part of that probably had to do with the upcoming Easter egg hunt), and I had to admit that any longer might do psychological damage to me as well. We set off the door alarm on the way out, just as we did upon arrival.

My mother is on a waiting list for a bed in a home close to my sister's house. A bed should be free in two to four months, or, as soon as someone dies.

Easter Monday

According to Wikipedia, which is occasionally wrong, "Easter Monday is an official holiday in the following countries:" The list that follows includes Canada. Wrong again, Wikipedia. I am at work today, right now on Easter Monday. Banks, the government, and schools observe Easter Monday as a holiday, but the vast majority of people in Canada have to work.

It's terribly sad, I know, and I would much prefer to be at home, shoveling what I hope is the last snow of the winter.

Stop Whining

Anne Murray, who had turned her back on the Juno Awards for years and years, until she was admitted to the Juno Hall of Fame, is upset that she was left off the ballot for best album. So, now we have six nominees instead of five, leading her to state that: "The person who is not supposed to be in there could conceivably win." So what? The whole awards process stinks anyway. Imagine a system where the nominees are chosen simply based on sales? I can assure that the top five best selling albums are generally not even close to the best albums of the year.

This year, the nominees for Album of the Year include the screaming Celine Dion, the woman who has a voice like Mac Truck and a face like an Afghan Hound. I have never ever seen the appeal of her ear-wrenching noise. Worse, she has two albums in the running. If there is any justice, the award should go to Feist. She deserves it.

Maybe Anne Murray should win a Juno...in the category of best music for nursing and retirement homes. You know, music for geriatrics, the infirm, the incontinent, and the nearly dead.

Fire Destroys Bush Presidential Library

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost.

Presidential spokesman Ari Fleischer said the president was devastated, as he had not yet finished coloring the second one.

Dirty Butts

Chances are that someone reading this post is a smoker. That's OK. You can smoke. I don't really care, unless you are polluting my air, as my mother did for my entire childhood. I have vivid memories of being ferried around in our car filled with smoke and being unable to roll down the window in winter. Our house stank of smoke. My clothes always stank of smoke. I hated it.

Now, I have a question for those of you who do smoke, and that is why do so many smokers flick their butts onto the ground? In my opinion, that is littering. I realize that not all smokers do this, but it is clear that many do, as evidenced by a photograph in The Fixer's column in yesterday's Toronto Star. Yup, that's a mound of disgusting cigarette butts. It can take up to 15 years for these butts to decay, and while they do, they release toxic crap. Worse, it seems to me that many smokers expect someone else to pick up after them. I would be very surprised if these same smokers throw their butts on their own property or leave them on their living room floors. Why do they think it's OK to throw them on the sidewalk?

At my place of employment, there are large "no smoking within so many feet" signs that absolutely no one pays any attention to. Smokers light up right under them, or they huddle in the doorways to the building and we non-smokers are forced to breathe in their foul effluence. And this, naturally, returns us to the question of second-hand smoke.

There was a time when I called myself a Joe Jackson fan. Those days are done. The man has his head up his ass if he thinks that second-hand smoke is harmless. His argument is an amazing display of intellectual collapse. It fails to cohere and he throws out opinions without any credible scientific fact to support them. Instead, he pokes holes in the articles that suggest that second-hand smoking is harmful, but this is done without sufficient scientific rigor. Mr. Jackson, if you want to attack the weight of the scientific evidence, you need a real study with real controls.

Jackson accuses those people advocating for a smoking ban in public spaces as being part of a "junk science bonanza"! Of course, this is all in defense of his addiction. Besides, even if it turns out that there is no conclusive proof that second-hand smoke is harmless (doubtful considering all of the chemicals in tobacco), I hate smelling like an ashtray after a night in the pub with friends. Thank god for the ban in Ontario. I am so happy that I can breath in bars and restaurants.

I worked as a bartender one summer during my undergrad and I swear the thick fog of smoke took years of my life. Mr. Jackson, if you are really pro-choice, as you say, then you would permit those who work in public places to have a choice too. I choose no smoke.

St. Patrick's Day

In honour of St. Patrick's Day, I present a brief list of Irish things that I like as well as an anti-list of things I don't like, right off the top of my head. I should point out that I have never been to Ireland, but a great grandmother was born there.

The Good List

1) The Pogues - some really fine music with some punk-like political outspokenness.

2) Van Morrison - "Morrison is widely considered one of the most unusual and influential vocalists in the history of rock and roll" (Wikipedia)

3) Irish (Gaeilge) - I like the sound of the language.

4) Stout - but I can no longer drink it :-(

5) The Craythur, or uisce beatha :-)

6) Leprechaun - I want one to show me the way to a pot-of-gold, or two.


The Anti-List

1) U2 - The Unforgettable Fire was OK, but I think that the Joshua Tree is the most over-rated album in the history of music. All-in-all, I find them to be a very mediocre group.

2) Riverdance - I can see the appeal of the tap dance, but not Riverdance: it's far too upright, or something. Same goes for Lord of the Dance.

3) Green - It doesn't really suit me, unless it's a mossy green.

4) Colm Meaney - The man can't act!

Time Travel

One of the things that has always irritated me about the concept of time travel is the idea that you could go back in time and alter the future. Back to Future is based on this principle, as are a good number of Star Trek episodes, as well as the entire Terminator franchise (movies and the TV series). I have always liked the idea of time travel, but the notion that you could somehow prevent your own birth perplexes me. I mean, if that were true, then you would never have been born in the first place. Surely you see what I mean.

My favorite comment on time travel is from Stephen Hawking, who said:

"So it might seem possible, that as we advance in science and technology, we might be able to construct a wormhole, or warp space and time in some other way, so as to be able to travel into our past. If this were the case, it would raise a whole host of questions and problems. One of these is, if sometime in the future, we learn to travel in time, why hasn't someone come back from the future, to tell us how to do it."

That's a damn good question, Mr. Hawking. He also notes that we have not been "over run by tourists from the future." Imagine meeting your great great great grandchildren. That would be screwed up. So, Hawking has already confirmed my belief that we cannot travel through time.

But, a new study argues that, if time travel does become possible, there will be certain constants that cannot be changed. So, as much as I'd love to travel back in time and prevent the invention of leaf blowers and stickers on fruits and vegetables, the new model for time travel suggests that this is not possible.

