Oscars, part 10

Good night.

Oscars, part 9

Why did they drop the brief clip when nominations are read? I miss that reminder or example. Instead, we see a bunch of clips of former winners accepting their awards. This makes no sense to me.

Oscars, part 8

Best Original Song: I was happy to learn that Peter Gabriel withdrew from the Awards. He felt that the one minute allotted to him for his performance was too short, and I have to agree. They should have cut the Hugh Jackman songs and allowed the nominated songs to be performed in their entirety.

Oscars, part 7

It's Heath. No surprise there. A few sad moments here. But, my question is: why does Kevin Kline persist with a mustache?

Oscars, part 6

I will say it: the Oscars are boring this year, very boring. Hugh Jackman singing and dancing doesn't help either. His second number is painful, unlistenable really. Where is Billy Crystal?

Oscars, part 5

[Gluten-free cake break].

Oscars, part 4

Thank god count = 1.

In other news, I think my knives are too sharp. I keep cutting myself on these new ones. My old knives were so dull, it took a good deal of effort to cut anything. These ones are so sharp, I can cut myself and not feel a thing, not notice until the blood drips onto the salad.

Oscars, part 3

Tina Fey and Steve Martin made me laugh.

Oscars, part 2

The set seems claustrophobic to me, like they don't really have enough space. Why do they insist on all of this looking back stuff? No wonder the show is so long. Do we really need to be reminded of who won Oscars 70 years ago?

What ever happened to Ted Danson? I wonder this while watching Whoopi Goldberg. What's up with Goldie Hawn's boobs?

I think they might need more draconian methods of keeping the thank you speeches shorter, like maybe a trap door that winners can be dropped through should they rattle on too long, like Penelope Cruz.

Oscars, part 1

It's not over, but I can already say that Hugh Jackman's opening number is kind of dumb. Dude can sing, but I am not enjoying this at all. Where is Billy Crystal?

Red Carpet #2

Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes is brilliant casting, if you ask me. I am looking forward to that movie. I thought he was great in Wonder Boys. I loved that film.

I feel sorry for those accountants. Their tuxes just never look as good and they can't really get away with anything cutting-edge.

Red Carpet

As long as I don't have to see Joan Rivers on the red carpet, I will be happy. So far, this evening is Joan-free, and that is making me somewhat less cynical, but I am annually mystified by this spectacle of "who are you wearing?" One year, someone will walk down the red carpet with a real person draped over them. That would be something to see. Anyway, I give two thumbs up to Freida Pinto. She is quite a fetching lass.

Ban Telemarketing!

More than 3.3 million numbers were registered on the national Do-Not-Call List within a few days of it going live. So many people tried to access it, that it crashed only a few minutes after opening on its first day!

The CRTC projects that 60% of Canadians will eventually add their numbers to the list. I assume that many of the remainder are simply too busy or lazy to add their numbers. You know, like those who failed to exercise their democratic right to vote in our last election. All of this leads me to a not-so-radical solution, which is to ban telemarketing, or to make it opt-in only.

Let me repeat, 60% of Canadians are expected to add their numbers to the list. We allow a party to govern that only won 38% of the popular vote. Far more people are opposed to telemarketing than are in favour of the current government, so what's the problem? The mad dash to the Do-Not-Call list is a de facto referendum on the practice. Canadians have rarely been in such agreement about anything at any time.

Of course, I added my number, and was informed that it will take some time (I can't remember how long) for the number to be really added. Oddly, the number of unwanted calls INCREASED immediately. I have had more calls from telemarketers than before I added my number! WTF? If I were a conspiracy theorist, I'd have lots to say about that.

Personally, I hate telemarketing more than spam (the unsolicited email, not the dubious canned meat).

Shining 'cross this dark highway where our sins lie unatoned

It was cold yesterday morning, but not too cold. Minus 4 degrees Celsius, if I remember correctly. That's a fine cycling temperature. It's a hell of a lot better than plus 30, that's for sure. One sweats in those conditions, and risks arriving at work in need of a shower. Yeah, it's gross. On those days, I ride slowly, slowly. But yesterday, the roads were clear but not because the City of Toronto finally managed to properly clear the roads. The warm weather had intervened and returned the roads to a more cycling-friendly state. They were flat, ice-free, open.

At this time of year, I think people start hankering for spring. It's a bit too soon. Yesterday morning, I saw a guy cycling with no gloves and wearing only a fleece for warmth. Clearly, he suffers from delusions. Later, waiting at a traffic light (something many cyclists don't bother to do), I heard some music. At the next light, I realized that the music was coming from a car right beside me.

I guess he thought it was spring. The windows were down, the cold air flowing through his hair. If one is going to blast the tunes with the windows down, certain musical choices have to be made. Some music just doesn't work, especially in association with certain automobiles. I mean, you can't blast Madonna...well, unless you are driving a PT Cruiser or a VW Beetle or maybe even a Mini Cooper. I don't think it is OK to drive a muscle car are treat the neighbourhood to the musical stylings of ABBA, for example.

So, I look over and notice that this dude is driving a nondescript American-type car. Out of his windows came My Father's House, from Bruce Springsteen's Nebraska album. I was actually quite stunned. Most people on the planet consider Nebraska to be one of the most boring albums ever made. Not this guy: he had it cranked. But, I realized that his car agreed with the music.

This morning it is snowing again and the roads are being dusted in white.

PR Stunt?

I would say yes:

There are rumours that he is working on a mockumentary.

4 Day Weekend

I spent day one cleaning. I vacuumed the whole house, mopped the floors, ran the dishwasher, cleaned all of the crap out from under the kitchen sink. The bathroom awaits my attention. I also went grocery shopping and made a trip to get light bulbs, of all things. Oh, and I am cooking dinner right now. I would call this spring cleaning, except that there is no spring. I might have to do laundry too. But, that would lead to ironing, and I am not sure if this is a good day for that.

Music

Since my blogging enthusiasm is awaiting a reboot, I offer an update on some recent music acquisitions, in short, non-grammatical utterances.

Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes: Seattle dudes. Quintet, harmonic, baroque-ish, pop. Maybe Bob Dylan meets the Beach Boys.



The Most Serene Republic - Underwater Cinematographer: Not Venice. Milton's most famous band. Milton's only band? Indie rock.



David Byrne & Brian Eno - Everything that Happens will Happen Today: Electronic gospel? From two icons, the father of ambient music and that new wave dude. Good track, this one.

Running42K

For those of you who are wondering, yes, he is still alive, so stop worrying :-) We exchanged email today. Perhaps one day, he will make a reappearance, like New Kids on the Block did this year.

Grammy's, part 10

Album of the Year: Raising Sand :-) That's a good choice.

Grammy's, part 9

Paul McCartney with Dave Grohl wasn't too bad, I have to say.
I might get a hat, after seeing Jack Black sporting a hat. Why have I avoided hats for so much of my life? Why do the Grammy's wait until everyone is dead before giving them a lifetime achievement award?

Male Vocal Performance: bunch of garbage, but John Mayer is probably the least offensive.

Radiohead: Now that is a cool performance! I am sure this will be the pinnacle of the night.

Grammy's, part 8

Please Read the Letter is a great song. I am happy it won.

