More Proof that the World is Ending

My sister now has a Facebook account. While you may not think that this is strange, let me put it into context. It would sort of be like finding out that your mother has been a CIA agent for the last 25 years, or that your 85 year-old grandmother is a swinger.

Star Trek

My one short review is: well, it didn't suck, but I thought it would have been better.

I have seen all of the films and many of the episodes from the various TV series. I liked the idea of rebooting the franchise with a new cast and a new look. In that respect, I would say that this film was far more successful than Enterprise, the lame Star Trek prequel series, made interesting mostly because of Jolene Blalock ;-) Well, and the doctor character was really good. Other than that, it stank pretty much, but I watched it anyway, hoping that it would get better.

As much I as like Leonard Nimoy, and as much as I truly believe that the character of Spock is perhaps the best character created in the Star Trek Universe -- except for T'Pol, of course -- it must be evident by now that Leonard Nimoy is not such a great actor. I didn't really like that part of the story line, maybe because his part in the development of the plot was rushed over way too fast. On the other hand, Sylar as Spock kind of works.

The movie is certainly enjoyable: there is lots of action, lots of things explode, people die. The movie does not drag at all. I didn't really see the need for the Kirk car chase flashback scene at all. I would have left that strip of film on the cutting room floor.

So, I give it a 7/10. Last night, my rating was a 6, but it improved with sleep. So that, ladies and gentlemen, is my lass ass review.

By the way, after the show, we caught Tales of the Uncanny, a 90-year-old silent German film at Dundas Square. A live soundtrack was contributed by Robert Lippok, Owen Pallett, and Do Make Say Think, one of my favourite bands. Sadly, the rain interfered. Damn you Mother Nature!

I've got the Toronto Cycling Blues

It takes only a visit to the bike-friendly parts of Europe to realize that Toronto's cycling infrastructure sucks eggs. Rolling into Amsterdam on the train, I looked out my window and could not believe what I saw. There were literally thousands of bicycles parked at the train station. So numerous were the bikes, that platforms for bike parking had been constructed to accommodate them all.

Throughout the city, bikes are everywhere, taking up all of the available parking spots. In fact, with so many bikes, there are not enough places to lock the bikes, so people have resorted to locking the wheel to the frame and then propping the bike on its kickstand or leaning it against a wall. Many bike parking shelters lack any secure object that one could use to lock the bike.

The most amazing thing is the network of bike lanes, complete with traffic signals just for bikes! There are pedestrian signals, car signals and bike signals. And, what's more impressive is that these bikes lanes are generally separated from traffic. Amsterdam is a bike paradise.

Other things I noticed:

- no one wears helmets
- most of the bikes are old-school, with few or no gears and ancient brakes
- no bike cops to be seen anywhere
- people talk on cell phones and text message while riding or driving scooters
- they pile as many people on bikes or scooters as possible

Really, we saw lots of people doubling (which I think is illegal here). I saw entire families on one scooter. We saw a woman carrying a baby in a sling on a scooter with two other kids on the back. There are bikes with huge wooden "wheelbarrows" at the front where you can drop several kids or a family of four. People are adept at riding bikes, and the only thing I saw that might have one-upped anything we saw in Amsterdam was a man in Geneva who was cycling while picking his nose. Now that probably requires a great deal of concentration.

Back in TO, I felt really nervous getting back on my bike, despite having been a year-round cyclist for years. It seems wrong to put bikes on the road with huge cars and trucks. On the second day of riding after my return, some idiot is a yellow car turned right without shoulder-checking and almost took me out. He should have to re-sit his road-test to remind him that mirrors are not enough, especially while driving on a road with a bike lane clearly marked in white paint.

Toronto languishes in the dark ages of cycling, while Europe is living the dream. This sucks and it really pisses me off.

1 in 70,000,000

I recently read that the odds of being in a plane crash and dying are one in seventy million. Another article I read put the odds at one in five hundred thousand. The second source added that, statistically, you could survive as many as four out of five crashes. Either way, these are pretty good odds.

The first piece of news we heard after landing last week was that Air France flight 447 had gone missing. I haven't done the calculations, but it is possible that we were in the air when that plane crashed. The news kind of freaked me out.

I have never really been afraid of flying, but the thought that the aircraft might fall from the sky while I am on it always crosses my mind whenever I board an airplane. It strikes me as a particularly heinous was to die. If I could rank the ways in which I would like to pass on, a plane crash would be at the very bottom, right after immolation.

So, I was very happy to be on firm ground in my part of the world, where I could do such peaceful things as navigate the streets of Toronto on a bike, something that seems far more dangerous having been to bike-friendly Europe. But, more on that later.

Here is another tiny elevator:

With backpacks on, we often had to enter the elevator backwards or exit backwards. It was difficult to turn around. This elevator was so narrow, I could not stand sideways in it, as it was not wide enough for my shoulders.

Relaxing in le jardin du Luxembourg

That's the Luxembourg Palace in the distance, just beyond my feet and the palm tree. It was all quite relaxing and wonderful until the skies opened up. Sure, we had umbrellas, but what we really needed was an Ark.

There are Some Small Elevators in Paris



I am in another all-day meeting...

The Numbers

Countries visited - 4
Cities visited - 11
Days away - 21
Flights - 2
Flight delays - 1
Train trips - 18
Train delays - 0
Times getting on the wrong train - 1
Times booted from 1st class for accidentally sitting there - 2
Times harassed for being in 1st class, despite having valid tickets - 1
Bus trips - 2
Boat trips - 2
Boat trips to unexpected destinations - 1
Photos taken - 1172
Videos shot - 2
Propositions received from prostitutes - 1
Hours spent in bed recovering from the flu - 58
Items accidentally smashed in a supermarket - 1
Accidents witnessed (bike vs car) - 1
Red light districts seen - 3
Comedic tram conductors encountered in Amsterdam - 3
Workmen accidentally locked into office and then freed - 1
Baptisms attended - 1
Glasses of champagne consumed after baptism - several...
Percentage improvement in my French after champagne - 100%
Number of Polish waitresses who couldn't understand French in Geneva - 1
Dutch words I learned - 3
Euros left over - 20
Swiss Francs left over - 15
Roast chickens eaten - too many to count

Back in Town

After three weeks away, I have returned.  The last six days in Switzerland were lacking any sort of internet connection. Anyway, I am tired and need sleep as I stupidly did not take tomorrow off from work :-(  Good night.

Sick :-(

I started feeling funny while walking around Bruges, and by the time we got back to the hotel in Brussels, I collapsed into the bed and stayed there for 38 hours, only getting up so we could take the train back to Paris, where, upon arrival, I crawled into another bed for 20 hours.  All that is left is a nasty stomach bug, but it started with a fever, chills, headaches, body aches, nightmares, lack of energy, loss of appetite. I haven't really eaten in almost three days.  Whatever I try to eat is expelled by my body with great speed.  I feel marginally better, but still have no appetite, although I managed to eat a banana a few minutes ago.  Being sick while travelling sucks.

Brussels

 

Have arrived.  No sign of JCVD. But, there was no sign of Gerard Depardieu, despite assurances that he is renovating a house close to our accommodations. 

En route to Brussels

On the train, with free wifi :-)

Rotterdam

Had lunch in Rotterdam.  It's an OK town, but I prefer Amsterdam.  Tomorrow, we are off to Belgium.