Before we talk about this new idea, I feel that I should point out that this so-called new model was my idea all along, but since I am not a theoretical physicist (well, not in the conventional sense), I could not attract any attention to it and no one would publish my idea because I could not support it with proper mathematical formulae.

Anyway, on to the "new" model:

"Researchers speculate that time travel can occur within a kind of feedback loop where backwards movement is possible, but only in a way that is 'complementary' to the present.

In other words, you can pop back in time and have a look around, but you cannot do anything that will alter the present you left behind."

I still don't believe we will ever be able to travel through time, but this model makes sense to me. So, take that Star Trek, and your stupid Temporal Prime Directive.

Zydeco Fish

Isn't this weird? Someone has made a video about me :-) It's even called Zydeco Fish.

A Conversation with a Driver

Have you ever had a conversation and later wished that you could redo it? I had one the other day, when a co-worker asked if I still cycled in the winter.

"Yes," I replied.

"Are you one of those cyclists who take up a entire lane?" she wanted to know. Man, her antipathy and fury towards cyclists was so complete, I thought she was going to lose it, but she added a meek laugh at the end to cover up her anger.

I said something like, "occasionally, we have to use the entire lane because of potholes, manhole covers, grates, ice, snow, etc. What I should have said is "are you one of those drivers who park or drive in the bike lane?"

And then, she asked, "are you one of those cyclists who swerve around cars?" I said something like, "I go around cars that are turning right, because it is safer, and I do pass cars that are driving slower than I am cycling. I pass taxis that are picking up or dropping off fares, because, otherwise, you might get doored."

What I should have said was "are you one of those drivers who opens your door without checking to see if there are bicycles coming? Are you one of those drivers who turn right in front of cyclists without shoulder-checking? Are you one of those drivers who pull over to the side of the road without shoulder-checking? Are you one of those drivers who get in their car to take a two minute drive to pick up milk or cigarettes from your corner store? Are you one of those drivers who is contributing to global warming while I freeze my face off in winter while I get some exercise?"

And, I just found this in the Highway Traffic Act:

Use of radio headphones prohibited

215 No driver of a motor vehicle or operator of a bicycle shall, while operating the motor vehicle or bicycle on a highway, wear, on both ears, headphones which are used for the purpose of listening to a radio or a recording.

So, Running42K, you are a law breaker.

Water, or Please don't Flush your Meds!

Some scary articles:

1) Tainted drinking water kept under wraps:

"When water providers find pharmaceuticals in drinking water, they rarely tell the public. When researchers make the same discoveries, they usually don’t identify the cities involved."

2) How meds in water could impact human cells:

"Our research shows mixtures are so prevalent,” said Dana Kolpin, a U.S. Geological Survey water expert who launched a plethora of research in 2002 after finding pharmaceuticals in most samples taken from 139 streams in 30 states. “If there are any cumulative or additive issues, you can’t just dismiss things so quickly.”

3) Pharmaceuticals lurking in U.S. drinking water:

"A vast array of pharmaceuticals — including antibiotics, anti-convulsants, mood stabilizers and sex hormones — have been found in the drinking water supplies of at least 41 million Americans, an Associated Press investigation shows."

4) How safe is your city's drinking water?:

"Some water systems said tests had been negative, but the AP found independent research showing otherwise. Both prescription and non-prescription drugs were detected."

5) Study finds pharmaceuticals common in Cdn water:

"Painkillers, anti-inflammatories and prescription drugs used to treat epilepsy and blood cholesterol were found in waters near sewage treatment plants across the country, according to the first Canadian study of the problem paid for in part by Environment Canada and obtained under the Access to Information Act."

Thou shall not pollute the Earth

In related news, the Vatican listed new sins recently, and it is interesting to note that one of the new sins is pollution. Flushing your unused medication is pollution. Take them back to the pharmacy, please.

Riders on the Storm

I think it was Wisconsin, home to Eric Forman, where it happened. Suddenly, dozens of tornadoes fell out of the sky: I sprinted to get my camera. I shot some amazing photos of tornadoes ripping up the state. I caught them forming, coming down, destroying, dissipating. Some even looked like mushroom clouds. Some where all white, some black and sinister.

In the distance, I saw a hot air balloon caught in the raging clouds, but accepted a companion's explanation that they were riding the storm. It was some sort of new extreme sport. Soon, the balloon came near, rising and falling like a giant yo-yo (speaking of which, I saw a clip on TV that suggested that the yo-yo was invented as a weapon, but the Wikipedia suggests otherwise). I was almost crushed by the gondola, but I managed to get an amazing photo of it from directly below with an enormous black funnel cloud looming above.

Just then, the tiger cub escaped and so did its lunch, which was a small colony of rats and mice. They scattered everywhere, perhaps alarmed by the storms. In despair, the apparent owner of the cub attached his pick up truck to a hot air balloon, intent on riding the storm in his F350. But, someone lassoed the escaped feline, and everything returned to normal, although the storms continued, inexorably.

Pillows and more on Last Chance U

They looked fluffy, and I was worried, but they flattened out nicely under the weight of my head. Oh, thank you Quality Hotel, thank you. You saved me from a stiff neck. Yes, that has been my curse: pillows that make it feel like I am sleeping on a concrete block; pillows that force my chin into my chest or force my head back so far when stretched out on my stomach, it feels like I am being given slow whiplash; pillows that cause major neck destruction, and every hotel has them, or so I thought. Who can sleep on a pillow that thick? It makes no sense at all. Do you walk around with some brace forcing your head into your chest? Of course not, so why should your pillow be 10 inches thick?

I have actually resorted to folding up towels and putting them in pillow cases to form pseudo-pillows in my hotel travels around North America. On other occasions, I have dispensed with the pillow entirely, like in Edmonton, where the room had 8 pillows, all of them part of a sinister terrorist plot to ruin my cervical vertebrae. The CIA might consider recruiting hotel pillows as part of its torture program against extrajudicial Al-Quaeda captives. I think such pillows would be more effective than waterboarding.

But, thanks to the Quality Hotel, I was able to get a good night's sleep and enjoy my conference at the U of Zero, as a colleague calls the U of O.