Grammy's, part 7

Stevie Wonder with the Jonas Brothers? Get real.
Blink 182 is back! Who cares?
Best Rock album: If there was any justice, the Raconteurs would have won.
That Katy Perry song is ridiculous, despite the positive message contained therein.
I wonder what people would say if I showed up dressed like Kayne West.

Grammy's, part 6

I am not a fan of the Kid Rock song (the one that rips off Lynard Skynard, but I will admit to liking the video. Miley Cyrus can't sing, or perhaps I should say that I hate her voice (even her speaking voice).

Thank God Robert Plant and Alison Krauss won. I love the album they recorded and, although I am a huge Led Zeppelin fan, I really don't care if the band ever tours again. I'd like the pair of them to make some more music, though. In other words, I am for new music.

Grammy's, part 5

Song of the year. Well, Coldplay was the best of the lot, if you ask me.

Grammy's, part 4

Speaking of musical messes, there's Carrie Underwood. What kind of ridiculous song is that? It just occurred to me that there is no host. Why? I guess I should point out that I really hate country music, so I have nothing to say about that category. Country music just sounds ridiculous to me, and I mean both in lyrics and in sound.

Grammy's, part 3

I don't hate Coldplay, but I am not a huge fan. They are OK. I was a bit mystified when I first heard Viva la Vida. It struck me as being a bit of a mess, or maybe I just didn't get it. I seriously do not get the duet with the rapper (whoever he is). The whole performance is a mess. Viva la Vida has grown on me a bit, but maybe I have just gotten used to it.

Grammy's, part 2

Whitney Houston sounds like she is on drugs.

Why do people (Jennifer Hudson, for example) thank God so much? I firmly believe that God has nothing to do with it.

Listening to Justin Timberlake sing along side Al Green highlights which one is really a singer and which one isn't.

Grammy's

While editing some photos, I kept one eye on the silly red carpet phenomenon. Who cares what people are wearing? Well, Paula Abdul looked ridiculous. And now, the show commences, and I will continue to keep one eye on it, because although I think that the Grammy's reward mediocrity, there are some good people nominated or performing, and I don't mean U2.

I finally got my very own MacBook :-) I wish. My laptop is having some age-related issues. I will need a new one soon. Too bad Macs are so expensive, because I'd really like one, especially a MacBook Pro.

I cycled again today on the coldest day of the year. The temperature was -20°C, or -28°C with the windchill, but probably more like -35°C with my self-generated windchill. My feet and face were kind of cold after the 7.2 KMs, but the rest of me was fine, I think.

Unfortunately, I heard a few bars of a song I loathe this morning, and now it is lodged in my brain. I really hate it when that happens.

Gran Torino

[...caution - spoiler ahead...]

I know, this movie is getting tons of love. It has won awards. It is raking in the dough. Critics say good things about it. People laud Eastwood's acting. Et moi? I am not so sure. I am not so easily convinced.

For one thing, the acting generally sucks. Someone cast a gang of actors that simply cannot act. Eastwood's acting is as to be expected. In other words, it is predictable. He speaks through clenched teeth like he is still Dirty Harry. He grunts, groans, and generally acts far cooler than is humanly possible for someone his age. But, that is not the problem.

I bet that the rest of the cast had never acted a day in their lives. It's not atrocious acting by any means, but it is wooden, stiff, and unbelievable. But, the major problem with Gran Torino is the transformation undergone by Eastwood's character. I don't buy it.

I don't buy his transformation from a racist jerk to a sympathetic angel willing to sacrifice his life for people he hated just a few days earlier. The audience salivates for a Dirty Harry bloodbath and are left wanting. Instead, we are left to ponder a huge self-sacrifice that is as troubling as it is unbelievable. And, the last sacrificial act violates one of the central tenants about the ethnic group he has come to know and understand: they don't talk, so all of the witnesses are useless and the last act is contradictory, pointless, and convenient.

On the other hand, the movie was free, so I don't feel robbed.

Post-Conference

Normally, I would provide a detailed post-conference review in which I poke fun at librarians and what not. Instead, I will offer this, my favourite conversation from the conference:

Fellow Librarian: "I heard that your session was excellent."
ZF: "Really? Who told you that?"
Fellow Librarian: "Your co-presenter."
ZF: "She did? Isn't that an odd thing to say about her own session?"
Fellow Librarian: "She said you are a really good speaker?"
ZF: "Oh, well, in that case."

Things should have slowed down after the conference, but I have to run off and do an instructional session. It never ends.

My Lunch with Justin Trudeau

On the way out, C. and I agreed that Mr. Trudeau had nothing to say to the librarians gathered to hear him speak. He spoke in platitudes and soundbites, praising education and damning global warming, for example. Of course, he spoke in favour of libraries and librarians. I really hate it when plenary speakers and lunch speakers resort to offering us their first library experience or professing their love of books. It's so obvious and boring.

C. noted that his speech was too political, and I agree, in that he sounded exactly like what he is - a politician. What do you expect from politicians but guarded and safe statements designed to offend no one, to congratulate the predictable, and walk the line? Justin has indeed matured into a good politician. But, his speech was a non-event and a let down. In the Q&A that followed, he really lost his way.

Librarians are staunch supporters of intellectual freedom, of access to information, and we oppose censorship. So, when a public librarian asked Mr. Trudeau what the government planned to do about those who would use public computers to access such things as pornography, he gave a dangerous and problematic answer. It seems that he favours some sort of filtering to prevent such access.

The solution is not to filter internet traffic, for that is censorship and it leads to all sorts of thorny issues like who gets to decide what is offensive? Who gets to decide what exceeds society's tolerance? Is a same-sex dating site offensive? I bet many would say yes. Filtering is a slippery slope and that is one of the reasons librarians oppose it.

Internet filtering can have detrimental and unintended effects. For example, access to web sites offering information about breast cancer and AIDS are often blocked by filtering software.

I give Trudeau a failing grade in his answer to this question. So, Mr. Trudeau, if you are reading this (fat chance), please review the Canadian Library Association's Position Statement on Intellectual Freedom. You might also find the Position Statement on Internet Access illuminating. You will find similar statements from various national library associations.

On a more positive note, the invitation of Mr. Trudeau resulted in a phenomenon I had never witnessed before at this conference. Virtually the entire room stayed firmly glued to their chairs, everyone's attention riveted on the speaker. Such is the kind of audience the offspring of one of Canada's most influential and famous public figures can attract. Normally, I feel sorry for the speaker at lunch because there is a constant flow of people exiting, which I always feel is exceedingly rude. I don't buy the answer that they are all rushing off to catch planes and trains, as evidenced by the audience's keen attention today. He managed to hold everyone's attention, but he failed to deliver, although I think his seat in parliament is secure for as long as he wants it.

Conference

I am off to a conference for the remainder of the week and Saturday. That's an indictment of my chosen profession. No self-respecting profession would schedule a conference on a weekend. As far as I can determine, all library conferences bleed into the weekend. We are weak.

In other news, I find it fascinating that some people are thinking about the Year 10,000 Problem. Y2K was a bust. I had expected something disastrous to happen and was severely disappointed when it didn't. That guy who invented the Y2K problem ought to have been fined.

If you can find a good defense against death, it might not save you. It is estimated that somewhere between the year 600,000,000 and 3,500,000,000, the Earth's oceans will evaporate. In the year 5,000,000,000, our sun will become a red giant and all things here will die. Damn. Immortality has its downside. I just hope the end of the world doesn't happen on a Saturday.