Today

Off to the eastern docklands this morning, and then to Rotterdam.

Another Email Update

 

We went to the Van Gogh Museum in the morning, and then hopped a train to Den Haag, where we had lunch.

Today in Amsterdam (so far)

Anne Frank House and Vondelpark.

Red Lights and Marijuana

 

I love Blogger's email update function.  We strolled through the red light district last night.  Earlier, we noted that the B&B had given us some comlimentary marijuana.  I never expected that.  Today, we are off to Anne Frank House, among other things.

In Amsterdam!

It's raining here too.  I have never seen so many bicycles.  It's amazing!

It's Raining in Paris

Been to la tour Eiffel, walked down L'avenue des Champs-Élysées, and visited L'Arc de triomphe de l'Étoile. Too bad about the rain, however.

In Gay Paris

Arrived safely after one of those all-night flights.  Slept little, so am very tired.  Can see the Eiffel Tower from the window.  So far, my French training has paid off.

One More Thing

I am trying this email posting option again.  Last time I tried it, it did not work.  So, here goes...

Heading for Europe

The flight is today. I might try to update the blog from time-to-time, but I am making no promises. I'll be back in three weeks.

Still Alive

Yeah, I am still around, but busy with work and the like. You may hear even less from me for the next month, as I am leaving for Europe for three weeks one week from today. Tomorrow, I am off to a conference (one day), and I have a few other things to take care of before then, like getting Euros. Also, I am desperately in need of a haircut, but my hairdresser has gone to Korea for a month. What to do? What to do?

...been distracted

by lots of things, like work, swine flu, new music...

Tasty!

I just ate half of one of those damned stickers on fruit. I guess I forgot to remove it and suddenly, only half was left. I am thinking about starting a petition to eliminate these annoying things. After all, most cashiers already know the codes for common fruits and vegetables. Why do we need stickers on fruit and vegetables!

Damn those Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses

I feel like I am being pursued by troops of religions zealots everywhere I go recently. They come to my door; they accost me on the streets; they interfere with my life. At least I get to direct some hostility towards them when they attempt to capture me in their tentacles.

Like the other day, when it was clear that I was busy doing stuff at the front of my house and was engaged with the coming and going of people. Two brain-washed instruments of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints interjected themselves into my personal space, asking if they could talk to me about shit. No way, dudes. I should say that I appreciate what the Mormons have done for Genealogy, though I disapprove of the reason behind these initiatives.

On the weekend, while walking away from a birthday party with les enfants, three well-dressed Mormons set upon me. Being someone that does not carry a gun, I had to try to talk my way through it, trying my best not to get them angry, lest they attack. I considered playing dead, but I couldn't remember if that worked for Mormons or the Jehovah's Witnesses. I also considered making loud grunting noises, hoping that such an action might scare them off. One has to be careful, for I have heard that they can spit venom into your eyes.

And then, this morning, on my way to work, an ancient pair of Jehovah's Witnesses approached me. It looked like the pathetic duo was simply lost and needed directions. I am happy to give directions, or make up something that sounds plausible, but then, the geriatric man unfurled his copy The Watchtower, like he was trying to interest me in illicit pornographic materials. Sadly, it was a copy of something that is not good enough to grace the bottom of a lizard cage.

So, now, I am considering compiling a list of the most offensive things I could say to these and other religious groups. If you know of any, please tell me. In the meantime, the next time I am offered a copy of The Watchtower or Awake!, I am going to reply with one of the following:

"Why, thank you very much! I am out of toilet paper!"
"Sorry, I gave all of my money to the Mormons."
I will utter the name Jehovah 237 times.

Of course, if it's the Mormons, I will have to say something like:

"When will incestuous lovers Donny and Marie be promoted to Sainthood in your church?"
"Orgazmo was the best movie ever made!"

Loblaws is not Green

I am ready to ditch Bell Mobility because it is over-priced and unfriendly. I looked around at tons of plans, both prepaid and monthly, and my conclusion is that they all suck. Canada is probably the most expensive place on the planet for cell phones plans. There should be a new carrier in Canada, hopefully by next year, so I decided to stay away from monthly plans that tie you down for 2 to 3 years. The good thing about monthly plans is cheap phones; the bad is the monthly costs. The good thing about pay-as-you-go is all of the free stuff, like voice mail, call display, etc. The bad news is expensive phones. So, I had an idea.

President's Choice Telecom (Loblaws, in other words) has a very cheap pay-as-you-go option. It is operated by Bell Mobility. A light bulb went off in my head. "I'll switch to PC, keep my cell phone, and keep my eye out for future deals." Foiled again.

It seems that one must purchase a new phone to use PC Telecom. I had a circular argument with the Customer Service person about this. She insisted that the phones are different. I insisted that the Bell network protocol is CDMA, or Code Division Multiple Access. If that describes the Bell network, it also describes the PC network because, as it says right on the page: "Services provided in PC mobile coverage areas by Bell Mobility."

The turnover in cell phones is insane. People keep upgrading and chucking the old ones into landfill sites. This makes no sense to me. Surely, if Loblaws wanted to be a good corporate citizen, it would permit the use of compatible phones. But, we really know that it is all about profit.

I rarely shop at Loblaws because it is expensive and inconvenient, but I think I might change the rarely to never, if they can't accommodate a simple request. I am awaiting a reply to a message I just sent, but I have no expectations of success. Too bad for them: they have lost a potential customer.

Trapped

in a meeting all day :-(

Facts on Farts

After yesterday's lengthy post, what else could I post but something about flatulence? Facts on Farts is funny. It has well-written answers to several of your burning questions about farting. I realize that I promised never to write author post on this topic, but shit happens.

On Jacket Holding, Photography, and the AGO (very long)

Imagine being told that you are holding your jacket improperly while perusing the art on display at an art gallery. That happened to me on Saturday, when I finally managed to check out the renovated AGO (Art Gallery of Ontario). But first, this other AGO story:

I knew that I wanted to take photos of the Frank Gehry makeover, so I made sure that I familiarized myself with AGO's revised photography guidelines. My reading of this policy boiled down to this: you can take photos of lots of things, as long as it is not an installation or piece of art. Let's avoid, for the moment, the crazy and indefensible argument that there are copyright restrictions that prevent the gallery from permitting photography of its exhibits. Wait, let's not avoid that. Let me say that the AGO has no idea what it is talking about. Photos of exhibits for personal use or for criticism or study cannot be restricted by the copyright act and it is clear that this policy is really concerned with profit-making motives, from sales of postcards, etc. I have taken photos in the Met and MOMA with no problem at all. Clearly, there needs to be a no flash and no tripod rule.

Maybe this is a good place to mention that the current admission costs are crazy. $18 for an adult? I think that if the AGO lowered admission prices, they'd get more visitors. I might go more often.

But, back to the story. I took photos of the barnacle staircase, Walker Court, and the Galleria Italia, as permitted, even though the latter contains exhibits, which contravenes AGO's own policy! Whatever. After peering out a window, I turned around and saw a colorful wall. Here is part of it:


A security guard ran over to tell me that this was off limits to photography. Now, I took the photo because I thought it was an interior design element. Turns out, it was art. Who knew? After all, it fit the wall perfectly, and even continued into that little space above a door frame. In other words, it looked like wall paper. Which leads me to wonder why so many installations at the AGO are designed to perfectly fit available space. As such, some seem like artificial creations. I wonder about the idea of creating a piece of art to fit a gallery space exactly, like this one.