Back to the topic of Last Chance U, it could be Lakehead. I recall this university being derided when I was in high school, and so I did a brief web search and found this comment about Lakehead:

i can´t go on with saying that you are the worst in canada because i don´t know all of canadian universities. but i can say you are one of the suckiest in ontario.

you are down there with nipissing/windsor/laurentian. i would personally go to the baby university (uoit) than your crappy school. (link)

Maybe there are several last chance Us. Happy Friday, people.

Late Trains, Ex-Cons, and our own Mr. Bean

I am not sure if I am ever happy to be in Ottawa, especially not in winter. It's so freakin' cold in the nation's capital, which is probably why we have so many corrupt politicians. That kind of weather would make anyone sour and turn them criminal. Just ask our cab driver.

We hopped in a cab at the train station after an extra long train trip. Our four hour trip became five hours because of some delays, like a broken down train ahead of us. It is a little odd to be suddenly moving in reverse, tracking over ground we had already passed so that we could change tracks and skirt the dead train ahead. Anyway, we made it, somewhat later than we had planned. Then, we were off to the Ottawa Market were I had a salmon fillet that cost $29 plus two $8 glasses of Shiraz. Maybe that is why we have so many corrupt politicians.

Our taxi driver decided to be our personal tour guide, pointing our things like the RCMP Headquarters, the University of Ottawa/L’Université d’Ottawa, and the old jail. And then he added that "I did time there in '65." At least we knew it wasn't for murder, 'cause he'd have been locked up for a lot longer than that. He had tats all over both hands, and I assume over the rest of his body as well, which is odd because he looked so clean cut otherwise. I guess he has rehabilitated himself. I regret not asking what his crime was. Maybe he had been a corrupt politician?

And then it snowed again. It snowed a lot more.

* * *

Every time I travel with a certain colleague, he manages to be the source of immense amounts of unintentional hilarity. For one thing, he can sleep anywhere. He slept in the car most of the way back from Brock University (the real Last Chance U, if you ask me, even though Google thinks it's Carleton). He slept in the most uncomfortable chair I have ever seen while awaiting the beginning of a lecture at McMaster University. He managed to sleep for most of the train ride back from Ottawa, even after mentioning that he woke up at 3:00 AM the previous night. And, he blamed it on jet lag after his flight back from Shanghai, even though I assume that he must have slept the whole way back :-) The funniest thing is that he always puts on his coat and wears it like some sort of sleeping bag, with the hood pulled down over his face. I'd post a photo (which I have) but perhaps I better not do that.

Anyway, I can't give you a rundown of this man's hilariousness: that would consume way too much time and space, so I'll just leave you with one: when he stood up from our breakfast table at some dubious and curious breakfast & lunch chain, he managed to spill all of the water on the table, leaving us all baffled but laughing. It doesn't sound funny, but it was. I guess you had to be there.

* * *

I read most of Will Self's Dr. Mukti and Other Tales of Woe on the train ride to Ottawa. He's a good writer.

the snow is falling

since my left shift key is broken, i am forgoing capitalization.

the snow, perhaps the leading edge of another promised winter storm, is falling in ottawa. it makes me wonder if this will affect the train.

this wireless network at the hotel is anemic and it bumps me off every minute or two, so this will be a short post.

i have to get on my coat and trudge up to the university of ottawa, which some folks call 'last chance u." and i thought that was brock...

Jason Reitman

I was lucky enough to get a seat in a guest lecture given by Jason Reitman last Friday. Don't feel obligated to follow that link (g-d, I hate MySpace). As you know, he directed Juno. My lame ass pseudo-review is here. Don't feel obligated to follow that link either. My literary review of The Squid and the Whale is much better, as is my spectacular and totally hilarious restaurant review. I mean, those were real reviews, written for my reviewing class. Feel free to follow those links.

This dude is hilarious. (I hope I can use the word hilarious twice in one post. The word itself is hilarious). Jason clearly has a natural gift for comedy. His stories were funny and even his jokes were funny. I snapped a few photos during, but shied away from the post-lecture scrum in the lobby, although I did move in and take a couple of photos.

Too bad you missed it. If you ever get the chance to hear him speak, I suggest you go.

On a librarianish note, I was amused to hear him point out a factual error in a Wikipedia entry, not that I am a harsh critic of the site. As I always say, it needs to be approached cautiously, like when you are trying to walk through a mine field. I've said that before, right?

P.S. I am taking the train to Ottawa today. I'll be back to work on Thursday.

A Jerry Seinfeld Moment and Double-Dipping

On my way to a meeting last Thursday, I dropped my pen on the floor of the men's washroom. For a brief moment (perhaps a nanosecond) I considered picking it up, but I was suddenly horrified by what kind of bacteria might have attached itself to it in that short period of time. A recent study on the 5 second rule concluded that whatever bacteria is on the floor is immediately transferred to the object that has impacted the floor, but the authors note that there is far less bacteria on the floor than we expect, except in men's washrooms, to which I have already alluded.

So, I did what Jerry Seinfeld would do and left it where it landed. No, I don't consider that littering. I never litter. I knew that later, some custodial staff person (one day, robots will have this job) will come in to clean and refresh the supplies and this person will sweep up the pen and either throw it away or put it in his/her pocket. Either way is fine with me.

By the way, I dropped the pen at 9:55 AM, and it was still there at 5:00 PM, but it was gone the next morning.

In related news, a study* has concluded that Double-Dipping does indeed spread cooties. The study found that "for every time a bitten cracker went back into the bowl, hundreds, and probably even thousands of bacteria cells went with it." In other words, the dip becomes a bacterial soup. It makes me cringe. I am not, nor have I ever been, a double-dipper because, as Timmy said to George, "that's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip."

*To be published in the Journal of Food Safety, 2008.

February 30th

Did you know that February, in some calendars - like the Swedish Calendar (prior to 1753), the Soviet Revolutionary Calendar (which was ceased in 1931), and the Early Julian Calendar - occasionally had a February 30th? It all leads to me to wonder we don't have a more precise calendar. Of course, there are lots of examples of calendar reform, but I simply want to know how we can make summer longer in Canada. Moving the planet would be a good idea.

More importantly, I've broken my left shift key on my Toshiba laptop. This might mean that I will need to purchase a new keyboard, and they are not cheap. There is a company in the UK that sells single keys, but not for my model. At least the keys can be replaced, unlike some brands, where you must get a new keyboard. if you know of someone in Tdot that sells keys for Toshibas, please let me know.