Later...

I Continue to Ignore the Blogospshere (until, maybe, next week)

This has been a crazy month, but part of the blame for that is my poor organizational skills. If only I could properly organize my time, I could accomplish so much more. I could study physics and molecular biochemistry in my spare time. I could read more. It would be awesome, truly awesome.

I am in a job that has essentially no supervision. That is good and bad, and I am always left to wonder what it is that other people are doing in their offices. I have no answers. It's clear with the staff, for they are on display. They have nowhere to hide, no walls, no privacy. We can eat in our offices, if we choose to, and sometimes I do. But staff, well, they have to head to the staff room where it is deathly silent. You can hear a pin drop. You can hear people chew, a sound I just do not like. I rarely have conversations in that room, because everyone will hear what you are saying. So, I try not to make any noises.

But, I observe the patterns. One guy sits in the same chair every day at lunch with his winter coat on, iPod fired up, and a book in his hands. I sense that he is trying to isolate himself by a factor of three. I have never seen him eat anything. One brave person talks to family on her cell phone, but I am sure no one can understand her mother tongue. A colleague complained but I like the sound of human interaction. I like that someone is brave enough to attack the silence.

The most fascinating guy is the one with about 7 children. His faith prevents the use of prophylactics, and so the family continues to grow. He reads his bible during lunch. You can see his lips move as his index finger traces lines of text. He has a special edition bible, bound in leather--or faux-leather--and a zipper. After lunch, he tucks the bookmark in place, zips it up, and places it in his backpack. Somehow, he looks happier, but I am not sure if it is the food or the words or both.

Damn

Still busy, doing stuff. Sometimes I wonder why I agree to speak at conferences...

Inauguration (ĭn-ô'gyə-rā'shən)

1. Formal induction into office.
2. A formal beginning or introduction.

I am watching.

Freezing Blackout

The power went out at 10:00 PM last night and stayed out until 8:30 this morning, on one of the coldest nights of the year. That was unpleasant, and it made me realize that I am not really prepared for long power outages in winter. The good news is that the power failure happened after I roasted a chicken :-)

That was Cold

(I am taking a small break from the document I am editing).

It was -22° Celsius (that's -7.600000000000001° for those of you who use the antiquated Fahrenheit scale) when I hopped on my bicycle this morning. Now, my forward motion through the Alberta Clipper must have created an added wind-chill. At -25°, skin is in danger of freezing, but I had forgotten about that during the ride. I was quite warm, except for my face, of course. And, my feet were a bit chilly, which momentarily concerned me when I reflected on the fate of Robert Peary's feet.

Robert Peary lost eight of his toes during his first failed attempt to reach the North Pole. He elected to have the other two hacked off to make things even, I suppose. The good news is that my toes did not freeze. In truth, I have cycled in colder weather. Next time (probably tomorrow), I will double up on the socks.

In case you think I am insane, I would like to point out that I counted eight other cyclists on the roads this morning. And, I got my daily exercise.

ZF is Busy

I am sitting in my office, listening to the Orchestral Def Leppard and wishing I had more time. My business plan is awaiting completion; I am preparing for the next conference presentation; French class starts tonight. How did this happen? I am failing to read the blogs I usually read. I will be happy when January is over.

But, I did see parts of the Golden Globe Awards last night. I liked Salma Hayek's dress. Ricky Gervais was funny. Why wasn't he the host? Dustin Hoffman has turned into some sort of freaky boring automaton. Maybe he is a puppet. Tina Fey had the best thank you speech. I am happy for Kate Winslet. When did Clint Eastwood start writing music? I learned that I have a lot of films to see.

That's all.

January is going to be a very busy month for me :-(

Soaking Tired...and TV

During the long drive back from the rural parts of Ontario, my three-year-old uttered this profound statement: "I am soaking tired." I love that.

I have already mentioned that the second X-Files film sucks eggs, right? Just in case you missed me making such a statement, it sucks. But, there is some good TV these days. For example, I have just seen season two of Californication. I was a little freaked out by episode one of season two, 'cause it sucked. I hated that episode, but things got back on track. Season three will be here in late 2009.

I enjoyed season three of Dexter very much. True, the premise is a little difficult to believe, but it is enjoyable and it makes me want to go to Miami. It has been renewed for two more seasons :-)

Vince Gilligan, my favourite X-Files writer, has come through with a really amazing show called Breaking Bad. It has also been renewed for another season. If you ever get the chance, check this out. Here's the opening scenes (one and two) of the premiere episode.

And now, a meeting...

Movies Movies Movies

Yup, I saw some movies over the break. Which ones, you ask? Let me tell you:

JCVD - I should probably first point out that I had never seen a Jean-Claude Van Damme film. This was the first one for me. But, before I get to all of that, I just have to say that something odd occurred before the movie began. As usual, I headed to the bathroom to relieve my bladder. There's nothing worse than realizing that one has to micturate during a film. It ruins the film.

So, I head into the bathroom and am stunned to see a man standing in front of a urinal with his pants around his ankles. His large tartan boxer shorts were hauled down to just below his butts cheeks, offering an unobstructed view of his amble ass cleavage. In case anyone is confused as to why this might be strange, it is not socially acceptable to drop your trousers to piss in public. In fact, this should not be done in private either.

At first, I thought he must have been homeless, but he clearly had enough cash to pay his admission. I made sure my visit was a short one. And now, on to the film.

JCVD is a good film, but I think some of it must have been lost on me, since my knowledge of JC is very limited. I rate this a 4/5.

X-Files: I want to Believe - I want to believe that this is the last X-Files movie. If this is the best script they can come up with, they are in serious trouble. I give this disaster 0/5. It doesn't even really qualify as an X-File anyway. Besides, David Duchovny is Hank Moody to me now. And, why did they have to kill off Lou Ashby?

Let the Right One In - I saw this before the Christmas break. This is a really fabulous movie. If possible, I recommend that you see it without any foreknowledge of the plot or concept. I think it would make the experience even more interesting. This is a 5/5 film.

Alien, Aliens, Alien³, Alien Ressurection - I think this franchise proves the theory of the law of diminishing marginal utility, even if we ignore the AVP films. I would rate these as 5/5, 4/5, 3/5, and 2/5, respectively.

Happy New Year, and all that

If I can't win the lottery, why can't someone I know win the lottery, like my father or sister? That would be almost as good, as I am fairly sure they would offer me some cash (unless I have completely misread them and overestimated their fondness for me). My grandmother is another story: her memory is deteriorating, and she would have great difficulty deciding what to do with all of that cash or even remembering who her relatives are.

When I walked into her house at Christmas (the door was not only unlocked, it was ajar, so that her neighbours can easily enter. I am not sure that this is a good idea. She wears a Lifeline around her neck, and two people call her daily to make sure that she is still alive. In November, she turned 89.

She looked at me blankly and I realized that I would have to give her my name. The first name wasn't good enough, so I had to add my surname. Still, she looked at me blankly. The two children were with me, so I guess I looked harmless enough, so she allowed me in without any fuss or complaints. I referred to my mother, sister, father, etc, to see if I could spark a memory. Finally, she seemed to get it, but then she suggested that I had never been to her house before, a house she has lived in for 33 years. She could not remember the names of the kids.