Anyway, Mr. Security gave me the lecture, which I already knew, but the dude wouldn't accept my explanation. He just kept going over it and over it. When he finally stopped talking, I ran ahead and to catch up with my two friends. Imagine my surprise when I saw people snapping photos left, right, and centre of all manner of exhibits, throughout our stay. The difference is that they all had point & shoot digital cameras or cell phone cameras. No security intervened. I even saw people in tour snapping photos with not a single word from the tour guide. These days, if you have an SLR, you are either a terrorist or some sort of copyright pirate.

I guess I should also point out that I had no intention of running around photographing every piece of art, but I would have taken shots of two or three things, if I could have, but that's it. I was there to look at the art, not photograph it. By the way, have you seen that advertisement for Prince Edward Island (or some other Maritime province) on TV that features the interior of AGO in contravention of AGO's stated policy? I guess if you have the cash, then copyright really doesn't mean anything.

So far, not so interesting, right? Well, two hours later in some other part of the gallery, a different security guard informed me that I was carrying my jacket improperly and in such a way that might "impact the art." Jesus! I passed numerous security personnel and no one had made such a comment. This guy clearly has issues. Besides the fact that I had never ventured close enough to accidentally come into contact with any art, I am a grown man and quite aware of my personal space. I considered insulting his shoes, but decided to continue on my way to a section with less anally-retentive, less authoritarian security guards.

But, back to photography. I would have thought that the AGO would relish the idea of someone posting a story on the web about a recent visit to the gallery, maybe with a few images, to show the world how wonderful it is. That would be good (and free) publicity. Instead, the AGO just makes a few people angry, who then write posts like this, which is bad (and free) publicity. If you follow the link to the photography guidelines, you will note that many of the comments are from people pissed off by the policy.

I am not sure what was worse: the restrictions on photography or the ludicrous jacket carrying policy. Whetever the case, it will probably be a while before I am ready to return and confront the praetorian guards.

(Oh, and I didn't mention the other incident, mostly because this is way too long already).

One-Day Conference

I guess this is a good thing to do on a rainy Friday. The bad news is that I am all wet, because of my lousy rain gear. I hopped on my bike in the light rain, and, a few minutes later, it felt like I was riding in a shower, albeit a cold one. All of my clothes were completely soaked when I arrived and I spent some time using a hand dryer in a washroom in an attempt to dry myself out, but to no avail. It had no effect at all. Yet, slowly, I am drying out. I hope this does not lead to a cold or something worse, like death.

Now, I guess I should pay attention.

Two Funny Statements

1) From the almost-four-year-old:

I dreamed I ate a fly's nose last night.

2) From the almost-eight-year-old, upon seeing a cartoon featuring an old white man as American President:

They have some old strange white guy as president! Change it Barack!

Roasted Baby Hippo

During my undergrad, we joked that the "Hip of Beef" served in the cafeteria was really "Hip of Beast" or Hip o' Beast." I have learned that this curious label is ubiquitous. Students far and wide use an identical nomenclature. Hilarious. But, enough of that.

Imagine being served a plate upon which stood a tiny roasted hippopotamus! It measured no longer than seven inches from tip to tail with, perhaps, a two inch inseam. As for height, well, I would guess six inches at most. Nothing else was on the plate, just a tiny hippo that was able to stand, despite having been roasted. No veggies, no potatoes, no rice: just a tiny semi-aquatic even-toed ungulate.

Now, I am not one to panic at the prospect of undercooked food, but my hippo looked a bit rare. The hippo served to C, beside me, looked similarly undercooked, but C did not seem to mind. She prodded it with knife and fork, looking for convenient points of cleavage, and I believe she found one, though the caudal.

Rewards offered for dream-interpretation.

Why?

Does he really think this is going to keep his ass safe? The bigger question might be why the dude decided to leave his artwork behind. Is he that proud of his creation? At least he flushed, unlike the dude who used the adjoining stall. That one was ripe. Sadly, this is the closest john to my office, one that I am forced to share with the unwashed public, and I use that term loosely, as the sinks here double as foot-washing fixtures. (I know, certain cultures place great value on regular foot washing, but it doesn't please me to see a man with one foot in the sink, soon to be followed by the other).

And then there's the spitting. The sinks are often coated in it. No one flushes the urinals and the toilets are often not flushed, so it usually stinks. There is always toilet paper on the floors. Many men seem to prefer peeing in the privacy of a stall, and I have yet to encounter a single man in this bathroom who has the courtesy to lift the seat. As a result, the seats are usually covered in piss.

Naturally, I normally travel to a different floor to use a bathroom. What I really want to do is post a Bathroom Etiquette sign. Even the staff bathroom on a different floor has sign above the urinal asked the men to flush after use. If you have to ask staff to do this, you have a problem. Public washrooms are disgusting, but you didn't need me to tell you that, did you?

Je suis très occupé

Super Happy Jen a suggéré that it's about time pour une new post. "Time for a new post, Z" she says. OK, so how about this? Pendant Monday's class de français we all had to do a short présentation. No problemo, as Bart would say, or, pas de problème, as I now say.

Aside from not even recognizing some de the people who have been dans cette class pour weeks, I really had a chance to écouter to the wide range of French language skills. En général, tout le monde did a good job, mais j'ai été étonné at some of the accents. Une femme en particulier, spoke like she had quelque chose lodged in her mouth. When she a dit "je peux" it sounded comme "je purr." Maybe elle est half chat.

Le chatty Cathy, who parle tout le temps en class, was not so happy to donner sa présentation. Je pense that elle est très shy, ou quelque chose. Je ne sais pas.

Later, we have l'examen orale et l'examen written.

King Missile

I was reminded of King Missile last night when the concept of a detachable penis was raised, but I can't for the life of me remember why that topic came up. The embedding function has been disabled for this song, but you can still watch the video at Youtube, although I am not sure that this is the real video. Of course, this reminds me of:

Jesus was Way Cool



and, I am a Sensitive Artist



Whatever happened to King Missile?

Reading Update

Darren Greer - Still Life with June: Two words describe this book: disappointing and unbelievable. The BIG BAD thing made me grimace, the characters' motivations are largely not believable, some plot threads are abandoned part way through, and the whole book has an air of falseness to it. Greer is not such a bad writer, but this novel just does not work. It's a mystery how it found a publisher. Even more of a mystery is how I managed to fight my way to the end.

Ken Kalfus - A Disorder Peculiar to the Country: This might be the first novel I have read that features 9/11. Kalfus places a married couple going through a protracted and painful divorce in the midst of destruction and national confusion. The result is unexpected, humorous, and deeply troubling. I found the story to be gripping and real. Clearly, Kalfus has confidence in his writing and has created a well-paced book with not a single wasted word.

Ian McEwan - On Chesil Beach is a perfectly-written novella. It's supposed to be a novel, but novella is a much better word. In fact, it's more like a long short story. Part of me wished McEwan would have added 50 pages, but then that would take away from the central story, an interesting newlywed encounter gone wrong.

Pink

Last week, the student sitting behind me in French class was wearing a pink shirt with a tie.

Since the time I finally finished University, after three degrees, I have taken a few night classes. Currently, I am nearing the conclusion of my third French class. I have taken 4 or 5 writing classes, and a bunch of photography classes, mostly so I could get access to darkrooms, before I went digital. Dylan went electric; I went digital, and one person even called me Judas.

