Tuesday, August 31, 2004

I am Sagittarius

Sagittarius Traits

Optimistic and freedom-loving Jovial and good-humored Honest and straightforward Intellectual and philosophical

On the dark side....

Blindly optimistic and careless Irresponsible and superficial Tactless and restless

I agree with the traditional traits, but I am not convinced of the dark side traits., although I am blindly optimistic and restless. Hmmm. On the other hand, this may be a perfect description of me:

"The Archer is a Fire sign: 'Nuff said, at least where sex is concerned. The initial Sagittarian response where sex is concerned is through physicality, as opposed to emotion or practicality. The Archer is not shy, and like the half beast/half human that he/she represents, is quite the sexual animal. In other words, these folks are always ready! Sagittarians like to enjoy many an erotic experience, in keeping with their outgoing and sociable nature. Their great libido also lends itself best to an artistic and graceful lover, qualities they very much admire. Trying new things is also often on the Archer's mind, and when their lover says sex on the beach, they had best not be referring to a fruity drink. The Sagittarian's thirst for knowledge is often quenched through straight talk in bed, a way to combine two of their favorite pleasures. Sagittarians can also grow to worship a worthy lover, a fitting response to this holiest of acts."

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Monday, August 30, 2004

My head feels (and looks) a bit better.

So, I was in mall recently and this guy walked to the garbage can area to dump the fast food garbage off his tray. He put his pop can into the garbage, even though there was recycling bin a few feet away. What's up with that? I constantly see people doing similar bonehead things. On several occasions, I have carried recycling home with me when I couldn't find a public bin. Near the entrance to some buildings (where the smokers congregate), people fill up garbage containers with recyclable material, rather than finding a recycling bin. I just cannot believe it. I don't want you to think that I am some sort of garbage nazi, but I just can't understand this attitude.

This is not to mention garbage. I have no idea how Toronto maintains its reputation as a clean city. People throw garbage everywhere. The worst is cigarette butts. Why is smoking a license to litter? Those butts are toxic and not biodegradable, and smokers treat this city like an ashtray (I know I have I said this before).

I guess this has been some sort of Monday rant.

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Friday, August 27, 2004


I walked into a door this morning. Yes, it's true. In my defense, the door moved. I was preoccupied, or at least that is my excuse. I just turned around and wham, my head hit the edge of the door. I think the wind moved it or it bounced back from the wall. The worst part is, I have a gash on my forehead. You might mistake me for a pugilist. I think I should start wearing my bicycle helmet around the house. So far, there are no signs of concussion. No headache, dizziness, or vomiting. And, there is no sign of confusion or memory loss, or none more than usual.

We have been watching Dennis Potter's The Singing Detective (on DVD, of course). It is really interesting and unusual.

Happy Friday.


Thursday, August 26, 2004

I Get Spam

Today, I got this:

"Hi, it's me Kimberly... my fiancé is on a business trip
I have a on-line profile you can check it out...if you are looking for a sexy relationship we can meet each other http://www.hotladiestodate.com/899394/cheatinghousewifeservices/fullpage.html"

Sounds promising. Speaking of spam, I often get strange email messages from Chinese exporters of all kinds of beans. Why me, I ask. I have written back, informing them that I am not a great consumer of beans, but I have gotten no reply. Maybe they know something that I don't?

I have often received those Nigerian fraud messages. You know, I am the son of so-and-so and if you give me thousands of dollars, I will give you even more in return, once I pay something to someone for something. To these people, I have been blunt. I'd post examples of my replies here, but it might offend you. Oddly, they have not replied either.

My favourite spam has to be the one that promises an end to spam simply by purchasing their product. Would you buy spam blocking software that was advertised via spam? I think not.


Wednesday, August 25, 2004

I am tired of work right now. I did take vacation, but it just doesn't seem like it was long enough. I am completely lacking in motivation. Fortunately, I have the kind of job where no one notices if I do anything or not. I wonder if I can smuggle a cot into my office so I can take some naps.


Tuesday, August 24, 2004

I just read that Perdita Felicien fell in her hurdles event. So much for that gold. This is terrible news. Other than that, I have nothing to say today. The truth is, I am too lazy to write anything more.

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Monday, August 23, 2004

Believe it or not, until yesterday, I had been to the CNE only once. That's mostly because I was not born in Toronto, and did not move here until I was an adult. The CNE reminds me of an oversized fall fair, the kind I went to often as a child, so it holds a lot of nostalgia, even if I was never there as a kid.