She announced relationships for every person she mentioned. Her daughter-in-law was not simply S_____, she was "S_____, my son's wife." You would have thought that she was talking to a stranger or someone she hadn't seen in 25 years. She offered us inedible candies, which were only marginally better than the Humbugs she used to dispense in my youth, Humbugs that were suspiciously without cellophane and which seemed always to be covered in pocket lint.

She ignored the gifts we brought to her, complained that she accidentally gave one of her grandchildren $5 too much at Christmas, and described in great detail how horrified she was about some gifts she had received. One top had a zipper all of the way up the front, right to her chin! She argued that no one would wear anything like that. The waist of the pants was too high or too low or something. She told this person never to buy her another gift.

Bah humbug, I suppose.

The Best of Zydeco Fish 2008 (see: best of 2007, 2006; 2005; 2004; 2003)

It's finally that time of the year again, folks. These are some of my fav posts from the last year. I hope you are having a wonderful holiday.

1) Ringo has a Really Big Nose - Conversations with six-year-olds are always amusing.
2) George W. Bush vs. Dan Quayle - Sometimes, weird things happen when I am cycling.
3) Just Say No! - Or, why I now hate the Songwriters Association of Canada.
4) A Political Detour - Or, oh, how I hate John McCain.
5) From the Mouth of a three-and-a-half-year old - He tells it like it is.
6) Smart Casual - About conference dress codes and Velcro.
7) Overrated - A series of ten posts, some funnier than others (not to be taken too seriously).
8) Pee Mobile - Solving the energy crisis, one leak at a time.
9) A Play in Two Acts - A bleak outlook on the world of business and communication.
10) 666, A Stream of Consciousness Post - Let the metal flow.

Since I am on vacation, I have been ignoring this blog. I have been preoccupied with mistletoe, eggnog, and reindeer recipes. But, I am also compiling my annual Best Of ZF. Stay tuned for that.

'Tis the Season

for not posting.

On Giving it Away for Free

People often want to use some of the photos that I have posted on Flickr. My policy has always been to permit not-for-profit organizations to use images (depending on the image) without charge as long as they provide a photo credit and a link back, if possible. I will ask if the org has a budget to acquire photos, and occasionally they do. If the organization is a business or some other money-making venture, then I will charge. Not everyone feels this way.

Too many photographers on Flickr, and probably other photo sharing sites, give it away for free, just to see their photo in print. A contact of mine recently allowed Parks Canada to use a photo in a national brochure for free! That's insane. People like this are doing a serious disservice to professional photographers. If we are all willing to give our work away, how can people who earn a living from photography be expected to stay in business? They are screwing their professional friends.

Recently, a very large Canadian law firm asked to use a photo of mine for some holiday correspondence. I negotiated a fee of $500. The law firm dude told me that he was searching for several photos, but that my price was OK with the company. I heard from this firm one more time, and then they evidently found a few suckers who were willing to surrender their photos to a huge corporation for absolutely no compensation. I am not really too concerned about the cash, though it would have been nice. I am really irritated that these yahoos don't get it.

Submitting a photo to a literary, art, or photography journal is different. Giving your photo to anyone who asks is wrong, especially if they are using it to promote their business and increase profits. Wise up, people.

Hmm....

More Three-year-old Musings

Not for the first time, my son has commented on the disparity in size between our penises. For example, yesterday, he said: "Yours is a really really big penis. It's huge! It's a really big one. [pause] I have a tiny penis." Sure, it's an amusing comment, maybe even funny, but it makes me a bit sad to hear him lament the size of his boyhood.

I try to reassure him. He will grow up and have a big one too. A big penis, with all it's attendant rights, privileges, and responsibilities is something to look forward to. Strangely, his comments always make me stop to consider circumcision.

Lots of men justify having their sons circumcised so that they will look "the same" as they do, or so the boy won't look "different." I suppose these dads don't want any uncomfortable questions about why they lack a foreskin. It my opinion, this is a red herring, because my son hasn't even noticed. He notices the difference in size and that's it.

When boys grow up, they can enjoy their big penises. Once they have had their foreskin cut off, they will never get it back.

Quote of the Day

From the 3.5 year old:

"Monkeys like to eat bananas, just like real people."

Purged

That feels better. I just deleted a whole whack of draft posts that were making me feel guilty for not having finished them, or stupid for having started to write something so dumb. Now I feel smart and on top of things. It's like the word procrastination doesn't exist.

Happy Friday and have a good weekend.

And the Answer is ...

The GG granted the PM permission to prorogue parliament, which was not unexpected. And now, meetings and such for me. I am thinking that I should prorogue my next meeting.

Ignorant Parrots

The current political "crisis" in Canada has emphasized for me just how ignorant the average Canadian is about our political system. I have read blog posts, Facebook posts, and comments here and there that describe coalition action as being undemocratic, illegal, and unethical. One uneducated person referred to it as a coup d’état! It is none of the above, though I will admit that the situation is bizarre and unusual. To these people, I want to say: "go enroll in a first year overview course on Canadian Politics at your local University!" And, I would bet that a good deal of the people urging Harper to prorogue parliament had never even heard the word prorogue until this week.

But, the whole episode points to a problem in the blogosphere where unsubstantiated statements are repeated with no critical investigation. So, Harper's incorrect comments about the legality of the situation are passed around as gospel. One person uses the word illegal, and suddenly, it is repeated on tons of neocon blogs. I am sure the same happens in reverse on left wing blogs. The web is so polarized that it makes the traditional news outlets appear balanced.

I am not 100% comfortable with this coalition. It is odd in so many ways. Here we have a bizarre array of disparate groups coalescing to form a government. The person to be installed as PM lost the last election quite badly, and was forced to resign. The Bloc has aspirations of changing the constitutional landscape of this nation. Yes, it is odd and strange. But folks, it is not illegal. There is nothing illegal about this coalition seeking the Confidence of the House should the current government lose a vote of Confidence, as is likely to happen should Harper resist the option to prorogue Parliament.

At times like these, when any yahoo can post misinformed rants on the web, I really wish that political education was compulsory. Having to explain what confidence means in the context of a Westminster Parliamentary system is tiresome. Having to explain the concept of Responsible Government is also tiresome. It is irritating too, because one feels like one is bashing one's head against a brick wall. These people are so recalcitrant, so blinded by political allegiances, that they fail to listen to fact. They fail to recall that Harper himself once sought an alliance with the BQ.

This rant comes out of bizarre online exchange I had with supporters of Harper who kept arguing that this alliance is illegal. And then, they argued quite vehemently that Harper should prorogue Parliament when such a course of action would be seen as an affront to our parliamentary traditions.

Sadly, the web is full of uniformed amateur journalists who think they know the answers without having done their homework. Go back to school, people and learn something about our system of government before you spread more disinformation and Tory propaganda.

Today

Is my birthday.

Double Cups

I used to drink coffee frequently. This year (since January), I have had maybe three cups of coffee, all decaf. I had a cup of decaf yesterday from Tim Hortons. Of course, the franchise should be called Tim Horton's but that's another issue.

Lately, there has been tons of discussion about disposable coffee cups and how they are filling up landfill sites. Some people suggest a tax on these cups, while others want to make sure coffee shops use the kind of cups that can be put in the green box. It makes little difference to me, since I rarely buy coffee, but I wished I had taken my mug from my office with me.