Last night, the student (a different one) sitting in front of me was wearing a pink shirt. I believe that he is the source of the noxious gas. It makes me wonder if he saves it up for our class. Why, I want to ask, but I am not really sure if he is to blame.

As an aide, I look back on my early days at University and wonder where the energy came from. I procrastinated then, but not as much as I do now. I am unrepentant. But then, I could procrastinate and then stay up to 3:30 AM writing about early modern political theory. Don't ask me to do that now. I can stay up for nothing.

There was a brief period of time when I wore pink. I had a pink golf shirt (collar down, if you must know) and a pink dress shirt that I often wore with a tie and sometimes a jacket. I often felt that my rugged masculinity contrasted nicely with the soft pink - the whole combination making the ladies swoon.

Test number two was last night and I had a strong nostalgic feeling. I had no panic, mind you, just a feeling like I had never left high school. I cleared my desk of all books, but retained two pens. I watched our prof hand out the test. Then, when the word was given, I scribbled my name and proceeded. I am not convinced that a test-based curriculum is the best way to instruct adults in learning a second or third language.

Tim was probably the first man I knew who felt that he was manly enough to wear pink. After a week at the construction site, he could break free on weekends: pink shirt, tie bar, shiny shoes, too much after shave, and a bit of classic rock (which, in his definition, was Phil Collins and Queen). It may have been his gay-positive side leaking out, but I am sure he would deny it. Oh, and there was Bill, too. I think he wore pink to reaffirm his masculinity, but we all knew he would eventually come out. Not that's there's anything wrong with being gay.

I have no plans to bring back the pink. As I get older, my wardrobe gets darker and darker. I must be in mourning.

Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Four Years Later

So, like my watch strap broke four years ago. A few days ago, I finally got around to buying a new one. I told you that I am an unrepentant procrastinator, as you can tell by the frequency with which I have been updating this blog. I hope that improves.

Oh, yeah, I have a Blog

Why do all cell phone plans suck? That is the question of the day. They all suck. Big time. Why? Please tell me.

ET

As if Entertainment Tonight isn't brain-numbing enough, we have Entertainment Tonight Canada. I can discern only a few differences.

1) The Canadian program occasionally throws in references to the odd Canadian celebrity. Other than that, it's a carbon copy.

2) The Canadian program is not obsessed with the so-called Octomon, which sounds to me like Spiderman's nemesis. Who really gives a sh*t about this insane woman?

3) The Canadian program has not struck some sort of clandestine deal with Satan...I mean the Osmond Family. How else can one reasonably explain the never-ending Donny and Marie appearances on the show? Is this 1976? Does anyone really care what Marie Osmond is doing?

But, both programs fail in rather spectacular fashion when it comes to any sort of critical analysis. Every movie, every show, every piece of insipid music is greeted with love and blind adoration. Why does Dancing with the C-list Celebrities get so much airtime? I have never heard of most of these people.

Oh, and there's one other thing that is irritating. The Canadian program's male host (Rick the Temp) has the voice 13 year old transsexual.

A Few Hours in the Life of ZF

6:40 - Woke up, well before I usually do, so that I could get to the passport office by 8:00.

7:00 - Reading email on my laptop during breakfast. Nature's Path has recalled a gluten-free granola-type bar because of salmonella. UPC and expiry dates match. Crap! I have already eaten 5 of the 6 bars :-( Can I sue them?

7:53 - Waited in line at the passport office, with form completed. Stupidly, I let my passport expire, and had to submit a new application. Next time, renewal. I have no confidence in the photo, but it will do for the next 5 years.

8:26 - Back outside, unlocked my bike. Bureaucracy has rarely been so efficient. What a great day: could be 16 degrees later.

9:30 - Checked my mail box to discover two cheques: $130 and $790. I wish they were really for me. Do I look like the Accounts Receivable Department?

9:33 - Checked Twitter. I am Twittering as an experiment. In library-land, Twitter is a big deal, so I decided to see what the fuss is all about. So far, I have mixed feelings. 140 characters might not be enough. Close-talker is now following me :-(

9:35 - Read email. So much garbage, and I don't necessarily mean spam.

9:46 - Remembered to start streaming Radio RFI en français.

9:48 - Absolutely delighted to learn that John Tory has gone down in flames, again. Three strikes and you're out. Stay down, John.

9:49 - Checked Facebook. Cleared my out-of-date status. I am friends with a photographer who lives in Gaza. His photo albums are very disturbing, powerful and profoundly depressing. A few photos depict unspeakable horror: a charred baby with no limbs; people lying in pools of blood. Most of us have never witnessed anything like this in person. How did he avoid getting shot in the process of taking these photos?

9:50 - Ordered a book requested by a faculty member.

10:00 - Updated photoblog and added a photo to Flickr. No death or grievous bodily harm in my photos.

10:15 - Made appointment with my doctor.

10:20 - Opened PowerPoint to revise my part of a joint presentation with a colleague on research methods. We did the first presentation last week. It goes again next week. His part is esoteric, bizarre, a tad self-indulgent. Mine is practical. We seem to be at odds.

10:28 - Feeling hungry already.

Busy Busy Busy

Or, at least it feels that way. Maybe I keep forgetting to write stuff here. Today, I had meetings and stuff. Tomorrow, I am being treated to another all-day meeting. I am actually hoping that it is not all day, so I can get some stuff done later. Mostly, I want to go grocery shopping.

Here's a song I like:

Dollhouse

I am busy today, so here are 50 words about Dollhouse:

Dollhouse generally sucks. I only wish I hadn't wasted three hours of my life watching the first three lame ass episodes. The worst thing is that I can't stand Eliza Dushku's voice. Man, it's so grating. Dollhouse will be canceled soon enough anyway, if Fox does what it usually does.

Japanese Binocular Soccer

I kid you not:

Reading Update

Sky Gilbert - English Gentleman: For me, this was not an enjoyable read. It was more like a labour, and not one of love. Maybe it's because I have never read Peter Pan and have never seen any movie or play of Peter Pan. Maybe it's because we used to make fun of Peter Pan. In fact, as children, when we didn't like someone's boots or shoes, we called them "Peter Pan getaway boots." I found the massive amount of fictitious correspondence to be rather tedious, though I will admit that it was very well done. In the end, I guess I really don't care very much about the real or fake James Barrie. I was happy when I reached the last page. I give this book 3/5.

Justin Cartwright - White Lightning: I have no idea why Justin Cartwright is not more famous. His writing appears to be effortless and he's a true pleasure to read. I can't possibly give this novel the praise it deserves here, so if you are interested, I recommend this review. I give this book 4.7/5.

Geoff Nicholson - Still Life with Volkswagens: Every now and then, one has to read something funny, something bizarre, really. How about Neo-Nazi skinheads, exploding Volkswagens, Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, and Adolf Hitler? I will have to read the first book, Street Sleeper. You might want to start with it too. I give this book 3.9/5.

Michael Winter - The Big Why: I thoroughly enjoyed This All Happened, Winter's first novel, but I would wager that this one is better. It is a thought-provoking fictional portrayal of Rockwell Kent's time in Newfoundland. Winter is someone who is clearly at ease with all facets of the English language, and one thing that impressed me is his mastery of dialogue and wit. I give this book 4.3/5.