Matt & Sarah & Ben & Jimmy

These two videos, in case you somehow missed them, are totally hilarious. That's all I'll say. Just have a look, if you like...or you can read yesterday's post, 'cause I like it very much.

George W. Bush vs. Dan Quayle

It's really amazing how my mind wanders when I am cycling. Some of my best ideas occur while cruising the streets. Here's an example from yesterday.

Somewhere on Bloor Street, I concluded that George W. Bush could take Dan Quayle in a wrestling match, but only if it were Greco-Roman style. In the WWE format, I predicted Dan would prevail, probably because he would bring out a chair and break it over Dubya's head. And, that made me wonder about other combative events:

Boxing - I'd put my money on Dubya. Single-mindedness is key, and Georgie has that in spades.

Pistols at Dawn - Bush, probably because Dan would run away and most likely trip and fall in the dirt.

Fencing - Quayle, because I think he has a touch of flamboyance that would suit this sport well and I think he is probably very light on his toes.

Kick Boxing - I'd predict a draw.

Judo (or other martial art) - Bush. In fact, I'd wager that George could split timber (and possibly concrete blocks) with his forehead.

Oration Contests - Like kick boxing, I predict a tie. I mean, who could decide between:

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
- The Quaylster

and

"Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."
- Dubya

Blog Scraping

I've had it with the blog scrapers. These people scrap (steal) the content of your blog, even if copyrighted - as mine is - and put in on their splogs for erectile dysfunction or casinos or other dubious ventures. It is the stolen content that gets people to these blogs and we don't get a cent of revenue. This practice is illegal.

It makes me wonder why I don't place ads for Viagra on my blog. I don't even have Google's AdSense, so it's not my thing, really. Sadly, SplogReporter is dead, so the best that you can do is flag the blog (if it belongs to Blogger), and hope that they can take it down.

Here is an example (and I refuse to provide the link to the thieves):

-ne The fact that Arthur Koestler has faded into relative obscurity, while contemporary authors, such as George Orwell, are well-known, has always baffled me. Some may remember that the Police used the title of Koestler's Ghost in the Machine for one of their albums.I had high hopes for David Cesarini's biography (Arthur Koestler: The Homeless Mind). While it does cover Koestler's life in detail (some of it excruciating), it renders Koestler as a sex-obsessed drunk and possibly a rapist. Edinburgh University moved his statue to a safer location, fearing vandals would deface it after having reading about Koestler's attitude to women.In hindsight, I regret not tallying the car crashes and the mistresses. It's probably the best book we will get on Koestler for a long time.Tags: Arthur Koestler, David Cesarini
link

tuxlallygggag Posted by interesting things at 11:46 PM

This was stolen, word-for-word, from my post (but they edited it down to only one paragraph). Sure, they provide a link back, but it is my content that brings people to their sites. I wish the web had a detonate or bomb button so I could blow up these blogs that are stinking up the web.

February 26, 1991

On this day in 1991, Tim Berners-Lee introduced the first graphical web browser, called WorldWideWeb. This is all great and, Lord knows, I appreciate the web immensely. My problem has always been with the letter W. How many times have we had to say double-u double-u double-u? This is one of the few times when I can see the wisdom of George W, when he says dubya, I mean, he has eliminated a whole syllable. Suddenly, my nine syllable utterance could be reduced to six, but I still can't bring myself to say it. A colleague simply says "world wide web" instead of the Ws. Damn the person who came up with this addressing nomenclature. This is a 3D map of the web, from http://www.opte.org/.

Peter Heater, Redux

I still wanted to believe, despite comments to the contrary on this post, that the notion of a Peter Heater was bizarre and rare. But, intrepid web searchers keep landing here in quest of "peter heater patterns" and "crocheted peter heater." Wow, dudes. It's true and I am wondering if I should be selling such patterns.

I am growing accustomed to the bizarre terms that bring people to this blog. All I have to do is use words like coprophagia and get a flood of traffic, especially if I couple the term with fetish or sex.

So, here is another review. It always makes me laugh:

china adult diaper ring
open slit diapers in china
best off the shelf adult diaper
females with bloody tampons
i'd rather pee in my adult diaper than use the toilet

See, crazy bodily function searches. And;

"second life" clitoris
nympho librarian
'Leather clad Bondage scene'
my sister hidden porn
masturbating with fish

Now, is that with fish, as in you invite a few fish friends over and watch each other, or is this using fish as an aid in the act? I did stumble upon my sister's porn collection once, and she was in it, so that scarred me for life.

WOMEN DISCUSS HOW FEMALE JANITORS GO INTO RESTROOMS WHILE MEN ARE USING THEM

Is that a fetish too?

fish dresses to ice skate in
fish that tastes like rubber
snack food shaped like a fish

Yup, the other more predictable fish searches, but I wonder why anyone would to find fish that tastes like rubber.

How to feather hair on the sides

There was a time when I could give you precise instructions, but those days are gone.

Oscars, Part 9

Oooooooh, the dead person part. I don't know most of these people but, of course, they ended with Heath Ledger.

And with that, I am going to bed... I tried to hang on longer, but I am tired and must get my beauty rest. Good night.

Oscars, Part 8

Renée Zellweger looks as if she has no eyes. What's with the perma-squint and the downcast look? She creeps me out.

Nicola Kidman looks like a mannequin. Seriously, she's all plasticy and yellow.

I don't understand Robert Boyle's white scarf. It makes him look a bit like Elvis in that famous come back concert, wherein he sweated a bit on each scarf and then gave the out to screaming ladies in the audience like it was manna from heaven. But, maybe Robert thinks he's about to pilot a plane somewhere.

I am attempting to determine my maximum stay up late time. I need a calculator...

Oscars, Part 7

Best Actress in a Leading Role: Quelle surprise! I didn't see that coming. Wow.

And another thing, when will the Academy recognize comedy? Serious films always win the major awards, to the detriment of some fine comedic performances. I can't think of any right now, but why are there no categories for comedy? I think they need to get on with that.

OK, so I forgot about the song from Once. I saw this film and really thought is was great, but Glen Hansard always looks pained when he sings (especially the chorus) and I worry that a coronary event is not too far off. He has the same beat-up guitar from the film. Cool.