So, I asked for a small decaf and she hands it to me and I walk over to join my colleagues and discover that I had been double cupped. I didn't ask for double cups. I didn't want double cups. I know that the coffee is hot, but is it hot enough to double cup? What am I supposed to do with that extra cup? I am sure that if Tim's stopped double cupping, it would have a big impact on landfill sites.

This reminded me of a time in Starbucks when a colleague asked for double cups and he was told that they don't double cup. Instead, they gave him the cardboard sleeve. That has to contain less waste than a double cup, and you can put the sleeve in the paper recycling.

Next time, I am saying no to the double cup. Suddenly, I am thinking about bras.

I think I need a nap.

Flickr is like a Stalinist Regime

Flickr really pissed me off today. Flickr has a mechanism for users to "flag" their photos as either safe, moderate, or restricted. My interpretation of these flags are:

safe: photos of flowers, sunsets, trees, buildings, cars, food, chairs, puppies, rivers, urban scenes, etc.

moderate: any photo with nudity, like breasts, bums, flaccid male appendages

restricted: sex acts, pornography, graphic displays of genitals, etc.

So, I have dutifully flagged any photo with nudity as moderate. Since I have no photos of people crashing the custard truck, I have nothing flagged as restricted. A couple of my photos, from a recent Toronto Pride Day parade, do feature male frontal nudity. I flagged these as moderate.

It's important to note that Flickr allows people to alter their search preferences. So, if you only want to see safe photos, you leave your preferences as safe. There are three settings:

SafeSearch on: You'd prefer to see photos and video that is safe for a global, public audience.

SafeSearch moderate: You're OK seeing the odd "artistic nude" here or there, but that's the limit.

SafeSearch off: You're over 18, and take full responsibility that you're comfortable to see whatever turns up.

As far as I am concerned, I flagged my photos appropriately. But, like the good old days of Joseph Stalin, when someone turns you in, you get punished. Someone, who had changed their search settings to moderate, reported me to the Flickr secret police, who then flagged two photos as restricted without any consultation with me. These are photos that have been viewed more than 22,000 times and 5,000 times respectively, and only one person complained.

I am upset because Flickr has a means for people to self-moderate photostreams, but they can intervene at any time to dictate morality. Here is the guidance Flickr offers when flagging photos:

Safe - Content suitable for a global, public audience

Moderate - If you're not sure whether your content is suitable for a global, public audience but you think that it doesn't need to be restricted per se, this category is for you

Restricted - This is content you probably wouldn't show to your mum, and definitely shouldn't be seen by kids

This sounds like my original interpretation and like the description in the safe search settings. So, why the hell did the Flickr Politburo change my settings? Because 0.0045% of the people who have viewed one of these photos was offended. In the USSR, under Mr. Stalin, all it took was one person out of millions to point the finger.

The thing that really bothers me is that my mother would have no problem seeing either photo, and neither would my kids. In fact, they saw the real thing at the parade. It's the freaking puritanical US of A that pisses me off. You can watch someone's head being blown off on prime time broadcast television, but show a breast and you have a date with the FCC.

I think we should all adhere to local standards. In Ontario, for example, it is legal for a woman to be topfree in public. She need not fear any oppression from the patriarchy (well, she might suffer some sexual oppression, but legally, she can bare those breasts). Of course, in the puritanical USA, it is illegal for women to be topfree in most states. So, if it is legal for a woman to exercise her topfree rights, then these photos ought to be permitted as safe or moderate. If the city permits men to march nude in a parade, then these photos ought to be considered as safe or moderate, and certainly not resticted.

End of rant.

P.S. My flickr account is not listed under my Zydeoc Fish alias, but my real name. 

Zydeco Fish Makes Curry

Very Amusing

There are several interesting celebrity appearances in this video. You might like it.

New Shoes!

I know some of you - perhaps the women - might find it surprising to learn that I just purchased my first new pair of shows in about six years. It might even be longer than that. Seriously.

I am breaking them in now, as I type. Ah, new shoes, with that new shoe smell. It's awesome. I might run out and get another pair this week.

I Hate all Couriers

I am fairly sure I will never purchase another piece of equipment from Dell unless it severs all ties with Purolator Courier. Purolator is a disaster. The last time I ordered equipment, I dutifully followed the package's progress on the Purolator web site, taking note of the expected arrival date. I arranged to stay home from work, so that I could take possession of said package and avoid an inconvenient trip to the depot.

Suddenly, the status of my package changed from in transit to returned to depot, or some such status that meant I was not at home when the driver arrived! The blasted courier wo/man did not come to the house and, on top of that, left no note! I called, and was able to arrange delivery for the next day. I took another day off work and guess what? The same thing happened. No courier showed up and the status indicated that the package was once again en route to the depot. I sent a very angry email, 'cause it was impossible to get through to the bonehead on the phone.

How can a company call itself a courier if they fail to even attempt delivery? What's the point of sending something by courier if one has to travel to the depot (usually located in suburbia) to retrieve the package? Why can't they deliver packages to residential addresses during evenings and weekends?

This week, I was expecting a package from UPS, that strange courier that likes to call itself "brown", like shit. Brown is not such an impressive business colour, even if it has been the New Black for years. I worked for this company for part of one summer, by the way. So, I came home on Monday, and saw a note stuck to my door. None of the fields that could have been filled in were filled in. All were blank, in other words, except for the comments field.

There was no indication if this was the first, second, or final attempt to deliver. The date of new attempt field was blank. A field at the bottom read: "In your absence the package(s) was left at: Front Door, Back Door, Side Door, Garage, Neighbour, Other. None of these boxes were checked. In the comments space something illegible was scribbled.

I thought that I would need to take a day off work to wait, but there was no indication of when the package would be re-directed, so I called, and waited and waited. I wanted to tell them that the least they could do is indicate that another delivery attempt would be made. After reciting my waybill number, the dude says:

"The package was left at the side door."

"I don't have a side door," says I.

"Are you sure?"

"Quite."

"What about a garage?"

"Nope"

"Porch?"

"I don't have a porch either" UPS dude advised me to look around. I have to say that I was stunned. I only called because I wanted to know when it was going to be delivered. It's lucky that I even called. Now, he told me that the package was left somewhere, and I had no idea where and the note didn't say where.

On my cell phone, I circled the house, looking here and there. For some unknown reason, I looked behind my new City of Toronto garbage bin, and there it was. How bizarre. It could have been there for days, had I not called the idiots. And then, it all made sense. I was finally able to decode what looked like:

"h eft Ai sio/E" I guess that said "left at side."

Bananas and Sleep and Politics

Is there anything more disappointing than going into your usual grocery store and discovering that all of the bananas are as green as emeralds? It either takes a week for the bastards to ripen, or they do so overnight, because they are genetically-inferior and end up tasting awful.

But, on to more important things. For some inexplicable reason, I slept very badly last night. I woke at 3:00 AM and failed to get back to sleep. I really hate it when that happens, mostly because I am a great sleeper and rarely have any problems.

In other news, an old high school friend showed up on Facebook. Two, actually. That's all well and good. One friend now lives in a large American city. During our exchange of messages, he complained that the democrats were now coming to power and that this would sink the economy. Is he on drugs? I wanted to ask him if he happened to notice that the economy tanked on the Republicans' watch. Of course, talking politics and religion with friends is probably a bad idea.