J.M. Coetzee - In the Heart of the Country: I would describe this book as being a very challenging read, but probably one that is worthwhile. In truth, I have enjoyed some of Coetzee's other books more, but there is something compelling about this one, though it is at times a frustrating reading experience. I give this book 4.2/5.

Oscars, part 11

Here is a prediction. Someday, an American production company will film an Americanized version of Slumdog Millionaire, probably under the title of Redneck Millionaire. As we know, there is a paucity of ideas in Hollywood. If there is any justice, Regis Philbin will get to play Regis Philbin. Who knows, maybe he will win an Academy Award.

Oscars, part 10

Good night.

Oscars, part 9

Why did they drop the brief clip when nominations are read? I miss that reminder or example. Instead, we see a bunch of clips of former winners accepting their awards. This makes no sense to me.

Oscars, part 8

Best Original Song: I was happy to learn that Peter Gabriel withdrew from the Awards. He felt that the one minute allotted to him for his performance was too short, and I have to agree. They should have cut the Hugh Jackman songs and allowed the nominated songs to be performed in their entirety.

Oscars, part 7

It's Heath. No surprise there. A few sad moments here. But, my question is: why does Kevin Kline persist with a mustache?

Oscars, part 6

I will say it: the Oscars are boring this year, very boring. Hugh Jackman singing and dancing doesn't help either. His second number is painful, unlistenable really. Where is Billy Crystal?

Oscars, part 5

[Gluten-free cake break].

Oscars, part 4

Thank god count = 1.

In other news, I think my knives are too sharp. I keep cutting myself on these new ones. My old knives were so dull, it took a good deal of effort to cut anything. These ones are so sharp, I can cut myself and not feel a thing, not notice until the blood drips onto the salad.

Oscars, part 3

Tina Fey and Steve Martin made me laugh.

Oscars, part 2

The set seems claustrophobic to me, like they don't really have enough space. Why do they insist on all of this looking back stuff? No wonder the show is so long. Do we really need to be reminded of who won Oscars 70 years ago?

What ever happened to Ted Danson? I wonder this while watching Whoopi Goldberg. What's up with Goldie Hawn's boobs?

I think they might need more draconian methods of keeping the thank you speeches shorter, like maybe a trap door that winners can be dropped through should they rattle on too long, like Penelope Cruz.

Oscars, part 1

It's not over, but I can already say that Hugh Jackman's opening number is kind of dumb. Dude can sing, but I am not enjoying this at all. Where is Billy Crystal?

Red Carpet #2

Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes is brilliant casting, if you ask me. I am looking forward to that movie. I thought he was great in Wonder Boys. I loved that film.

I feel sorry for those accountants. Their tuxes just never look as good and they can't really get away with anything cutting-edge.

Red Carpet

As long as I don't have to see Joan Rivers on the red carpet, I will be happy. So far, this evening is Joan-free, and that is making me somewhat less cynical, but I am annually mystified by this spectacle of "who are you wearing?" One year, someone will walk down the red carpet with a real person draped over them. That would be something to see. Anyway, I give two thumbs up to Freida Pinto. She is quite a fetching lass.

Ban Telemarketing!

More than 3.3 million numbers were registered on the national Do-Not-Call List within a few days of it going live. So many people tried to access it, that it crashed only a few minutes after opening on its first day!

The CRTC projects that 60% of Canadians will eventually add their numbers to the list. I assume that many of the remainder are simply too busy or lazy to add their numbers. You know, like those who failed to exercise their democratic right to vote in our last election. All of this leads me to a not-so-radical solution, which is to ban telemarketing, or to make it opt-in only.

Let me repeat, 60% of Canadians are expected to add their numbers to the list. We allow a party to govern that only won 38% of the popular vote. Far more people are opposed to telemarketing than are in favour of the current government, so what's the problem? The mad dash to the Do-Not-Call list is a de facto referendum on the practice. Canadians have rarely been in such agreement about anything at any time.

Of course, I added my number, and was informed that it will take some time (I can't remember how long) for the number to be really added. Oddly, the number of unwanted calls INCREASED immediately. I have had more calls from telemarketers than before I added my number! WTF? If I were a conspiracy theorist, I'd have lots to say about that.

Personally, I hate telemarketing more than spam (the unsolicited email, not the dubious canned meat).

Shining 'cross this dark highway where our sins lie unatoned

It was cold yesterday morning, but not too cold. Minus 4 degrees Celsius, if I remember correctly. That's a fine cycling temperature. It's a hell of a lot better than plus 30, that's for sure. One sweats in those conditions, and risks arriving at work in need of a shower. Yeah, it's gross. On those days, I ride slowly, slowly. But yesterday, the roads were clear but not because the City of Toronto finally managed to properly clear the roads. The warm weather had intervened and returned the roads to a more cycling-friendly state. They were flat, ice-free, open.

At this time of year, I think people start hankering for spring. It's a bit too soon. Yesterday morning, I saw a guy cycling with no gloves and wearing only a fleece for warmth. Clearly, he suffers from delusions. Later, waiting at a traffic light (something many cyclists don't bother to do), I heard some music. At the next light, I realized that the music was coming from a car right beside me.

I guess he thought it was spring. The windows were down, the cold air flowing through his hair. If one is going to blast the tunes with the windows down, certain musical choices have to be made. Some music just doesn't work, especially in association with certain automobiles. I mean, you can't blast Madonna...well, unless you are driving a PT Cruiser or a VW Beetle or maybe even a Mini Cooper. I don't think it is OK to drive a muscle car are treat the neighbourhood to the musical stylings of ABBA, for example.

So, I look over and notice that this dude is driving a nondescript American-type car. Out of his windows came My Father's House, from Bruce Springsteen's Nebraska album. I was actually quite stunned. Most people on the planet consider Nebraska to be one of the most boring albums ever made. Not this guy: he had it cranked. But, I realized that his car agreed with the music.

This morning it is snowing again and the roads are being dusted in white.

PR Stunt?

I would say yes:

There are rumours that he is working on a mockumentary.

4 Day Weekend

I spent day one cleaning. I vacuumed the whole house, mopped the floors, ran the dishwasher, cleaned all of the crap out from under the kitchen sink. The bathroom awaits my attention. I also went grocery shopping and made a trip to get light bulbs, of all things. Oh, and I am cooking dinner right now. I would call this spring cleaning, except that there is no spring. I might have to do laundry too. But, that would lead to ironing, and I am not sure if this is a good day for that.

Music

Since my blogging enthusiasm is awaiting a reboot, I offer an update on some recent music acquisitions, in short, non-grammatical utterances.

Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes: Seattle dudes. Quintet, harmonic, baroque-ish, pop. Maybe Bob Dylan meets the Beach Boys.



The Most Serene Republic - Underwater Cinematographer: Not Venice. Milton's most famous band. Milton's only band? Indie rock.



David Byrne & Brian Eno - Everything that Happens will Happen Today: Electronic gospel? From two icons, the father of ambient music and that new wave dude. Good track, this one.

Running42K

For those of you who are wondering, yes, he is still alive, so stop worrying :-) We exchanged email today. Perhaps one day, he will make a reappearance, like New Kids on the Block did this year.

Grammy's, part 10

Album of the Year: Raising Sand :-) That's a good choice.