Oscars, Part 6

Best Supporting Actress: I wonder when the Academy is going to stop using the word "actress." Is it not sexist, like the word poetess, or waitress, or stewardess? Anyway, Tilda Swinton looks more and more like a cross between Annie Lennox and David Bowie. Maybe it's partly because her dress makes her look like an android, or something.

OK, so we are three songs in out of five nominations, and I am not enjoying any of them. Why is movie music typically so bad?

Oscars, Part 5

OK, so tuxes with that shiny stripe down the leg are stupid. They are like classed up track pants. But, John Stewart's monologue was funny despite the pants, or maybe they helped?

Best Supporting Actor: Javier Bardem deserves this Oscar. His performance was fabulous and deeply disturbing. I wrote this post before it was announced that he won.

Oscars, Part 4

I have no idea if it's just me, but Hilary Swank seems to look a lot like Jamie Lee Curtis, but with bigger teeth. I have a craving for grapes... It's a good thing I have some.

Oscars, Part 3

I decided to skip the Barbara Walters special and now I discover that Regis Philbin is doing his red carpet thang. I have to say that Regis is a great name. I wish my parents had named me that. I am serious. If that isn't enough, his middle names are Francis Xavier. Astounding. What a lucky man.

A few observations:

- John Travolta's hair looks like a helmet.
- Laura Linney reminds me of Helen Hunt (but with a smaller forehead).
- Javier Bardem scares me, even when not in character and even without the worst haircut in movie history.
- Wow, I didn't realize that Daniel Day Lewis wears such serious earrings. I am not sold on them, though.
- 1 Billion people will be watching the Academy Awards, which is about 999,999,999 more than are reading this blog.

Oscars, Part 2

Speaking of noses - and I guess that I was subconsciously as I was looking at Jeanne Becker's face - Steve Carell has a big one. And, it just occurred to me that maybe that's why Jeanne is wearing a low cut gown? You know, to draw onlookers' eyes away from her nose?

Oscars, Part 1

Thank G-d I am unable to find the horrid red carpet show hosted by that walking corpse, Joan Rivers. She is not funny, and I cringe whenever she opens her mouth. But, it means that I am watching Ben (Benedict Martin Paul) Mulroney and Jeanne Becker, whom I usually call Jeanie Beeker. Jeanne is a lousy interviewer and what is clearly worse is that she is showing altogether far too much cleavage, and it's not even nice cleavage. I am all for cleavage, but it has go be good cleavage, and hers is not.

Benedict just congratulated George Clooney on his hair, but I have to say that mine hair is better. George has the same haircut my dad sported for half a century, so it can't really be that good.

The really irritating part about the whole red carpet phenomenon is the "who are you wearing?" thing. That is dumb.

Royal Bank Double Speak

I really wish the Royal Bank (or RBC) would have the guts to tell it like it is. In a recent piece of correspondence to me, some genius in the art of evasive writing wrote: "As of May 1, 2008, we will be changing the monthly fee for the RBC Signature No Limit Banking (TM) account to ..." What they really mean to say is that RBC will be increasing the fee.

What's more, the unlimited transactions the letter refers to are not at all unlimited. For example, there are strict limits listed in the first three items. After the two or three free transactions, a fee applies. I have no idea how that can be described as unlimited.

And then, they use some bizarre math to suggest that the savings could add up to $502.44 annually, but, to get those "savings", I would have to use American Express Travellers Cheques, rent a safety deposit box, obtain 12 bank drafts per annum, order cheques, get a specific RBC Visa card, etc. etc. In other words, the letter is full of half truths or pseudo lies.

But, I think all banks are guilty of such subterfuge. That's why they rake in obscene profits.

Hip Hop

I am tied up in an all-day meeting, so here is a song I heard about 500 times during a long weekend in Barry's Bay in 1988.

Just Say No!

Imagine paying for your groceries, and the cashier says: "we've experienced lots of shoplifting recently, so we are going to add 5% to your bill today to cover our losses." That sums up what the Songwriters Association of Canada wants to do in its proposal to add a $5 monthly fee to all internet subscribers' bills in Canada. In return, music file sharing on peer-to-peer networks would become legal. I say, no freakin' way!

I do not download music illegally and I fully support the music industry by purchasing compact discs from retailers such as HMV, Sunrise, Sonic Boom, Soundscapes, Penguin Music, etc. There is no way I am going to pay a penalty or a fee for something I do not do. It's bad enough that a levy has already been added to blank media (cassettes and various CD formats) under the false assumption that they are all being used for illegal copies of music. It's not comforting to know that when I back up some photos I am again giving money to the recording industry.

As I have said before, downloading music sucks. However, I do download some music legally from net labels and I have downloaded free tracks from artist websites. I do not participate in the sharing of music on peer-to-peer networks. This proposal will penalize me as well as those who don't even know how to download music, like most of the geriatrics in the country. Someone has to kill this proposal.

The recording industry shot itself in the foot as soon as it launched the CD format. The costs of producing CDs is, and always has been, less than the costs to produce vinyl records, but in a greedy frenzy, designed to increase profit margins, the Industry collectively hiked prices and alienated music buyers. If CDs were priced at $6.99 or $7.99, we might not have such a huge problem. Don't forget that in the United States the Federal Trade Commission investigated compact disc pricing and concluded that American consumers overpaid $480 million for music purchased between 1996 and 1999. Evidently, record labels exerted pressure on retail outlets to keep prices above a certain level.

I have already emailed the Songwriters Association of Canada to express my opinions. If you hate this idea as much as I do, why not send them an email as well? I am sure iTunes, etc. will have something to say about the loss of its entire Canadian market. Their address is: advocacy@songwriters.ca. Better yet, go to Ryerson University at 7:00 pm this evening to tell them what you think. A public forum is being held at Oakham House. Unfortunately, I cannot attend.

Let's squash this unfair idea before it spreads any further and before it infects other sectors. I can only imagine what's next:

$5 per month in compensation for file-sharing of TV programs;
$5 per month in compensation for file-sharing of feature films;
$5 per month in compensation for file-sharing of computer software;
$5 per month in compensation for file-sharing of porn films ...

etc etc etc ....

A Political Detour
"Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran" - John McCain

The American presidential primaries are a fascinating spectacle. There is a part of me that sympathizes with a couple of Russian journalists who once said that the entire world should be permitted to vote for the president of the United States because the actions of the US government affect almost everyone in one way or other. That is very apparent in Canada, considering our deep personal, cultural, economic, and political ties. After all, the USA is our largest trading partner. Unfortunately, we also have Stephen Harper, who seems bent on becoming a puppet of the American President.