I am kicking myself for not taking today off. I like taking Fridays off. Why didn't I take Friday off?

Phew!

There is always a great sense of relief after one presents, which I just did at lunch. Granted, it was to a smallish group (25 or so), but I am glad to have that one over with. I have two more coming up. Now, I can get back to the important things, like reconnecting with my online social networks and procrastinating :-)

Reading Update

More books I have read, instead of a real post, because I am too busy to write a real post. Maybe later, when some of this work has passed.

1) The Scheme for Full Employment by Magnus Mills - I'd like to know where this dude gets his ideas. I still believe that his first two novels (The Restraint of Beasts and All Quiet on the Orient Express) were better, but this is quirky and interesting and well worth the journey.

2) Genesis by Jim Crace - Crace is one of my favourite writers. I will admit to not being a fan of Arcadia. That was a tough slog, but Quarantine and Being Dead are very very good. As for Genesis, well, it didn't grab me and I struggled with it. In the end, I give it 2/5. I wished I had liked it more, but I didn't. I just didn't and that's all there is to it.

Currently reading: My Name is Legion by A.N. Wilson - I am 25% in, so I can't really comment.

It's Tuesday

No post for you!

A Depressing Post

I logged in, planning to write, in my best Soup Nazi impersonation, "No post for you!" But, let's just see where stream-of-consciousness takes me.

I just got back from rural Ontario, which is always interesting. My father is fighting 5 types of cancer, but oddly, all of them are considered to be the least deadly types of cancer in each class. He has skin cancer, but not melanoma, for example. But, he looks pale, which makes his wardrobe choices all the more perplexing. His beige pants, beige shirt, and beige socks match his pale, ashen complexion, a complexion that would seem to demand some colour compensation. He just needed a hat to convince all of us that he was about to go on safari.

The loss of 25 or 30 pounds makes him appear completely different. His face is drawn; he has no energy; he needs to nap several times per day. For the first time, he looks old to me. He's lost something. He didn't make a single racy joke and, far more surprising, didn't offer any political commentary or investment advice. Occasionally, he stared off into the distance, and I really wondered what he was thinking about.

I wonder if having skin cancer makes him regret the hours he spent basking in the sun. Somehow, I doubt it. He loved the sun and would probably follow the same route again, given a second chance.

Time prevented an additional junket to visit my mother, now housed in a new home, close to my sister's house. It's here where she will live out her days eating meatloaf and watching her roommates die. I gather she is not enamored with the place, but that might change. At Christmas, I will have to ensure that I visit her in her new abode.

My, wasn't that depressing? I just have to add the title and hit publish.

Is your Cucumber Curved?

If so, or you have undersized melons, there's good news. The European Union is altering its fruit and vegetable policies, and will soon allow the sale of diverse fruits and vegetables, those that might deviate from the norm by being crooked, small, ugly, or asymmetrical. Look how fast the world is changing! The next American President is not on old white guy and now previously prejudiced produce will soon hit the shelves in Europe.

That's all for today. Happy Friday and have a nice weekend. I will be heading into the rural parts of Ontario, where people like the Conservative Party, Celine Dion, and bad grammar.

Vista?

Are you using Vista? I am considering purchasing a new laptop next spring, but I am afraid of Vista. Evidently, very few developers are writing applications for Vista, which I assume means that they are waiting for Windows 7. I would also love to wait for the new OS, but that is not expected to roll out until 2010.

So, if you are running Vista, what do you think? Incidentally, Hitler hates Vista:

The Times they are A-Changin'

All I will say today is that I am delighted by the election results south of the border (Alaska went red, but that's OK).

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'

Opium, Cocaine, and LSD

During a seasonal lunch back in 2002, a colleague confessed to having taken opium, cocaine, and LSD. Just to remind you, this person is a librarian. Of course, I made such a confession about LSD in the past (here and here). I don't think it's a big deal, but I would draw the line at addictive stuff, like cocaine and opium, unless I were dying. On my deathbed, I want the full Aldous Huxley experience. I might even smoke a big fat cigar as I lay dying. Yeah, just imagine: me at age 110 (or so), lying on my bed in silk PJs. There would be a dog curled up on the bed with me. We'd be surrounded by young busty nurses in old school uniforms, stockings, and FM boots. I'd have some nice psychedelic music (maybe early Pink Floyd) playing. Mangoes, papayas, and pineapples would all be close by, plus wine and dark chocolate. Come to think of it, this is Hugh Hefner's life right now, except he has 8 blondes, which is not my thing. Maybe Hef is dying?

But, back to the story at hand. I find his/her confession to be extra weird because this person is very childlike. I can't imagine this individual drinking under age or sneaking into a restricted movie. S/he seems to be so law and order, so old, so straight and narrow. If I had to guess, this was the person who clapped the teacher's chalk brushes after school. It makes me wonder what other secrets people are carrying around with them. All of which reminds me of Post Secret, which I am sure you all know about. Heck, even I knew about it, but I often forget to visit it. I think I will go now.

Second Last Word on the US Election

Please vote. Here's my favorite page of the day:

http://www.sarahpalin.com/ (This seems to be a joke. If you go there, it reads: "This page intentionally left blank.")

Notice that I used the American spelling of favorite, in honor (another American spelling) of the election.

I have to admit that I have election fatigue and I am not even American. The whole process takes way too long. There are the endless primaries with all of these presidential wannabes running around, raising cash, spending money, making speeches, kissing babies, etc. etc. etc. And, that is all before the election campaign officially commences. Usually, I am sick of hearing the names of the candidates after a while.

Anyway, please vote. But, if the elections are rigged, I wonder what the point is of even voting:

Hallowe'en Songs

The Jezebel Spirit from Brian Eno and David Byrne, featuring an excerpt from an exorcism:



Everyday is Halloween from Ministry:



Monster Mash by Bobby 'Boris' Pickett and the Cryptkickers:

Share the Wealth, Dudes!

I have to laugh every time I hear John McCain refer to the "tax and spend liberals" or when he insults Barack Obama for being a liberal. Liberal is such a dirty word in the United States, even though both Republicans and Democrats are liberals. Both parties support classical liberal values such as individual freedom, property rights, civil liberties, and the free market.

Now, I realize that the classic definition of a social liberal in one who supports higher taxation and societal regulation. Maybe so; maybe not so. I really think it boils down to who gets the tax cut and who doesn't. McCain, like our own lesser Bush (aka Stephen Harper), panders to big business, while those to the left argue for tax relief among the lower and middle classes. Which sounds more humane to you?

If McCain is not a liberal, what is he? The opposite of liberalism is fascism, and even I wouldn't call John McCain a Fascist. Conservatism, you might say, is the opposite of liberalism. Yet, there are few quality definitions of conservatism, so I adhere to Lincoln's: "adherence to the old and tried, against the new and untried." That is what this election is all about.

If we can define conservatism as frugality with respect to spending, then George W. Bush's regime fails the test in spectacular fashion. He squandered billions of dollars in taxpayers' money in Iraq. He has spent the USA into a massive debt. It seems to me that Dubya is a liberal, according to McCain's definition.