Grammy's, part 9

Paul McCartney with Dave Grohl wasn't too bad, I have to say.
I might get a hat, after seeing Jack Black sporting a hat. Why have I avoided hats for so much of my life? Why do the Grammy's wait until everyone is dead before giving them a lifetime achievement award?

Male Vocal Performance: bunch of garbage, but John Mayer is probably the least offensive.

Radiohead: Now that is a cool performance! I am sure this will be the pinnacle of the night.

Grammy's, part 8

Please Read the Letter is a great song. I am happy it won.

Grammy's, part 7

Stevie Wonder with the Jonas Brothers? Get real.
Blink 182 is back! Who cares?
Best Rock album: If there was any justice, the Raconteurs would have won.
That Katy Perry song is ridiculous, despite the positive message contained therein.
I wonder what people would say if I showed up dressed like Kayne West.

Grammy's, part 6

I am not a fan of the Kid Rock song (the one that rips off Lynard Skynard, but I will admit to liking the video. Miley Cyrus can't sing, or perhaps I should say that I hate her voice (even her speaking voice).

Thank God Robert Plant and Alison Krauss won. I love the album they recorded and, although I am a huge Led Zeppelin fan, I really don't care if the band ever tours again. I'd like the pair of them to make some more music, though. In other words, I am for new music.

Grammy's, part 5

Song of the year. Well, Coldplay was the best of the lot, if you ask me.

Grammy's, part 4

Speaking of musical messes, there's Carrie Underwood. What kind of ridiculous song is that? It just occurred to me that there is no host. Why? I guess I should point out that I really hate country music, so I have nothing to say about that category. Country music just sounds ridiculous to me, and I mean both in lyrics and in sound.

Grammy's, part 3

I don't hate Coldplay, but I am not a huge fan. They are OK. I was a bit mystified when I first heard Viva la Vida. It struck me as being a bit of a mess, or maybe I just didn't get it. I seriously do not get the duet with the rapper (whoever he is). The whole performance is a mess. Viva la Vida has grown on me a bit, but maybe I have just gotten used to it.

Grammy's, part 2

Whitney Houston sounds like she is on drugs.

Why do people (Jennifer Hudson, for example) thank God so much? I firmly believe that God has nothing to do with it.

Listening to Justin Timberlake sing along side Al Green highlights which one is really a singer and which one isn't.

Grammy's

While editing some photos, I kept one eye on the silly red carpet phenomenon. Who cares what people are wearing? Well, Paula Abdul looked ridiculous. And now, the show commences, and I will continue to keep one eye on it, because although I think that the Grammy's reward mediocrity, there are some good people nominated or performing, and I don't mean U2.

I finally got my very own MacBook :-) I wish. My laptop is having some age-related issues. I will need a new one soon. Too bad Macs are so expensive, because I'd really like one, especially a MacBook Pro.

I cycled again today on the coldest day of the year. The temperature was -20°C, or -28°C with the windchill, but probably more like -35°C with my self-generated windchill. My feet and face were kind of cold after the 7.2 KMs, but the rest of me was fine, I think.

Unfortunately, I heard a few bars of a song I loathe this morning, and now it is lodged in my brain. I really hate it when that happens.

Gran Torino

[...caution - spoiler ahead...]

I know, this movie is getting tons of love. It has won awards. It is raking in the dough. Critics say good things about it. People laud Eastwood's acting. Et moi? I am not so sure. I am not so easily convinced.

For one thing, the acting generally sucks. Someone cast a gang of actors that simply cannot act. Eastwood's acting is as to be expected. In other words, it is predictable. He speaks through clenched teeth like he is still Dirty Harry. He grunts, groans, and generally acts far cooler than is humanly possible for someone his age. But, that is not the problem.

I bet that the rest of the cast had never acted a day in their lives. It's not atrocious acting by any means, but it is wooden, stiff, and unbelievable. But, the major problem with Gran Torino is the transformation undergone by Eastwood's character. I don't buy it.

I don't buy his transformation from a racist jerk to a sympathetic angel willing to sacrifice his life for people he hated just a few days earlier. The audience salivates for a Dirty Harry bloodbath and are left wanting. Instead, we are left to ponder a huge self-sacrifice that is as troubling as it is unbelievable. And, the last sacrificial act violates one of the central tenants about the ethnic group he has come to know and understand: they don't talk, so all of the witnesses are useless and the last act is contradictory, pointless, and convenient.

On the other hand, the movie was free, so I don't feel robbed.

Post-Conference

Normally, I would provide a detailed post-conference review in which I poke fun at librarians and what not. Instead, I will offer this, my favourite conversation from the conference:

Fellow Librarian: "I heard that your session was excellent."
ZF: "Really? Who told you that?"
Fellow Librarian: "Your co-presenter."
ZF: "She did? Isn't that an odd thing to say about her own session?"
Fellow Librarian: "She said you are a really good speaker?"
ZF: "Oh, well, in that case."

Things should have slowed down after the conference, but I have to run off and do an instructional session. It never ends.

My Lunch with Justin Trudeau

On the way out, C. and I agreed that Mr. Trudeau had nothing to say to the librarians gathered to hear him speak. He spoke in platitudes and soundbites, praising education and damning global warming, for example. Of course, he spoke in favour of libraries and librarians. I really hate it when plenary speakers and lunch speakers resort to offering us their first library experience or professing their love of books. It's so obvious and boring.

C. noted that his speech was too political, and I agree, in that he sounded exactly like what he is - a politician. What do you expect from politicians but guarded and safe statements designed to offend no one, to congratulate the predictable, and walk the line? Justin has indeed matured into a good politician. But, his speech was a non-event and a let down. In the Q&A that followed, he really lost his way.

Librarians are staunch supporters of intellectual freedom, of access to information, and we oppose censorship. So, when a public librarian asked Mr. Trudeau what the government planned to do about those who would use public computers to access such things as pornography, he gave a dangerous and problematic answer. It seems that he favours some sort of filtering to prevent such access.

The solution is not to filter internet traffic, for that is censorship and it leads to all sorts of thorny issues like who gets to decide what is offensive? Who gets to decide what exceeds society's tolerance? Is a same-sex dating site offensive? I bet many would say yes. Filtering is a slippery slope and that is one of the reasons librarians oppose it.

Internet filtering can have detrimental and unintended effects. For example, access to web sites offering information about breast cancer and AIDS are often blocked by filtering software.

I give Trudeau a failing grade in his answer to this question. So, Mr. Trudeau, if you are reading this (fat chance), please review the Canadian Library Association's Position Statement on Intellectual Freedom. You might also find the Position Statement on Internet Access illuminating. You will find similar statements from various national library associations.

On a more positive note, the invitation of Mr. Trudeau resulted in a phenomenon I had never witnessed before at this conference. Virtually the entire room stayed firmly glued to their chairs, everyone's attention riveted on the speaker. Such is the kind of audience the offspring of one of Canada's most influential and famous public figures can attract. Normally, I feel sorry for the speaker at lunch because there is a constant flow of people exiting, which I always feel is exceedingly rude. I don't buy the answer that they are all rushing off to catch planes and trains, as evidenced by the audience's keen attention today. He managed to hold everyone's attention, but he failed to deliver, although I think his seat in parliament is secure for as long as he wants it.

Conference

I am off to a conference for the remainder of the week and Saturday. That's an indictment of my chosen profession. No self-respecting profession would schedule a conference on a weekend. As far as I can determine, all library conferences bleed into the weekend. We are weak.