I am absolutely dumbfounded by John McCain. In case you missed it, he started to sing the line "Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran" to the tune of the Beach Boys' Barbara Ann. Of course, that was last year. What I also recently learned is that he was singing a parody that had been written and performed by Vince Vance and the Valiants, who wrote the song in the midst of the Iran Hostage Crisis in 1979. Here are the lyrics:

Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran.
Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb, bomb Iran!
Let's take a stand, bomb Iran.
Our country's got a feelin'.
Really hit the ceilin', bomb Iran.
Bomb bomb bomb, bomb Iran."
Gone to a mosque,
Gonna throw some rocks.
Tell the ayatollah,
Gonna put you in a box! and
bomb Iran. Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb, bomb Iran!
Our country's got a feelin'.
Really hit the ceilin', bomb Iran.
Bomb bomb bomb, bomb Iran.

Now, I can sympathize with this parody in light of the Iran Hostage Crisis. Sometimes, we need to show our anger, rattle some sabers, and show some solidarity.

This is one of the videos of John McCain breaking into song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAzBxFaio1I

Of course, I immediately recalled Ronald Reagan's live microphone accident (August 11, 1984) where he announced that bombing of Russia would commence in five minutes. This summed up Reagan's sheer intolerance, misunderstanding, and total hatred of a political system that differed from the American system. No, I am not a fan of authoritarian governments and clearly the Soviet Union was not a model to be emulated. As we all know, Reagan presided over the largest peacetime military buildup in American history, a buildup directed at the former Soviet Union and its allies, rather than address the possibility of arms control. MAD (Mutually Assured Destruction) was mad.

Reagan also signed a drug enforcement act as part if his War on Drugs. I think we can conclude that the war on drugs has failed and has resulted in glaring racial disparities in prison populations, mostly because of the different sentences handed down for crack cocaine, a lower class drug used by mainly African Americans and other impoverished ethnic groups, and powdered cocaine, an upper class drug used mainly by white folks including George W. Bush. Yes, he refuses to deny that he has used it. But, I am getting sidetracked.

I was fully in support of the American action in Afghanistan, but the USA virtually quit Afghanistan to hunt Saddam Hussein and walked away from Osama bin Laden. The effect has been very clear in Canada, the nation that is currently in charge of military operations in the Kandahar region. With the US military more interested in Iraq, many Canadians understandably have a hard time distinguishing between Canada's NATO role in Afghanistan and the US war on terror. Our troops effectively freed-up American forces to move to Iraq, and so we have become part of the problem.

John McCain is on record as suggesting that he would not be opposed to American troops staying in Iraq for 100 years! His argument is that Americans would not object to such a deployment either. What they will object to, he argues, are casualties of war. It's clear that McCain, the Viet Nam veteran, is a war hawk. What I find even scarier are those who argue that McCain isn't "conservative enough." I can only hope that the American public will not endorse a man who wants to take their nation into another pointless war that cannot be won. My choice, given the American political landscape, would be anybody but McCain...well, maybe that's going too far.

Addendum

As we all know, blogging about politics is no-win situation. You either attract comments from those who revile your political views and simply tell you that you have no idea what you are talking about (usually offering only dogma and unsupported opinions to counter what you have said) , or you receive congratulatory comments from those who accept everything you say with the hopes that a few of the undecided will be convinced to join your side of the ring.

This, of course, reminds me that Ethan Zuckerman advised us to resist homophily in social networks. I have read lots of right wing blogs and left wing blogs and I think that we are all guilty of promoting our opinions at the expense of impartiality. Such is the polarized landscape of the self-important amateur political blogger. My experience from previous political posts (especially this one) is that I had been surrounded by a few like-minded people (the homophilous, if you like) and our opponents (another homophilous group). In the end, I would describe the bloggers, the commenters, and our statements with such words as intransigent, intractable, recalcitrant, and belligerent.

Blogging has given me a new appreciation of the difficulties in writing without bias. So, the preceding is biased, but what can you expect from a Canadian who routinely votes for the NDP?

The Man in Black (and red)

I asked for and I received another picture of me, drawn by my daughter. Again, we have asymmetrical feet and even legs this time. I now have two-fingered claws on each hand with arms as disproportionately short as a Tyrannosaurus Rex :-) I like my rosy cheeks and my rose coloured glasses.

She has developed a new style of mouth, one that is off to the side and rendered in a cartoonish style. I really like that. The oddest thing is that she gave me a red belt. She said that she knows I wear a black belt (in truth, I don't generally wear belts), but she gave me a red one so it wouldn't look like I was wearing a suit.

I Hate it When Things are Broken

Unable to upload image

We are aware of this problem and currently working on a fix.

When reporting this error to Blogger Support or on the Blogger Help Group, please:

• Describe what you were doing when you got this error.
• Provide the following error code and additional information.

bX-5tdd1p

Additional information

blogID: 5566883
host: www.blogger.com
uri: /upload-image.do


This information will help us to track down your specific problem and fix it! We apologize for the inconvenience.

Knight Rider

I just have to ask why? Of all of the second rate TV shows that could be made into a movie, why why why Knight Rider? It makes no sense.

A Video for a Saturday Evening

For some reason, I paid no attention to Bob Dylan until a couple of years ago. Well, I had a copy Highway 61 Revisited, but that was all. Now, I have have about 20 of his CDs, so it's safe to say that I was an immediate convert. This is a great clip of Subterranean Homesick Blues from the Biopic Don't Look Back. I love it.

Add it Up

Here are some interesting numbers:

2 - the number of times a car has hit me while cycling (both were slight brushes really).
3 - the number of times I have hit the pavement (once because of a reckless driver; the other two times because of clumsiness, or the rotation of the earth)
4 - number of bikes I have had since 1993.
7 - the number of flat tires I have had in the past 15 years.
10 - the number of consecutive winters I have cycled.
27.50 - the number of dollars I save weekly by not taking public transit.
30 - the time it takes me in minutes to cycle to work, including locking up the bike and walking to my office.
5,000 - the approximate number of kilometers I cycle per year.
50,000 - the approximate number of kilometers I have cycled in the past ten years.

Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle

I am relieved that Yahoo has rejected Microsoft's takeover offer, but I realize that this may not be the end of it. I am often amused by the search engine battles on the web. Google gets most of the search traffic, with Microsoft, Yahoo, and others lagging behind. So, theoretically, a merger is a good way to catch up.

There must be a better way. Google's ambitious goal to index the entire web is an impossible one, and I would argue that it is a stupid goal as well. Searching Google certainly gets lots of results, but so much of it is garbage. The same is true with Yahoo and Microsoft's Live Search. What we really need is an intelligent search engine that can distinguish between searches that appear to be identical.

For example, if I am searching for Juno, I think the reply from the search engine should be:

Select what you are looking for from this list: the movie, the Japanese model, the Juno Awards, Juno Records ...

When you click one of the terms, the search engine should add some search terms and construct a proper Boolean search, like: juno and (movie or film or theatrical release or motion picture). Most people have no idea how to construct a nested Boolean search, and only Yahoo supports it on the web anyway, but there are advanced search techniques in Google than can give you the same results.

The problem with search engines is that huge numbers of results come back at you, and research has proven that most people look only at the first two pages: the rest is irrelevant. I think we ought to be looking at smaller, better engines, like the human-powered Mahalo. It's database is slowly being compiled by humans. Don't run out an Mahalo yourself, because you won't be there, but you can add yourself. You might be a little underwhelmed at search results but I think, in time, search engines like this might prevail over the giants.

Oh, and the real reason I don't want Microsoft to take over Yahoo, is because then the evil empire will own Flickr, and that would be bad news.

Juno


Juno is an awesome film with a stellar script written by ex-stripper Diablo Cody. My least favourite thing about the film is Jennifer Garner. I think she was fine in Alias, but I was not really impressed with her in this film. Of course, I was constantly reminded of Arrested Development, even though Jason Bateman and Michael Cera do not share a scene.

Some of the songs on the soundtrack have a quirkiness that reminded me of Daniel Johnston, and for a while, I wondered if this was intentional, coincidental, or just me. It's a short film, clocking in at 96 minutes, but the length seemed right.

There, that's the end of my lame film review.

The only other thing to report is that I have discovered that there is a Japanese bikini model called Juno, although sometimes she doesn't seem to wear a bikini at all, if you know what I mean. I accidentally discovered her while searching for information about the film. I considered giving you a link, but I am sure you can all figure out how to find it yourself.

Oh, and one other thing. It was really refreshing to see Jason Bateman doing his thing at the Grammys. It is often difficult to determine if comedic actors are truly funny, or if it's just the scripts. I was happy to see that he is genuinely funny and a pleasure to watch.

IceBike

I just cycled home in a blizzard.

Dexter, Feist, & Kate Bush

I have watched the first four episodes of Dexter and I have to say that I like it very much. It features Michael C. Hall (of Six Feet Under fame) who plays Dexter Morgan, a blood pattern analyst for the Miami Police Department. He is also a serial killer. So, Dexter is not your typical police procedural or forensics show. The show is based on Darkly Dreaming Dexter, a novel by Jeff Lindsay, a book I have never read and probably never will. Dexter will be broadcast on CBS & CTV, but will suffer at the hand of the censor.



I like reading letters to the editor, and very often I find one that irritates me. Usually, these are political letters from those whose views are antithetical to mine. I am sure we have all had those experiences. And then there are letters about culture or music, like a letter in yesterday's Toronto Star.

A certain Diane Walton wrote: "Hasn't anyone realized that perhaps Feist is a clone of the indomitable Kate Bush?" I wonder why she said "perhaps." Anyway, I disagree. If you are looking for Kate Bush clones, you need look no further than Tori Amos. She even looks like her. But, as Kim Hughes once said, Tori Amos is a poor man's Kate Bush. I couldn't agree more. Anyway, Feist and Kate Bush are miles and miles apart. I think that are very few artists like Bush because her music is eclectic, experimental, and maybe surreal.

The letter also has this statement: "Let it be know that [Kate Bush] set the stage for so many sound-alikes in the 1990s and the new millennium and should be getting the credit." Kate Bush released her fist album in 1978! And, only one album was released in the 1990s: the mediocre Red Shoes in 1993. Since then, we have had Aerial in 2005. In other words, most of Bush's music has been released prior to the 1990s.

I think that Kate Bush has influenced many artists, and I think that the most obvious musician would be Bjork (or even Joanna Newsom), even if the music doesn't really sound the same. And, I don't think we should expect musicians to state their influences, although most do freely and openly. I think that's enough credit.

Feist is a folkie and is closer to people like Cat Power than Kate Bush.

OK, time to eat.

Grammy Awards #7

As an illustration of just how out of touch I am with pop music, I will admit that I have no idea who Taylor Swift is ...brief interlude while I Google the women... See, that's just my point. It turns out that she's a country singer not a pop singer.

Amy Winehouse is on a roll, man. I have never understood the difference between record of the year and song of the year. She won both for the same song. Hmmm.

As is usual for awards shows, they drag on too long. I am going to skip the rest and go to bed.

Grammy Awards #6

Randomness:

1) Man, Kanye West is conceited.
2) Ah, Feist has such a good voice, and I enjoyed her arrangement for this eve's show.
3) As for the Foo Fighters, well, I was never a big fan. They seem so yesterday.
4) Alicia Keyes has some junk in her trunk.
5) Who cares about Country music?

Grammy Awards #5

OK, so I like John Paul Jones, but that brief calm musical interlude in the midst of Foo Fighter angst is completely out-of-place. It is jarring and silly.

Oh, man, the country music has been unleashed. "I'd like to check you for ticks"? Good god. If you think that was bad, how about this part:

Every time you take a sip
In this smoky atmosphere
You press that bottle to your lips
And I wish I was your beer
In the small there of your back
Your jeans are playing peekaboo
I'd like to see the other half of your butterfly tattoo.

It's so bad, it's smelly. I can't believe that's the best Brad Paisley could come up with.

Grammy Awards #4

I really wish Cher had done that X-Files episode, rather than that stand-in. It would have been so much better. That episode also features the best use of the Post-Seinfeld John O'Hurley.

Those short pants do not suit Beyoncé. What's worse is the song/intro for Tina Turner. It's frankly embarrassing. I also hate medleys.

Amy Winehouse wins Song of Year for Rehab. I have to say that I like that song. I even own the CD.