Up in the Great White North, we have a political party called the Liberal Party of Canada (the Grits). We are not afraid of being called liberals or socialists, though most would draw the line at the term Marxist, mostly because few of us really understand the term after years of perversion by authoritarian regimes. Marx really only provided an excellent critique of capitalism. What happened after the revolution went largely unsaid, leaving ample room for the misapplication of his theories. But, I am getting side-tracked.

When Obama said "share the wealth around", he certainly was not calling for the proletariat to assume control of the means of production. There's no need for the Bourgeoisie to panic. This spin is another desperate Republican tactic to distort the sensible words of a reasonable man, the next President of the United States of America.

P.S. My political theory classes seem so long ago now...

Time Off

Well, I am taking tomorrow and Friday off work. We get a certain number of Professional Development days and I am using two this week. I have to prepare for three upcoming presentations, and I find that I can't really dedicate as much time as I would like here. For some reason, I find that my office is not conducive to work. I know it sounds bizarre, but I have a hard time focusing on things like that here.

And now, I have to do stuff. Thanks for listening.

Equation

boredom = today + (meetings x all-day)

My Dad might be Getting his own Pair of Breasts

I realize that my dad might be the ultimate breast man, but I am fairly sure that he never wanted his very own pair of breasts. He is all about access, not ownership. A pair of breasts on a woman with visitation rights is what he always wanted. Now, he might actually be getting his own breasts.

No, he is not obese, not buying implants, and not changing gender. Instead, he will be undergoing Hormone Replacement Therapy. Anti-androgens reduce the production of testosterone, which feeds prostate cancer. The alternative treatment is orchidectomy, which sounds unpleasant to me and I am sure to him as well.

HRT, however, does have side effects akin to menopausal symptoms. These include hot flushes, osteoporosis, impotence, breast growth and breast tenderness. Despite that, the treatment should lengthen his life, and that's all that really matters.

By the way, this is post #800. I like to celebrate meaningless milestones.

Palin is Dumber than Dubya!

Sorry, but I couldn't resist another political post. I have to hand it to John McCain. The ancient dude found someone even stupider than George W. Don't believe me? Well, check this out.


1) Sarah Palin has no idea what the Vice President does (10 seconds):



2) Sarah Palin thinks that the VP is in charge of the United States Senate! (50 seconds):



And why do all of her answers sound like she is being scored in a beauty pageant?

3) Sarah Palin has no idea what the Bush Doctrine is (2:34):



4) But, wait! She can see Russia from Alaska! (1:28):



5) "Most pathetic piece of tape I have ever seen..." (2:26):



7) Women should be forced to bear rapists' children (2:07):



8) Sarah Palin can't name a single newspaper she has read (45 seconds):



9) Sarah Palin is stumped (2:05):



10) John Cleese says she's "a nice-looking parrot" (1:22):



Honestly, she makes Mr. Bush look like a genius.

OCD or Installation?

The other day, I walked into the nearest bathroom to my office, pushed open the stall door (I'll avoid discussing the problems associated with having to do one's business in the workplace) and was confronted by a toilet seat that was wrapped in so much paper, it looked like a Christmas present or possibly a paper throne. I couldn't see any hint of porcelain, no clue that the seat was black. To me, it looked like the most sublime feat of origami in history. Someone had crafted a toilet from toilet paper!

But, no, it seems that someone spent an hour or so making sure all surface areas were covered in toilet paper. What student, I ask you, has the time to devote that much energy to something he will only require for a few moments? Well, unless he had other less obvious plans, that is.

You know, it's impossible to catch an STD - wait, I think we call them STIs now - from a toilet seat. It can't happen, unless there is some sort of new super STI that I don't know about. And, even if you could catch something hideous from a toilet seat, would a few thin strips of toilet paper protect you? I think not.

I honestly believe that it one is that paranoid about catching an infectious disease from a toilet seat, a far better strategy would be to carry around cleaning supplies, like some of those disinfectant wipes. It would be obsessive-compulsive and a little nuts, but creating a paper throne is probably weirder.

Later, I thought that perhaps I had it all wrong. Maybe this was an installation? Now, I regret not photographing it.

Inside the Actors [sic] Studio

I like this show very much, almost enough to excuse the poor grammar in the title. It seems that the entire world has no idea how to use an apostrophe, so it is largely left out, like in the name of the Actors [sic] Studio Drama School, where the show began.

But that is not the point. If you've seen the show, you are not doubt aware that James Lipton uses the Pivot Questionnaire (from the French TV show Bouillon de Culture hosted by Bernard Pivot). So, here are my spontaneous answers:

1. What is your favorite word?

Can't decide...Parabola, hinge, rebellion, or yes.


2. What is your least favorite word?

Clearly, it has to be the "N word" but tax a close second.


3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Good music.


4. What turns you off?

Bigotry.


5. What is your favorite curse word?

Fuck.


6. What sound or noise do you love?

Bacon frying in a pan or the pop of a cork.


7. What sound or noise do you hate?

Electric hand mixers. They make a truly awful din.


8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

That's a tough one, but I'd have to say either an astronomer or a porn star.


9. What profession would you not like to do?

Dysentery Stool-Sample Analyzer or Barnyard Masturbator.


10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

"No one whose testicles have been crushed or whose penis has been cut off may be admitted into the community of the Lord" (Deuteronomy 23:2), so come on in!

Wow, the work day is almost over, and I have nothing to say. Talk about a huge disappointment. Where does the time go?

So, I guess instead of something entertaining, irreverent, and possibly comical, I will simply tell you that I really liked what Colin Powel said on Meet the Press. He cut through the crap (I originally typed carp) and gave a non-partisan assessment of the two US presidential candidates that makes sense and is completely logical. Personally, I have never understood the way his given name is pronounced: it sounds like a body part or a punctuation mark to me.

In case you missed it:

Rest in Peace, Frankie Venom

Yesterday, I learned of the passing of Frankie Venom (aka Frank Kerr), the front man of Canadian punk band Teenage Head. Teenage Head was one of the first bands I saw live, and I saw them at my high school. Sure, there was controversy over the name. There was that riot at Ontario Place, but that was all in fine punk rock form. I do have some vinyl. I might dig it out and see how it has aged.



P.S. I am not at work today :-)

Sidetracked

Work is interfering with my blogging activities :-(

Good News and Bad News

I am happy that Canadians were intelligent enough to stop short of granting Harper a majority government. But, I can't even figure out why the CRAP party won. At the very least, they ought to have received some comeuppance for ignoring the fixed election date law and wasting $300 million of taxpayers' money on an election we did not need just to come to a decision that is much the same as we had before. Brilliant, Stephen.

But, I have to say that I am really irritated by the election turnout, which was an underwhelming 58%, the lowest in Canadian history. What the hell is wrong with us? Almost half of us don't care who wins and refuse to exercise a right that many in the world would die for? Come on, people. Apathy about elections really infuriates me. I am angry with you 42%, really angry.

Election Day

The most important thing is to vote, of course. The next most important thing is to vote for anybody but the Reform ... I mean ... Conservative Party. Get out there and vote.

HCT

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving. I wish our Thanksgiving was the same as the American one, because right after Halloween, we Canadians are inundated with Christmas advertising. I could be wrong, but I seem to recall that Christmas advertising in the USA doesn't really get going until after Thanksgiving. Maybe that's not true anymore?