The other thing that made me nostalgic this year was Destroyer, the KISS tribute band. I watched them do a three or four songs. When I was ten years old, I got my first KISS album. My only defense is that I was ten years old. Now, I find the music very one dimensional. Inexplicably, their biggest single was Beth. I don't get that at all. Why is it that hard rock and metal bands always score huge hits with power ballads? Someone please explain that to me.

By the way, my first album was Goofy Greats. OK, so I didn't always have impeccable taste in music, although I thought I did. Please remember that I was ten years old. It featured these classics:

Snoopy & the Red Baron - Royal Guardsmen
Itsy-Bitsy Teenie-Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini— - Brian Hyland
Bread & butter— - Newbeats
Mule Skiner Blues - —Fendermen
Rockin’ Robin— - Bobby Day
Alley-Oop— - Hollywood Argyles
Loop De Loop— - Johnny Thunder
Yummy, Yummy, Yummy - —Ohio Express
Little Green Bag— - George Baker Selection
The Lion Sleeps Tonight - —Tokens
Surfin’ Bird— - Trashmen
Chewy, Chewy— - Ohio Express
Ahab The Arab— - Ray Stevens
The Name Game - —Shirley Ellis
Green Tambourine— - Lemon Pipers
Simon Says— - 1910 Fruitgum Co.
Mah-na-Mah-Na - —Piero Umiliani
See Ya Later Alligator - —Bill Haley
Beep, Beep— - Playmates
The Birds and The Bees - —Jewel Akens
Nashville Cats— - Lovin’ Spoonful
Mr. Cluster— - Larry Verne
Bony Moronie - —Larry Williams
1, 2, 3 Redlight— - 1910 Fruitgum

OK, so maybe they weren't classics.

By the way, I am not sure anyone could get away with writing a song called Ahab the Arab today.

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Friday, August 20, 2004

The Olympics

I always enjoy watching the Olympics. But, during the past two or three games, I have felt that something is missing. I think that the collapse of the Soviet block has killed some of the excitement. It was far more interesting when the West was up against the East.

The other thing is that there are far too many events now. If it were up to me, I would get rid of rhythmic gymnastics, boxing (it is both brutal and stupid), equestrian (either that, or award the medals to the horses rather than the riders), sailing (what's next, auto racing?), trampoline, synchronized swimming (aka smiling under water and looking goofy), and synchronized diving. Oh, and I would insist that we stop any notion of making golf and ballroom dancing Olympic events. They can't be serious.

I am also irritated by CBC coverage. There is way too much commentary and too many talking heads. I am tired at looking at Brian Williams and I am tired of his voice. Everything is on tape in the evenings, and they just pile on the garbage. Last night, I had to endure a documentary segment on Greek dancing. Why? CBC, please just show the events!

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Thursday, August 19, 2004

I'm a bit surprised by the furor over the bikini-clad dancers featured at the beach volleyball tournament in Athens. Some female volleyball players are offended. I've watched bits of beach volleyball and I have to admit that it's hard to distinguish between the athletes and the dancers, because they are dressed almost identically. Let's compare: dancers; players. In fact, I think if a survey was conducted, you will find that many men really like female beach volleyball. The bikini dancers are just icing. Sorry, but that's just the way it is (I think). Oh, I was not referring to me when I said men.

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Wednesday, August 18, 2004

"Why not take your cat out for dinner?"

Meow Mix cafe has opened for business in Manhattan. Yes, you can take your cat out to dinner in New York. Associated Press reports: "The midtown restaurant serves Meow Mix packets for its feline customers with corresponding dishes to satisfy human palates. 'Deep Sea Delight' mackerel for cats is paired with tuna rolls for cat owners; 'Upstream Dream' salmon for felines corresponds with mini crab cakes for humans." I suppose that this is the next logical step after the launch of those bakeries for dogs, but really. Anyway, I am allergic to cats.

That's all I have to say today.

Oh, wait, I just finished watching both seasons of The Office. This is hilarious. I recommend it.


Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Did you know that there is a town in Newfoundland called Dildo? I wonder how it is that I got this far in life without knowing that. This is perhaps the most fascinating piece of information to come my way in the last decade.