Grammy Awards #3

...and Let is Be is probably my least favourite Beatles tune. Or, it could be the Long and Ponderous Road. This gospel version of Let it Be is ridiculous. I think it takes itself far too seriously.

Although I felt that Feist should have won Best New Artist, Amy Winehouse is a good choice. I was surprised by how good her album is. I didn't expect that 50s kick and that really resonant voice.

Kanye West looks ridiculous. And, what a stupid Lyric: "You can be my black Kate Moss." I am not sure this lyric can be read as racist (as some have), just dumb.

But, Kanye is full of dumb lyrics, like this stinker: "You fixed me up something that was good for my soul / Famous homemade chicken soup, can I have another bowl?" It's so awesomely bad.

And, oh my god, Fergie cannot sing. I had never really paid attention to her before. It's painful.

Grammy Awards #2

Of course, there are rumours that Jacko the Wacko might show up. This in itself ought to have been enough to keep me away, but maybe it's the idea of a live TV appearance from a known loony that makes me want to keep watching. In the Toronto Star recently, I read a piece about how awesome Thriller is. That is so wrong. That album stinks - always has, always will.

Why is Tom Hanks there? But wait, he is talking about The Band, an amazing Canadian band. Now they are a good choice for that lifetime achievement award, but that lasted about 15 seconds. That's kinda of dumb.

Now, A Day in the Life is my favourite Beatles tune, but I am not sure about this disastrous stage event. It has nothing to do with the song, if you ask me. This looks more like the 1950s meets West Side Story and Cirque Du Soleil.

Grammy Awards #1

I hate the Grammy's and I never watch, but I have collapsed in front of the TV and lack the requisite strength to move or to change the channel (a very complicated thing to do, as I have the most bizarre "TV" setup I bet anyone has ever seen). Just like the Academy Awards, the Grammy's award mediocrity. There is absolutely no way that the awards given out tonight represent the best music of the prior year.

I caught the last of the red carpet show, enough to conclude that Cyndi Lauper looks like hell. But, I really think that Alicia Keyes has a nice voice. Of course, that reminds me of this:

I was thinking about Alicia Keys, couldn't keep from crying
When she was born in Hell's Kitchen, I was living down the line
I'm wondering where in the world Alicia Keys could be
I been looking for her even clear through Tennessee

Of course, everyone knows who sang that right? Uh oh, here comes Kerri Underwood. I guess it's time to get a snack

2:31 of Hilarity

This is why everyone should watch 30 Rock. It's the funniest show on TV right now.

"Tanned and Crazy"

I was hoping that the blizzard would close down the city so that I could have another day off, but everything settled down by this morning. Foiled again.

Anyway, I have French class this evening. I just read that my professor is "popular," according to a University survey. I can see that: he is funny but he speaks way too fast. On RateMyProfessors.com, someone even called him hot, though I find that hard to believe. Another description - "tanned and crazy" - I can live with. In fact, that might be the perfect description.

He has a thick Parisian accent and I imagine that he spends his evenings surrounded by red wine and female undergrads, but I could be wrong. Anyway, I am getting hungry and am now going to devote all of my mental energy to food.

Wednesday

I had no idea that today is Ash Wednesday, until I read about it elsewhere. Even though a friend's status on Facebook indicated he was having pancakes for dinner on Tuesday, I didn't clue in. Clearly, I am not religious. But, I did a quick search to remind me of what it is all about, aside from gorging on pancakes the day before.

So now I know: today is the first day of Lent, a liturgical and fasting period. I am reminded of a person I knew in my undergrad who gave up alcohol for Lent, and then got totally hammered 40 days later. This made absolutely no sense to me then or now. I mean, if we are truly speaking of self-denial, shouldn't the sacrifice be much greater than booze? I realize that one is expected to give up a vice, but I find the whole thing laughable. This is yet another reason why I think organized religion is a sham. The concept of the Pope and churches are perverse.

Years ago, I knew some people who followed the rule of "fasting" on Christmas Eve. This loosely translated into feasting on anything, provided it did not contain meat. So, there would always be apperatifs, fois gras, cheeses, lasagna or something else like it), lobster (or shrimp, etc), wine, champagne, rich desserts, coffee, liqueurs. I am fairly sure that is not what fasting is supposed to be, but the Catholic church has a far different interpretation.

But, back to Lent. According to some writings (which are most likely fiction), Mister Jesus spent some 40 days in the desert where he endured the temptations of Satan. Let me just say for the record that I would fail at this. I mean, who could resist Satan and all of his taunting?

___

I am taking another sick day, but I think I'll be back to work tomorrow.

Poor Me

I am sick today, so if you don't mind, I am going back to sleep now.

It Wasn't Me! Honest!

OK, so I just went into the bathroom at work and had to hold my nose at the stench. I'm not passing any judgments here, but, man oh man, someone really smelled that joint up. The trouble is that when I was washing my hands, another fellow came in and I realized that he thought that I was responsible for making the place smell like a sewage treatment plant.

I wanted to say that it wasn't me, but such a course of action might have reinforced his belief, so I didn't say anything. Of course, this has happened before, and I guess it is best not to say anything.

Speaking of smelling the place up, the Patriots did an excellent job of that. They stank. In an interesting piece of trivia, the last Super Bowl I watched was Super Bowl XXXI, in which the Patriots lost to the Packers.

Tyrannosaurus Rex


A recent picture from my daughter. Why is it that her drawings of dinosaurs are more accurate than her drawings of me?

Session Two

Today's session was fabulous, if I do day so myself, and I don't have to because lots of people told us so at the end. I am happy that it went well and happy that I can now relax.

When we proposed this session almost one year ago, we had no idea what it would look like at the end and if it would be a good session. Things came together nicely. I have to say that having so much lead time is both good and bad. One gets plenty of preparation time, that's true. But it really plays on your mind, when you don't have time to work on it or are, as is more likely, procrastinating.

Also, speaking twice at the same conference is probably not a good idea. Perhaps I will go to this conference as an observer next year, not as a speaker. Suddenly, I am very very hungry.

Session One

The bad news was that half of the panel got snowed-in and didn't make it to the conference. The good news is that the two remaining presenters (a colleague and I) did a great job of it without them. No one walked out, and there were questions after, and even applause.

I am presenting tomorrow with a another colleague on a far different and much more scintillating topic.