In other news, I find it fascinating that some people are thinking about the Year 10,000 Problem. Y2K was a bust. I had expected something disastrous to happen and was severely disappointed when it didn't. That guy who invented the Y2K problem ought to have been fined.

If you can find a good defense against death, it might not save you. It is estimated that somewhere between the year 600,000,000 and 3,500,000,000, the Earth's oceans will evaporate. In the year 5,000,000,000, our sun will become a red giant and all things here will die. Damn. Immortality has its downside. I just hope the end of the world doesn't happen on a Saturday.

Later...

I Continue to Ignore the Blogospshere (until, maybe, next week)

This has been a crazy month, but part of the blame for that is my poor organizational skills. If only I could properly organize my time, I could accomplish so much more. I could study physics and molecular biochemistry in my spare time. I could read more. It would be awesome, truly awesome.

I am in a job that has essentially no supervision. That is good and bad, and I am always left to wonder what it is that other people are doing in their offices. I have no answers. It's clear with the staff, for they are on display. They have nowhere to hide, no walls, no privacy. We can eat in our offices, if we choose to, and sometimes I do. But staff, well, they have to head to the staff room where it is deathly silent. You can hear a pin drop. You can hear people chew, a sound I just do not like. I rarely have conversations in that room, because everyone will hear what you are saying. So, I try not to make any noises.

But, I observe the patterns. One guy sits in the same chair every day at lunch with his winter coat on, iPod fired up, and a book in his hands. I sense that he is trying to isolate himself by a factor of three. I have never seen him eat anything. One brave person talks to family on her cell phone, but I am sure no one can understand her mother tongue. A colleague complained but I like the sound of human interaction. I like that someone is brave enough to attack the silence.

The most fascinating guy is the one with about 7 children. His faith prevents the use of prophylactics, and so the family continues to grow. He reads his bible during lunch. You can see his lips move as his index finger traces lines of text. He has a special edition bible, bound in leather--or faux-leather--and a zipper. After lunch, he tucks the bookmark in place, zips it up, and places it in his backpack. Somehow, he looks happier, but I am not sure if it is the food or the words or both.

Damn

Still busy, doing stuff. Sometimes I wonder why I agree to speak at conferences...

Inauguration (ĭn-ô'gyə-rā'shən)

1. Formal induction into office.
2. A formal beginning or introduction.

I am watching.

Freezing Blackout

The power went out at 10:00 PM last night and stayed out until 8:30 this morning, on one of the coldest nights of the year. That was unpleasant, and it made me realize that I am not really prepared for long power outages in winter. The good news is that the power failure happened after I roasted a chicken :-)

That was Cold

(I am taking a small break from the document I am editing).

It was -22° Celsius (that's -7.600000000000001° for those of you who use the antiquated Fahrenheit scale) when I hopped on my bicycle this morning. Now, my forward motion through the Alberta Clipper must have created an added wind-chill. At -25°, skin is in danger of freezing, but I had forgotten about that during the ride. I was quite warm, except for my face, of course. And, my feet were a bit chilly, which momentarily concerned me when I reflected on the fate of Robert Peary's feet.

Robert Peary lost eight of his toes during his first failed attempt to reach the North Pole. He elected to have the other two hacked off to make things even, I suppose. The good news is that my toes did not freeze. In truth, I have cycled in colder weather. Next time (probably tomorrow), I will double up on the socks.

In case you think I am insane, I would like to point out that I counted eight other cyclists on the roads this morning. And, I got my daily exercise.

ZF is Busy

I am sitting in my office, listening to the Orchestral Def Leppard and wishing I had more time. My business plan is awaiting completion; I am preparing for the next conference presentation; French class starts tonight. How did this happen? I am failing to read the blogs I usually read. I will be happy when January is over.

But, I did see parts of the Golden Globe Awards last night. I liked Salma Hayek's dress. Ricky Gervais was funny. Why wasn't he the host? Dustin Hoffman has turned into some sort of freaky boring automaton. Maybe he is a puppet. Tina Fey had the best thank you speech. I am happy for Kate Winslet. When did Clint Eastwood start writing music? I learned that I have a lot of films to see.

That's all.

January is going to be a very busy month for me :-(

Soaking Tired...and TV

During the long drive back from the rural parts of Ontario, my three-year-old uttered this profound statement: "I am soaking tired." I love that.

I have already mentioned that the second X-Files film sucks eggs, right? Just in case you missed me making such a statement, it sucks. But, there is some good TV these days. For example, I have just seen season two of Californication. I was a little freaked out by episode one of season two, 'cause it sucked. I hated that episode, but things got back on track. Season three will be here in late 2009.

I enjoyed season three of Dexter very much. True, the premise is a little difficult to believe, but it is enjoyable and it makes me want to go to Miami. It has been renewed for two more seasons :-)

Vince Gilligan, my favourite X-Files writer, has come through with a really amazing show called Breaking Bad. It has also been renewed for another season. If you ever get the chance, check this out. Here's the opening scenes (one and two) of the premiere episode.

And now, a meeting...

Movies Movies Movies

Yup, I saw some movies over the break. Which ones, you ask? Let me tell you:

JCVD - I should probably first point out that I had never seen a Jean-Claude Van Damme film. This was the first one for me. But, before I get to all of that, I just have to say that something odd occurred before the movie began. As usual, I headed to the bathroom to relieve my bladder. There's nothing worse than realizing that one has to micturate during a film. It ruins the film.

So, I head into the bathroom and am stunned to see a man standing in front of a urinal with his pants around his ankles. His large tartan boxer shorts were hauled down to just below his butts cheeks, offering an unobstructed view of his amble ass cleavage. In case anyone is confused as to why this might be strange, it is not socially acceptable to drop your trousers to piss in public. In fact, this should not be done in private either.

At first, I thought he must have been homeless, but he clearly had enough cash to pay his admission. I made sure my visit was a short one. And now, on to the film.

JCVD is a good film, but I think some of it must have been lost on me, since my knowledge of JC is very limited. I rate this a 4/5.

X-Files: I want to Believe - I want to believe that this is the last X-Files movie. If this is the best script they can come up with, they are in serious trouble. I give this disaster 0/5. It doesn't even really qualify as an X-File anyway. Besides, David Duchovny is Hank Moody to me now. And, why did they have to kill off Lou Ashby?

Let the Right One In - I saw this before the Christmas break. This is a really fabulous movie. If possible, I recommend that you see it without any foreknowledge of the plot or concept. I think it would make the experience even more interesting. This is a 5/5 film.

Alien, Aliens, Alien³, Alien Ressurection - I think this franchise proves the theory of the law of diminishing marginal utility, even if we ignore the AVP films. I would rate these as 5/5, 4/5, 3/5, and 2/5, respectively.

Happy New Year, and all that

If I can't win the lottery, why can't someone I know win the lottery, like my father or sister? That would be almost as good, as I am fairly sure they would offer me some cash (unless I have completely misread them and overestimated their fondness for me). My grandmother is another story: her memory is deteriorating, and she would have great difficulty deciding what to do with all of that cash or even remembering who her relatives are.

When I walked into her house at Christmas (the door was not only unlocked, it was ajar, so that her neighbours can easily enter. I am not sure that this is a good idea. She wears a Lifeline around her neck, and two people call her daily to make sure that she is still alive. In November, she turned 89.