I cycled past a street busker playing the violin on my way home last night. Bizarrely, he was playing the Chicken Dance. Now, there is a composition that one normally hears only at wedding receptions, and it is generally those receptions that take place in church basements with very low ceilings. The last basement reception I went to featured the Chicken Dance and the Macarena, along with some pretty funky, and quite rural, line dancing

I've been 647ed. I changed cell phones and providers, for many reasons, and I am now stuck with a 647 area code. Suddenly, I feel like Elaine Benes. You know, she gets a number with a new area code, and then finds out that a woman in her building has died... I could go on, but if I really shouldn't have to explain Seinfeld to you. By the way, it's coming soon on DVD.

Damn, now I have the Chicken Dance playing in my head.

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Monday, August 16, 2004

Smoking on the Sidewalks

I love the smoking ban that is not in place in bars and restaurants in Toronto. There are still those cases of certain bars (like some near my house) which have morphed into "private social clubs", requiring membership. The ashtrays are still out in those places. I never figured out who would ever go into these places near my house anyway. They are filled with men, all older men, drinking and smoking. Women appear not to be welcome.

The ban has forced people out on the sidewalks. One thing that bothers me is that I have to walk through clouds of smoke on the sidewalks. It is really horrible. It seems to me that there are more people on the sidewalk than sitting is some bars on Bloor Street. And, the sidewalks are becoming a big ashtray. I really wish that smokers would not throw their butts on the ground. It is littering and it makes the city look disgusting. Besides, cigarette butts are not biodegradable. I say, we should ban smoking in all public places.

And now, I have the song Smokin' in the Boys Room on my brain.

Elvis died on this day. I always remember because it is my sister's birthday.

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Thursday, August 12, 2004


I really feel sorry for all of those Canadian Idol wannabees. Imagine being forced to sing Lionel Ritchie songs. I can't decide which is worse: listening to the terrible songs or singing them. I had to cover my ears a few times. Oh, the horror. Besides, the whole program was a one hour advertisement for the boring man's new album of soporific disasters.

Bad as it was, it was more entertaining than watching Lionel's daughter, Nicole, make an idiot out of herself with Paris Hilton.

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Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Cheap DVDs

OK, so I was shopping in Walmart for camping stuff a while back and I stumbled on the video section. Man, do they have some cheap DVDs. How does $1.88 sound? It sounded too good to be true, but I bought some anyway. The results were mixed. On the positive side, I got a copy of Kansas City Confidential. This is a surprisingly good film. I faired less well on some others.

Abraxas is a terrible movie, so bad that I did not get past the five minute mark. Oddly, there are some positive reviews of this mess of a movie out there. I should have known. After all, it stars Jesse Ventura! I had hoped for a good scifi flick. Instead, I got a terrible, unwatchable piece of junk. I'd be happy to give this away for the cost of postage.

Honor Thy Father is based on a novel by Gay Talese. That, and the fact that it is a mob film, seemed to suggest that it would be good. The film has aged badly. It gets good reviews, but I found it difficult to watch. Maybe I will watch the rest some other time.

The best thing about Crash of the Moons is the theme song, which utilizes a Theremin. The movie is really three episodes of Rocky Jones, Space Ranger.

I found the camping equipment too.

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Monday, August 09, 2004

The trouble with vacations is that they end. Fortunately, I like my job, and so I really don't mind returning to work. There are certain elements of my job that I love. It would be nice to not have to work. I think that I would make a good multi-millionaire. I have the perfect temperament for it. It really bothers me to hear about those people who win millions and then say that they wish they hadn't, that somehow their life was better before, that the money just gave them stress. Hey, if you have stress after winning the jackpot, just give all of your money to me. I'd love that kind of stress for a change. Besides the long list of things that I would buy, there is the long list of places to go and things to do. What I find even more fantastical is those winners who don't quit their jobs! Although I quite like my job, I'd be outta here in a nanosecond.

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Saturday, August 07, 2004

The Curse Continues

It always rains when I go camping. It never fails. I have considered renting myself out to forest fire fighters. Just put up a tent next to the fire, put me in it, and it will rain buckets. It's so bad that there are people who now refuse to go camping with me.

I went camping last week, and it rained. Beautiful blue sky changed to the deepest scariest black in a matter of minutes. The good news is that I am now an expert in packing away wet gear.

Many years ago, I camped at Cavendish in PEI. It rained so hard that several families were forced to sleep in their cars. Some tents blew down. Later, it rained on my tent in Nova Scotia. In the Annapolis Valley, rain gave way to freezing temperatures. During that trip, we were rained on in Quebec City and in all of the Maritime provinces. It did not rain on the two nights we took refuge in a hotel. I have also camped in the rain in Vermont, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, etc. It may be time to sell the tent.