Zydeco Fish and the Art of Mountain Bike Maintenance

I've been disassembling my old mountain bike. I had left it in the shed, after I acquired a new one. And then I thought, why not make the repairs myself? Damn, that was a great idea. I researched, looked at websites, YouTube, books, and I was ready. I removed the wheels and cleaned the rims, spokes, hubs, and rear cassette. I disassembled, cleaned and reassembled the idler pulley and derailleur. I scrubbed the chain stay, seat stay, down tube, top tube, front forks, and removed the rusted chain.

I purchased a crank remover, and removed the cranks quickly and efficiently. I knew I would require a new chain ring. And then, I focused on the bottom bracket. I started with the drive side (left threads, I know). I noticed that the spline teeth were all worn after 9 summers and winters. The spline bottom bracket tool could achieve no purchase. Thankfully, I avoided ripping up my knuckles on the chain rings. The damn thing would not budge no matter how hard I tried. I failed on the other side too.

After soaking the bottom bracket in oil, which I let penetrate over night, I failed once more. I tried everything, including the tips found in various bike forums on the web. Yes, I bolted the bottom bracket tool to the spindle and held it in place with washers. The result? The remaining teeth splintered, disintegrated into small bits of metal, and fell out like Giles's teeth in his dreams in Dead Babies.

This was disheartening as I had read post after post in bike forums where people had achieved success with such a tactic. So, I resorted to plan B, also recommended on various web forums: I brought out a torch. We all know that heat expands metal, so I should be able to get some movement if the whole bracket were heated. No such luck, I'm afraid.

But, I have not yet given up.

The Last 10 CDs I added to my MP3 Player

I had something to say about the Pope today, but I don't have enough time to say it. Later, maybe. Instead, I made a list, which took about 30 seconds.

1) Spiritualized - Songs in A & E
2) White Stripes - Icky Thump
3) Van Morrison - Saint Dominic's Preview
4) Beck - Modern Guilt
5) Bob Dylan - Modern Times
6) R.E.M. - Accelerate
7) Tokyo Police Club - Elephant Shell
8) Spiritualized - Ladies and Gentlemen we are Floating in Space
9) Can - Tago Mago
10) Hrsta - L'éclat du ciel était insoutenable

Yeah, I load entire CDs, 'cause I have one of those 15GB units that holds, like, 400 CDs.

Bondage

As promised yesterday, here are two shots from Nuit Blanche. I selected these as examples, just to give you an idea. There are others I like much better, and those will probably end up on my Flickr account. I hope these aren't too scandalous for a librarian's blog :-)

Nuit Blanche 2008

The bad news is that I started to feel very ill around midnight, and had to cut my night very short. Presently, I am dealing with a cold that has a horrible cough. But, I did enjoy some of this year's Nuit Blanche, mostly because the theme was nudity or, rather, partial nudity.

Early in the evening, I cycled down Bay Street and watched about 8 women (probably late 20s or early 30s) hurry out of a restaurant and attempt to flag down cabs. One slightly overweight woman tried to propel herself along on her little trotters but, in doing so, caused some sort of cascading ripple effect, a fleshquake might describe it. Her body rolled in several directions at once, hindering her forward momentum. It was not a pleasing sight, but then her strapless halter dress gave into the chaos and fell down, exposing both of her bare breasts. Drunkenly, she hoisted it back up, and raised her hand in the air for a cab.

Trying to expunge that from my mind, I soldiered on. Soon, I caught a performance of Japanese Butoh, an extreme form of dance featuring three topless women and a topless man, each wearing a sumo wrestling-like diaper and covered in white body make-up and black writing. I observed and took photos, some of which are very cool.

Much later, I took in my favourite unofficial Nuit Blanche event, which is an annual light bondage show. I got some great photos last year and some even better ones this year. Should I post a photo here? Would that be outrageous or offensive? Let me know if you'd like to see one or two. I also ran into a photography friend I hadn't see for a while at this event. That was cool.

Hogan's Heroes and Jell-O?

I loved Hogan's Heroes. I watched it religiously (in reruns) during my childhood and I periodically look longingly at the DVD box sets on the shelves. I was stunned to find this advertisement that the crew back in the day. I had no idea.



I think that they ought to bring back the vintage TV commercials and rerun them from time to time. That would be a kick. And then there's this odd piece:



Oh, Bob Crane. What a tragic end he met.

Who is the Elitist?

I have no idea where this comes from or even if it is true, but holy shit if it is. And, the Obama vehicle is a hybrid.

Nuit Blanche

I will be staying up all night tonight, thanks to Nuit Blanche. Hopefully, I will get some good photos.

I was just thinking...

... as we neared the end of yesterdays interviews (more to come today) that perhaps I have seen too much reality-based television. After this morning's candidate, I really wanted to say: "Yo dawg, it was like dope; Once you got started, you got your slayin' on. It was like goin' on, dude!"

Yesterday, it would have been. "I'm a definite no" or "that was absolutely dreadful" or "you are almost creepy."

Yeah, that's it, dudes, we should put them through challenges and then I could say, "That's enough. Bring me your torch. The tribe has spoken." Or, even: "you are the last interviewee to arrive. I'm sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the competition."

This would shake up the exercise significantly, dawgs.

I am watching the debate (the Canadian one) and find it both amusing and depressing. I don't understand why anyone would vote Conservative. Harper is doing his best to appear nice and moderate and friendly. He should have worn the sweater.

Interviews, Interviews, and More Interviews

I am swamped with job interviews for the next two days. I am interviewing candidates, not being interviewed. It sounds like fun, but it is not, for many reasons, mostly because I am not a fan of the job interview.

We all convene in a meeting room with an oval table, the five interviewers having chosen a good seat, and the interviewee left to take whatever seat is offered to them. In the office we formerly used, the candidate was forced to stare into the sun, while we all sat comfortably, with the sun to our backs. It reminded me of the interrogation parts of Darkness at Noon.

Resumes are full of lies, or maybe I should say exaggerations. Mine is and I am sure yours is too. If we don't exaggerate and manipulate the truth, we would all appear to be normal, uninteresting, and completely lacking in talent. I don't really have a problem with that, but I do have issues with the interview process and references.

Personally, I think the job interview is a waste of time. Surely, it would make much better sense to work with the person for a few weeks, and then have a conversation about whether they ought to be permitted to stay in the job. An hour long meeting can't be a good way to determine if an individual is a proper fit for the job and the organization. I realize that there can be probationary periods (we have a lengthy one here) but everyone has passed the reviews at six months, twelve months, eighteen months, or twenty-four months. Once you are in, you are in like Flynn.

Instead, we ask them questions. Some employers request presentations, but even that is not good, if you ask me. Interviews are excellent for putting people on the spot, but these days, most people can anticipate the questions. Interviews are polite, formal, and useless. We, as interviewers, never speak our minds and say things like: "wow, that was a dumb answer."

Which brings me to references. Why do we bother to check references? What candidate would list a person who would give them a bad reference? Of course we all list people who will say good things about us. When you add the risk of legal action that some people have taken against those who have given a bad reference, I wonder why we bother with the whole process. The possibility of legal action caused so much concern that one of my former references said she couldn't even speak frankly to potential employers for fear of some sort of legal reprisal. I think we should stop the whole reference thing.

But, I am on the committee, so I will ask my questions over and over. I just have time for lunch, and then I am back in the room...

No time to post today. Maybe I will try tomorrow. Off to another meeting.