She looked at me blankly and I realized that I would have to give her my name. The first name wasn't good enough, so I had to add my surname. Still, she looked at me blankly. The two children were with me, so I guess I looked harmless enough, so she allowed me in without any fuss or complaints. I referred to my mother, sister, father, etc, to see if I could spark a memory. Finally, she seemed to get it, but then she suggested that I had never been to her house before, a house she has lived in for 33 years. She could not remember the names of the kids.

She announced relationships for every person she mentioned. Her daughter-in-law was not simply S_____, she was "S_____, my son's wife." You would have thought that she was talking to a stranger or someone she hadn't seen in 25 years. She offered us inedible candies, which were only marginally better than the Humbugs she used to dispense in my youth, Humbugs that were suspiciously without cellophane and which seemed always to be covered in pocket lint.

She ignored the gifts we brought to her, complained that she accidentally gave one of her grandchildren $5 too much at Christmas, and described in great detail how horrified she was about some gifts she had received. One top had a zipper all of the way up the front, right to her chin! She argued that no one would wear anything like that. The waist of the pants was too high or too low or something. She told this person never to buy her another gift.

Bah humbug, I suppose.

The Best of Zydeco Fish 2008 (see: best of 2007, 2006; 2005; 2004; 2003)

It's finally that time of the year again, folks. These are some of my fav posts from the last year. I hope you are having a wonderful holiday.

1) Ringo has a Really Big Nose - Conversations with six-year-olds are always amusing.
2) George W. Bush vs. Dan Quayle - Sometimes, weird things happen when I am cycling.
3) Just Say No! - Or, why I now hate the Songwriters Association of Canada.
4) A Political Detour - Or, oh, how I hate John McCain.
5) From the Mouth of a three-and-a-half-year old - He tells it like it is.
6) Smart Casual - About conference dress codes and Velcro.
7) Overrated - A series of ten posts, some funnier than others (not to be taken too seriously).
8) Pee Mobile - Solving the energy crisis, one leak at a time.
9) A Play in Two Acts - A bleak outlook on the world of business and communication.
10) 666, A Stream of Consciousness Post - Let the metal flow.

Since I am on vacation, I have been ignoring this blog. I have been preoccupied with mistletoe, eggnog, and reindeer recipes. But, I am also compiling my annual Best Of ZF. Stay tuned for that.

'Tis the Season

for not posting.

On Giving it Away for Free

People often want to use some of the photos that I have posted on Flickr. My policy has always been to permit not-for-profit organizations to use images (depending on the image) without charge as long as they provide a photo credit and a link back, if possible. I will ask if the org has a budget to acquire photos, and occasionally they do. If the organization is a business or some other money-making venture, then I will charge. Not everyone feels this way.

Too many photographers on Flickr, and probably other photo sharing sites, give it away for free, just to see their photo in print. A contact of mine recently allowed Parks Canada to use a photo in a national brochure for free! That's insane. People like this are doing a serious disservice to professional photographers. If we are all willing to give our work away, how can people who earn a living from photography be expected to stay in business? They are screwing their professional friends.

Recently, a very large Canadian law firm asked to use a photo of mine for some holiday correspondence. I negotiated a fee of $500. The law firm dude told me that he was searching for several photos, but that my price was OK with the company. I heard from this firm one more time, and then they evidently found a few suckers who were willing to surrender their photos to a huge corporation for absolutely no compensation. I am not really too concerned about the cash, though it would have been nice. I am really irritated that these yahoos don't get it.

Submitting a photo to a literary, art, or photography journal is different. Giving your photo to anyone who asks is wrong, especially if they are using it to promote their business and increase profits. Wise up, people.

Hmm....

More Three-year-old Musings

Not for the first time, my son has commented on the disparity in size between our penises. For example, yesterday, he said: "Yours is a really really big penis. It's huge! It's a really big one. [pause] I have a tiny penis." Sure, it's an amusing comment, maybe even funny, but it makes me a bit sad to hear him lament the size of his boyhood.

I try to reassure him. He will grow up and have a big one too. A big penis, with all it's attendant rights, privileges, and responsibilities is something to look forward to. Strangely, his comments always make me stop to consider circumcision.

Lots of men justify having their sons circumcised so that they will look "the same" as they do, or so the boy won't look "different." I suppose these dads don't want any uncomfortable questions about why they lack a foreskin. It my opinion, this is a red herring, because my son hasn't even noticed. He notices the difference in size and that's it.

When boys grow up, they can enjoy their big penises. Once they have had their foreskin cut off, they will never get it back.

Quote of the Day

From the 3.5 year old:

"Monkeys like to eat bananas, just like real people."

Purged

That feels better. I just deleted a whole whack of draft posts that were making me feel guilty for not having finished them, or stupid for having started to write something so dumb. Now I feel smart and on top of things. It's like the word procrastination doesn't exist.

Happy Friday and have a good weekend.

And the Answer is ...

The GG granted the PM permission to prorogue parliament, which was not unexpected. And now, meetings and such for me. I am thinking that I should prorogue my next meeting.

Ignorant Parrots

The current political "crisis" in Canada has emphasized for me just how ignorant the average Canadian is about our political system. I have read blog posts, Facebook posts, and comments here and there that describe coalition action as being undemocratic, illegal, and unethical. One uneducated person referred to it as a coup d’état! It is none of the above, though I will admit that the situation is bizarre and unusual. To these people, I want to say: "go enroll in a first year overview course on Canadian Politics at your local University!" And, I would bet that a good deal of the people urging Harper to prorogue parliament had never even heard the word prorogue until this week.

But, the whole episode points to a problem in the blogosphere where unsubstantiated statements are repeated with no critical investigation. So, Harper's incorrect comments about the legality of the situation are passed around as gospel. One person uses the word illegal, and suddenly, it is repeated on tons of neocon blogs. I am sure the same happens in reverse on left wing blogs. The web is so polarized that it makes the traditional news outlets appear balanced.

I am not 100% comfortable with this coalition. It is odd in so many ways. Here we have a bizarre array of disparate groups coalescing to form a government. The person to be installed as PM lost the last election quite badly, and was forced to resign. The Bloc has aspirations of changing the constitutional landscape of this nation. Yes, it is odd and strange. But folks, it is not illegal. There is nothing illegal about this coalition seeking the Confidence of the House should the current government lose a vote of Confidence, as is likely to happen should Harper resist the option to prorogue Parliament.

At times like these, when any yahoo can post misinformed rants on the web, I really wish that political education was compulsory. Having to explain what confidence means in the context of a Westminster Parliamentary system is tiresome. Having to explain the concept of Responsible Government is also tiresome. It is irritating too, because one feels like one is bashing one's head against a brick wall. These people are so recalcitrant, so blinded by political allegiances, that they fail to listen to fact. They fail to recall that Harper himself once sought an alliance with the BQ.

This rant comes out of bizarre online exchange I had with supporters of Harper who kept arguing that this alliance is illegal. And then, they argued quite vehemently that Harper should prorogue Parliament when such a course of action would be seen as an affront to our parliamentary traditions.

Sadly, the web is full of uniformed amateur journalists who think they know the answers without having done their homework. Go back to school, people and learn something about our system of government before you spread more disinformation and Tory propaganda.

Today

Is my birthday.